


Home Again

by LilyAnson



Series: SPN Thank You Stories [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Acceptance, Apologies, Arguing, Break Up, Canon Divergence, Comfort, Crowley Being Crowley, Crowley With Emotions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Denial of Feelings, Failed Apologies, Family, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Hellhounds, Home, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Making Up, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post - Swan Song, Protective Bobby Singer, Puppies, Sassy Crowley, Soulless Sam (Temporary), Time Skips, Trials of Hell, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:11:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 63,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6558883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley and Bobby may not be dating in the traditional sense but since when did Crowley ever stand on tradition?  Whatever works, works, right?  So why is it he can't ever tell Bobby no when the old hunter asks for something.  He knew he should have left the Winchester in the pit.  Still, when Robert asks Crowley pulls the younger Winchester out of the pit against his own desires.  Well, he pulls most of him out of the pit...  Still, in the events that follow can all those involved find that elusive thing called home?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crobby Shippers](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Crobby+Shippers).



> This work is dedicated to the Crobby shippers that jumped ship long enough to write a Mooseley fic. Hopefully it doesn't turn out too bad. Many thanks.
> 
> Mostly we follow canon until Swan Song. Be aware that I time skipped a little so that there is not a year between when Sam fell into the pit and when he gets out of the pit. Mostly this is due to Crowley and Bobby's relationship. Bobby was able to ask Crowley for a favor instead of having to spend time trying to find a way to get Sam out of the pit.
> 
> *Please be patient, I'm working on four stories at once.*
> 
>  _Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever gonna make it home again_  
>  _It's so far and out of sight_  
>  _I really need someone to talk to, and nobody else_  
>  _Knows how to comfort me tonight_  
>  ~Home Again, Carole King

To be fair maybe he _shouldn’t_ have shown the picture to the Winchesters. In his defense it was too good of an opportunity to just let it pass. And to be fair to Robert, maybe a little retaliation was warranted. Still, a salt line, salt on the door and demon warding. Wasn’t that a wee bit extreme for the offense. I mean, hello, demon. What did he really expect? Inspecting his injured knuckles he rolled his eyes.

With a sigh Crowley healed the hand and reached into his pocket. Pulling out his phone he dialed Robert. After a few rings the call went to voicemail and he rolled his eyes again. He tapped his foot impatiently waiting for the beep.

“Robert Singer I know you’re home. Answer the door or I will sing at the top of my lungs until you open it or someone calls the authorities. You have two minutes to decide.”

Hanging up Crowley pocketed the phone and tapped his foot waiting. A minute passed and he huffed in annoyance. Still keeping track of the seconds he sifted through possible songs he could use to irritate Robert. He settled on a particularly annoying drinking song with fifteen seconds left to spare. At five seconds to spare Robert finally opened the door, shotgun in hand.

“What,” Robert growled.

“I do so love it when you get all grumpy,” Crowley replied grinning.

“ _You_ have two minutes to tell me why you’re here before I shoot you.”

“Hm, with rocksalt I’m guessing? So yesterday,” Crowley tsked.

“One minute forty-five seconds, Crowley.”

“Good afternoon to you as well, Robert,” Crowley answered tipping his head in greeting. “In case you’ve forgotten, we had a date tonight.”

There it was, the look of pure annoyance Crowley found adorable.

“In case _you’ve_ forgotten, jackass, we’re not an item anymore.”

“Ah. So you’re still mad. I did say I was sorry about that; repeatedly if I remember.”

“Sorry? You almost outed us to my boys. You know how I feel about keeping our personal business personal.”

“Yes love. I am sorry I wasn’t able to stop myself. Won’t happen again, scout’s honor.”

“You were never a scout. Cut the crap, Crowley.”

“Yes dear.” Crowley smiled, batting his eyelashes.

“You really thought the date was still on after our last conversation? I don’t buy it.”

Dropping the act Crowley sighed in resignation. “I did actually figure you would still be a teensy bit upset,” he admitted. “I had hoped you might be more amenable to finding a way to rectify the situation given time to cool down.”

“Do I look amenable to you?”

Crowley ran his eyes down Robert and then up again. “You look-”

“Don’t even,” Robert warned.

“Habit, sorry,” Crowley apologized. Considering he really had come here to apologize it might be in his better interest to stop trying to annoy the other man. “May I enter?”

“I’m already being nice by not shooting you after your two minutes were up. You still haven’t told me why you’re here.”

Crowley shifted his gaze to each side cautiously scanning for anyone else. He wasn’t particularly good with apologies and couldn’t stand the thought of someone watching. “I, uh, was rather hoping to talk inside, if you don’t mind.”

He considered it a point in his favor that Robert didn’t immediately tell him to ‘go fuck himself’ like he so eloquently put it at the end of their last tiff. Perhaps there was hope to repair their relationship afterall. Crowley waited quietly while Robert thought about letting him enter. Taking a step Robert scuffed a shoe over the line of salt barring Crowley. Unconsciously Crowley’s eyes slid closed. Until now he hadn’t realized the full extent of how worried he had been that Robert might not forgive him.

“Well,” Robert grumped. “You gonna stand there all day or come inside?”

Crowley’s eyes snapped open. “Sorry, love,” he said as he entered. “Just enjoying the fresh air for a moment.”

Robert rolled his eyes and headed farther into the house. Turning Crowley closed the door before following.

.

Damn demon. Of course he’d show up for their date. Fuming, Bobby sat down in the chair behind his desk in the library. Somewhere inside he knew he had expected Crowley to show up for their date. It was the reason he had salted the door with salt water so that when the demon knocked it would burn his knuckles. Petty but satisfying. Besides, it’s not like the demon couldn’t just heal the damage.

Tapping his fingers impatiently Bobby waited but Crowley never entered the library. As time ticked by Bobby groaned and stood up again. He didn’t bother checking anywhere else in the house. There was only one other room Crowley liked besides the library. Bobby made his way to the bedroom and found Crowley sitting on the bed staring at the floor.

“Figures,” Bobby grumped.

“You moved the picture,” Crowley stated without looking up.

Bobby frowned. “Well, yeah. That’s what usually happens when people break up, Crowley. They get rid of things that remind them of their ex.”

Crowley finally looked up and eyed him carefully.

“Did you really get rid of it? Completely?”

Again Bobby frowned. There was something about the way Crowley was looking at him that made him feel sorry for moving the picture. “It’s in a box with the rest of the stuff,” he told the demon. Was that relief he saw in Crowley’s eyes? Before he could analyze it too much the look passed and Crowley rubbed his hands together briskly.

“Yes well, awful picture of me anyway,” Crowley stated.

“Don’t do that,” Bobby told him.

Crowley cocked an eyebrow and waited.

“Don’t do that thing where you pretend nothing affects you and the world can go to hell for all you’d care.”

“I’m a demon, darling. I’d love it if the world went to hell. Plenty of new souls and all that.”

“If you’re going to act like that you can just leave.”

For a moment neither spoke.

“I didn’t come here to fight,” Crowley said quietly.

“Why did you come here?” Bobby asked.

Pressing his lips together Crowley dropped his eyes back to the floor. “I actually came here to apologize,” he mumbled.

“Wow. Now that makes sense.”

Crowley turned back to look at Bobby. “What does?”

“Why you’d want to come inside. Didn’t want to chance anyone overhearing you apologizing?”

“Excuse me for wanting to preserve my reputation. I do have to uphold my image if I don’t wish to get killed. It’s only my life we’re talking about here.”

“You’re cute when you pout, you know that?”

Crossing his arms Crowley turned away to face the wall.

“What you can poke at me but I can’t poke back?” Bobby teased.

Sighing Crowley dropped his arms and looked back to Bobby. “I suppose I deserve that.”

Bobby snorted.

Standing Crowley made his way over and held out a hand. “Truce?”

“Truce?”

“You do know what a truce is, don’t you?” Crowley asked, dropping his hand.

“Of course I know what it is, idjit,” Bobby muttered. “Thing is, it’s too much like forgiving you. How do I know you won’t pull some other crap later on?”

“I can’t, in all honesty, tell you I won’t do something like that again. It’s too ingrained in me to tweak others. I can’t help it sometimes. I can promise to try not to do something that might ‘out us’ as you call it.”

Bobby growled again. Crowley grinned and then winked at him. He knew the demon too well to buy into this act. Something was bugging Crowley and he was avoiding the issue like the proverbial plague.

“Don’t do that. Don’t shove things away like they don’t matter. Talk to me, Crowley, open up to me.”

.

‘Open up’? Like about feelings and such? Crowley stared at Robert horrified. Whenever possible he avidly avoided the discussion of ‘feelings’. “Just what makes you think I’m shoving things away? I told you-”

“I know what you said, Crowley. You forget, I’m probably the person that knows you the best. I know when you’re hiding things.”

“I’ll grant you that much, but that just means you should know me well enough to know I don’t ‘open up’ about everything.”

“I’m not asking your you to pour your heart out here.”

“Good,” Crowley barked.

“If all we’re going to do is argue maybe you should leave.”

“Fine,” Crowley agreed.

Crowley blinked out of Robert’s house the second the word left his mouth.

 _Stupid hunter. I’m better off alone anyway,_ Crowley thought.

*-*-*-*-*  
1 month later  
*-*-*-*-*

“Whoa, slow down. What do you mean soulless?”

_“Soulless. Like, without a soul. How much more clear can I be?”_

“Balls,” Bobby muttered. “Alright you two head for my house and I’ll try to come up with something.”

He should have known it was too good to be true. Should have known something like this would happen. He cursed when he realized what he was going to have to do now.

*-*-*-*-*

“Summoning, really? You couldn’t have just called,” Crowley asked trying to sound more annoyed than he felt. Truthfully he was happy that Robert had summoned him but he was still a bit apprehensive. Robert had never summoned him since before they started… whatever their relationship was called.

“Wasn’t taking the chance you wouldn’t show. I have a question for you. Did you know Sam would come back soulless when you pulled him out of hell or was it really an accident?”

“Excuse me,” Crowley asked. _Soulless?_

“You heard me, now answer the question.”

“Pardon me for asking, but just what makes you think the boy doesn’t have a soul?”

“Cause Cass couldn’t find it when he inspected Sam.”

Crowley frowned. If the angel didn’t find the soul that was definitely a good indication it had been left behind. Which meant it was probably still in the pit. Which meant…

“Well?”

“Are you trying to insinuate that I brought him back without a soul on purpose,” Crowley asked indignantly.

“Did you?”

“I pulled him out solely because you asked. I didn’t care if he rotted down there. You think it’s easy juggling things so that those two don’t accidentally run into my demons? I brought him back because _you_ asked; because I allowed myself, for once, to be swayed by _feelings_. Why _in hell_ would I have done something to jeopardize our relationship on purpose?”

“Okay, calm down-”

“I will not calm down,” Crowley insisted.

“You _will_ calm down,” Bobby ordered, raising his voice. “This isn’t about you right now. Right now this is about Sam.”

Still angry, Crowley tried to reign in his temper. He knew when it came to Robert he would always come after the Winchesters. It was one of the main reasons he had agreed to pull Sam out of the pit in the first place. With Sam gone Robert would mourn Sam like he had lost his own child. Retrieving Sam ensured that nothing disrupted Crowley and Robert’s relationship. Yes, it was selfish. Demon, remember?

“You’re right,” Crowley finally replied.

“So how do we fix this?”

“I have to look into it. I’m not sure where to start on this but I have a few ideas.”

.

“Crowley?”

“Robert?”

“You fix this and-”

“No.”

“No?”

“Our deal was I return Sam. I only have one rule; make a deal, keep it. I gave you my word I would return Sam and I always keep my deals.”

“Sam we got, it’s his soul that’s M.I.A.”

“His soul is a part of him. Without it the deal’s incomplete. I have research to do so, if you don’t mind?” Crowley pointedly looked down at the devil’s trap keeping him here.

Nodding once Bobby walked forward and pulled out his pocket knife. Flicking it open he bent down and scraped through one of the lines. When he stood up he suddenly found himself entangled in Crowley’s arms. The demon pulled him down until their lips met. The kiss surprised him too much for him to react before Crowley drew back again. Lifting a hand Crowley waved his fingers.

“See you soon, love,” Crowley said before he disappeared.

 _Stupid demon,_ Bobby thought. Despite his annoyance he still found himself smiling.

*-*-*-*-*

With the deal incomplete he had more options open to him than attempting this without access to that specific aspect of demon magic. Still, breaking into the pit again was going to be beyond difficult. At least the first time he had the element of surprise on his side. No one had expected anyone to attempt such a feat. This time even if they didn’t expect a repeat they were sure to respond more quickly. This was going to take careful planning.

He was going to need some help. Crowley ran through a list of people with the abilities he might need that he could also trust. It was a short list and in the end he was left with only one name. Crowley scowled at the prospect of working with the other person. Sighing he set to work gathering the supplies he was going to need.


	2. Chapter 2

“That makes absolutely no sense Crowley. You hate the Winchesters,” Castiel stated as he crossed his arms. “Why would _you_ pull Sam from the pit?”

“Why I pulled Sam out of the pit is my own business. Will you or won’t you help?”

“You wouldn’t do something like that without gaining something in return.”

“I’m offering my services to help retrieve his soul and you’re questioning me?”

“You’re not offering your services, you’re asking for help. You already intend to retrieve his soul. Yes, I’m questioning why.”

“I’m not in the habit of explaining myself. Either you help or you don’t, I’m doing this either way. There’s more of chance we’ll succeed if you and I join forces. If you really want his to get his soul back this is the best way. Do we have a deal?”

“No deal. I’ll work with you but I’m not calling it a ‘deal’.”

Crowley rolled his eyes, at least the angel agreed to help. 

“I warn you,” Castiel continued. “If you’re planning on stealing his soul and-”

“I never!” Crowley cried out in a mock-indignant tone. “Would I ever do anything like that?” _Actually he probably would if it wasn’t for Robert,_ he thought to himself. Crowley suppressed a smile at the thought. 

*-*-*-*-*

Getting to the pit was easy, well easy enough, if you knew how to do it. Getting inside the cage was a bit more difficult but still not impossible. Luckily for Crowley, he still had access to the part of his powers used for completing deals. Technically speaking any demon could make deals but the magic they acquired to fulfill the deals wasn’t the same in every demon. In some it was stronger and in others it was weaker. As far as Crowley could tell he seemed to be gifted with the ability to tap into more of it than any other demon.

_'Crowley?'_

Crowley metaphorically rolled his eyes but didn’t reply. He was reciting the chant to allow them to enter the cage. If he answered the angel now he would have to start again. Refocusing his gaze on the cage he scanned the energy surrounding it for a weak point. Nothing could completely break through the energy but it was possible to slip through a weak point. Passing through hurt like a bitch, Crowley knew from personal experience. The angel didn’t need to know that just yet, though. Besides, he _had_ told the angel it would be ‘unpleasant’.

When he spied a place that was weak enough he used his energy to shove the angel’s energy through. Hopefully Castiel would have enough time to recover from the shock of passing into the cage before he ran into the other two. Still reciting the chant he moved to enter the cage from a different location. There was no bracing for the pain of passing through the energy, still he found himself, metaphorically, holding his breath.

*-*-*-*-*

_Bloody hell that hurt._ Though he hadn’t been possessing a body before he entered he currently was now. Not a true body, rather a manifestation of the body he usually possessed. It had caught him off guard the first time he had done this. Suddenly going from an energy based form to a physical form was disorienting to say the least. Shaking off the last vestiges of the pain Crowley stood shakily and inspected his surroundings.

Crowley frowned when he found himself inside of a mostly destroyed church. All of the stained glass windows were broken. Random pews were ripped out of the floor and lay splintered throughout the room. In fact, the only place that didn’t look like it had sustained any damage was the sanctuary where the alter resided. This couldn’t be good. Though the pit did change randomly Crowley couldn’t think of any _good_ reason for this particular setting.

Despite the fact that there didn’t seem to be anyone else present Crowley carefully made his way forward slightly. Whoever had destroyed the church could still be nearby. Between the two options, Lucifer or Michael, neither seemed very appealing. After a cautious examination and not sensing anyone Crowley slowly made his way closer to the front of the church. Before he had gone more than a handful of steps he felt it; the feeling of Grace that signified the presence of an angel. It didn’t matter which one it was coming. Both were equally bad. Crowley cursed. In the cage his powers were severely curtailed. He had no chance in a one on one confrontation. Only able to blink short distances Crowley blinked into one of the booths of the confessional box.

“Well, well, well.”

_Lucifer. Damn it,_ Crowley thought to himself.

“I would have thought you would have learned how dangerous it was for a demon inside the cage after your first visit.”

Crowley shivered at the memories. He had barely escaped last time and he had the element of surprise then. His encounter with the Father of Demons had been brief and cursory then. This was beyond bad. Damn it Castiel, you were supposed to provide a distraction! 

“You must want something awful bad to have returned,” Lucifer continued.

Crowley remained tense, gripping tightly onto his power. Lucifer would be able to feel him. The angel would know exactly where he was hiding. If Lucifer hadn’t come after him yet it was merely because the angel was toying with him.

“And just what could a demon like you want that would make you risk everything… twice?”

Crowley didn’t take the bait. Yes, Lucifer would know where he was even without him answering but he couldn’t allow himself to get entangled in whatever game the devil was playing. Quietly, Crowley waited.

“Not the human’s soul. No, that would mean little to you.”

Silence, and more silence. The utter quiet was starting to become unnerving. There was no way Lucifer had left. Crowley held his breath.

“Tell me, demon,” Lucifer’s voice whispered harshly from the booth next to the one where Crowley was hiding.

Crowley jumped at the sound.

“What would make you risk everything?”

Crowley blinked as far away as the cage would allow his powers to take him. He almost made it to the front door. Lucifer appeared ahead of him instantly. 

“Well?” the angel asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Crowley pressed his lips together and did his best not to flee. He needed to be prepared for whatever Lucifer did next.

“I asked you a question,” Lucifer growled.

“I… I made a deal,” Crowley whispered.

“A deal that brought you to the cage twice? I would have thought you had more brains than that.”

“I, um, missed something the first time.”

Lucifer grinned and Crowley couldn’t stop the shiver that ran through him at the look on the Archangel’s face.

“I’m assuming you mean this?”

Lucifer held a hand up and Crowley watched as Sam’s soul swirled just above the angel’s upturned palm. Crowley swallowed hard.

“Yes,” he admitted quietly.

Flicking his wrist Lucifer banished Sam’s soul back to wherever he had hidden it.

“Tell me, little one, what are you willing to exchange for it?”

Trick question. Lucifer was insinuating that he could trade himself for Sam’s soul. If he wanted to, the angel could just bind Crowley to the cage and have done with it. There was no good answer to the question so Crowley didn’t bother to answer it.

“What would you accept in exchange?” Crowley countered.

“Interesting question,” Lucifer stated. 

Lucifer opened his mouth to continue but stiffened before he could speak. Crowley tested the air and sensed it too. Another angel, one less powerful than an Archangel. It had to be Castiel.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Lucifer taunted.

When the Archangel turned his back on him Crowley ported away. Standing behind the altar in the front of the church Crowley waited. He needed to find a way to figure out where Lucifer had hidden Sam’s soul.

“Don’t be shy,” Lucifer called out. “Come now, surely you can’t be scared of me?”

The utter arrogance in the angel’s voice annoyed Crowley. _Fuck off, mate,_ Crowley thought. Suddenly, the feel of Castiel’s Grace was right next to him. “What the bloody hell,” Crowley hissed softly, well aware that Castiel could hear him but wouldn’t answer. There was no reason for the angel to draw Lucifer’s attention to _him_. Castiel was supposed to be the distraction. 

Castiel’s Grace seemed to circle around Crowley a few times before moving away. Crowley frowned. Was the angel trying to tell him something? Crowley focused on the feeling of Castiel’s Grace. It seemed to flit around the room indiscriminately. No, Crowley thought surprised. There’s a pattern of sorts. Castiel’s Grace passed near the Archangel before flitting away instantly.

“Ah, Castiel. I might have known,” Lucifer stated sounding slightly amused.

_‘What are you trying to tell me?’_ Crowley thought to Castiel. 

Castiel’s Grace passed near Lucifer again but not quite as close as the last time. Crowley followed the feel of Grace with his eyes. It flitted to the same areas though in a random order. Crowley inspected these areas more closely. 

_‘Distract,’_ Castiel’s voice echoed faintly through Crowley’s mind. _‘Distract.’_

Distract? What, he distract Lucifer or was Castiel asking if he should do the distracting now? Part of the ceiling that Castiel had been drawing his attention to flickered. Crowley’s brows drew down as he focused on that part. As he watched it, it flickered again. Blinking several times Crowley tried to process that. The church was fake scenery inside of fake scenery. The cage changed it’s appearance on its own. There was no need for anyone to create another illusion. Well, not unless they were hiding something. 

_‘Distract,’_ Castiel’s voice sounded more urgent this time. The slightly questioning note in it made Crowley assume their roles were still the same. What did Castiel mean by allowing himself to get that close to Lucifer? If Crowley was supposed to get the soul they had to find it first. If they couldn’t find it… _Lucifer? Lucifer actually had the soul on him? Seriously?_ Crowley shook his head. Of course the Archangel would retain possession of Sam's soul. _‘Yes.’_ he thought as loudly as he could.

Instantly Castiel shot through the part of the ceiling that had flickered. The whole church shimmered briefly before the illusion collapsed. Mostly. Bits of it persisted in places. All in all it was an odd sight. He didn’t bother to ponder it too long. Crowley dove for Lucifer. In retrospect it probably wasn’t the best plan, but if the Archangel had Sam’s soul actually on him somewhere then Crowley had to find it and quickly.

As he tackled Lucifer he noted light glinting off a chain around his neck. Crowley snatched at the necklace hoping like hell it was somehow connected to Sam’s soul. What other reason could there be for jewelry in the cage? He had half a second to feel triumphant when he managed to break the necklace and spied the vial containing a soul. He had another half of a second where he readied himself to blink away from the Archangel. After that he spent a full two more seconds wondering why his head hurt before he realized Michael had arrived and was using his Grace to hold Crowley against a wall.

“Well, well, well,” Michael began, unknowingly imitating his younger brother’s earlier greeting.

Crowley tightened his grip on the necklace and desperately sought for a way out of this.

“Wait,” Lucifer ordered. “After I retrieve what is mine you may have the demon.

“I’ve seen the things you put that soul through. It is better off away from you,” Michael replied coolly.

Lucifer scowled. “You have your vessel. I no longer have mine. I will keep his soul.”

Crowley’s eyes shot between the two brothers. He had no clue where Michael would fall on this issue. If he so chose Michael could be a huge help in them getting out of this alive. Lucifer and Michael glared at each other. As Crowley waited to see what would happen there was a yank on the chain. The vial was pulled off and promptly disappeared. _‘Castiel!’_ Crowley thought loudly at the angel. Just then Michael and Lucifer glanced up into exactly the same spot at the same time. Of course the angel had left him here. What did he think would happen? Why would Castiel care if _he_ was trapped in the pit with the two Archangels? After all, _he_ was nothing more than a demon right?

Lucifer bellowed in rage and pain shot through Crowley’s ‘body’. The body might not be real but the pain was definitely real. Crowley struggled against the Grace pinning him in place. He had to do something to stop this. Nothing had hurt this much in a long, long time.

“Stop that!” Michael bellowed.

Crowley fell to the ground in a heap and curled up on himself. Everything hurt. He panted even though he technically didn’t need to breath. Desperately he tried to focus. He had to get out of here if he was going to survive this. He couldn’t allow himself to get killed because his mind refused to work properly.

“You will not tell me to stop,” Lucifer challenged. “You don’t understand what it’s like to have been in your true vessel!”

Crowley shook his head still trying to focus. His mind was trying to tell him something and he couldn’t quite understand it. Something was off with the situation.

“I know I would not torture my true vessel as you have done,” Michael countered.

“It was not my vessel. _That_ has already been stolen from me!”

 _‘Focus,’_ a voice ordered.

He knew that voice. Crowley tried to remember who it belonged to when it finally hit him. Castiel. That’s what his brain had been telling him. The angel was stuck in the cage with them until Crowley could complete the chant that weakened the energy surrounding it. The angel couldn’t get out without him. It had taken almost an army of angels to rescue Dean from hell and that had been merely purgatory. Not the cage. Crowley had to focus so that they could get out while the others were still distracted.

 _‘Focus,’_ Castiel insisted urgently.

Crowley began the chant while the two Archangels continued to argue. If they ended up resorting to more than just arguing he was going to have problems. Trying to continue the chant and dodge blasts of Grace from those two would be nearly impossible. If he couldn’t get the chant finished before they turned their attention back to him he’d be fucked. Desperately his eyes searched the energy surrounding the cage. His vision blurred from the strain of trying to focus through the pain and casting this spell a second time too soon after the first.

Something exploded nearby and shook the ground. Crowley fell to the ground painfully and desperately tried to continue the chant. His eyes shot to the two Archangels who were circling each other carefully. This was beyond bad. If there wasn’t an opening soon he was going to be incinerated in one of the biggest sibling quarrels ever. Why? Because he’d made a stupid promise to a man, a _human_ , he had fallen in love with. Crowley froze at the thought. _Love?_

 _‘Focus,’_ Castiel’s voice hissed in his mind.

Right, focus. Crowley picked up the chant again hoping he hadn’t stopped for too long. His eyes darted between the energy surrounding the cage and the two Archangels currently trying to kill each other. When one of them sent a blast of Grace too close for comfort to where he was standing Crowley dove out of the way. His shoulder hit something and bolts of pain shot down his arm. Still, he didn’t dare stop the chant. They _needed_ to get out of here. 

“You have no right to deny me what’s left of my true vessel solely because you could not get yours to agree,” Lucifer shouted.

Michael snarled at his brother and attacked him again. Crowley, arm throbbing, renewed his search for even the smallest break in the energy surrounding the cage. Another blast of Grace hit too close for comfort and Crowley glanced back to two fighting to make sure another wasn’t on its way.

_‘Here.’_

At the sound of Castiel’s voice Crowley’s head snapped up to scan the energy once again. Finally he saw it. The problem was, was that it was on the complete opposite side of the warring Archangels. Damn it. Crowley eased himself closer, taking every precaution not to draw attention to himself. When he was as close as he dared to get he blinked passed the angels and to the opening. He felt Castiel’s Grace brush past him as the angel made his way out of the cage. It was then that Lucifer finally noticed him. Lucifer shot a bolt of Grace at him as Crowley dove through the hole.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now remember, I am still working on multiple stories. Updates might take a while. Since this story was the last updated last time (and you guys waited the longest) I wrote a second chapter for this one before working on any of the others.
> 
> *Thank you again for your patience. As always, writers get paid in reviews so if there was something you really liked, let me know.*

Castiel sat up suddenly and inspected his surroundings. 

“Cass?”

Hands gripped his shoulders and Castiel turned to find himself face to face with Dean.

“Cass? You alright?”

“I am… alright.” Turning he spied Crowley’s vessel still laying back against the couch. There were now wounds on the vessel that hadn’t been there before their trip to the cage. Castiel frowned at this development. 

“Did you get it?” Dean asked.

Castiel ignored the question and moved to inspect Crowley’s vessel. Prying open the lids he inspected the eyes. Still frowning he placed a hand on Crowley’s chest and used his Grace to inspect the demon. Castiel almost sagged with relief when he realized Crowley was still alive. He paused when he felt something odd. Dean placed a hand on his shoulder and Castiel shrugged it off, focusing on what he was feeling. Slowly he lifted his head and eyed Bobby carefully.

“What?” Bobby huffed.

“Cass?” Dean asked sounding worried. 

With Dean here he would have to ask Bobby about what he was feeling from Crowley later. It didn’t seem like the type of thing humans liked to discuss in front of others. For now there were other things that needed his attention. Crowley should be alright given time to heal. Hopefully. 

“We managed to retrieve Sam’s soul,” he informed them.

“Great,” Dean exclaimed. “Let’s get it back where it belongs.”

“Yes,” Castiel agreed hesitantly. He was loathed to leave Crowley laying unconscious on the couch but he should probably take care of reintegrating Sam’s soul with his body first. There was no telling how much that would deplete him. Afterward, if Crowley was still unconscious, he would try to help Crowley.

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley struggled to open his eyes. Why couldn’t he open his eyes? Why did everything hurt so much? Was he dead? Something cool touched his forehead and he thought he heard the sound of someone speaking. There was something about that voice. He _needed_ to respond; had to. Something in his mind told him the owner of that voice was important for some reason. It brought to mind images of safety and comfort. If only he could remember. He needed to know who the voice belonged to. Crowley tried to lift his head and blacked out instantly.

*-*-*-*-*

Blinking several times Crowley tried to remember where he was and what happened. He hurt everywhere. A searing, burning pain he almost couldn’t bear; a sharp breath taking coldness. His vision was still too fuzzy to make out much of his surroundings. With a soft groan he tried to prop himself up on his left arm to get a better view. The arm didn’t seem to want to move. 

“No,” a voice said from somewhere to his left.

“Mm?” Crowley hummed questioningly.

“No moving. You are not well enough.”

Crowley frowned as he tried to place the voice through the haziness of his mind. This one was different from the first voice. He couldn’t place this voice either but he knew it didn’t belong to the same person from earlier. He should know this person too, he thought. Even without knowing who the voice belonged to he knew he wanted the owner of the first voice back more. Who had it been? For some reason his brain refused to work correctly. Maybe it’s the pain, Crowley reasoned as the blackness engulfed him once more.

*-*-*-*-*

Over a lengthy span of time Crowley was in and out of consciousness an handful more times. Each time he awoke someone was with him. Sometimes he thought he could place the voice of the person, most of the time he couldn’t. Sometimes he would get frustrated that he didn’t know who was talking but sometimes… Sometimes he could swear he _knew_ he was safe with whomever the voice belonged to, identified or not.

.

Blinking repeatedly Crowley yawned. When he finished yawning he frowned. Demons didn’t sleep. So what was he doing waking up in a bed and yawning? Finally Crowley opened his eyes and scanned the room. His eyes stopped on Castiel sitting in a chair near the bed. The angel was eyeing him curiously.

“What?” Crowley asked. 

His voice came out rough and hoarse, barely audible even to himself. The angel lowered his eyebrows and continued to watch him. Crowley cleared his throat and tried again. 

“What?” he asked again, slightly louder and a touch more steady this time around.

“How are you feeling?”

Feeling? “Feels like parts of me are on fire and other parts are frozen solid. All in pretty cheery, thanks for asking,” Crowley grumped, crossing his arms. Well, he attempted to cross his arms. The left one didn’t want to move well and was covered in gauze as was his right hand.

“You should remain still. You are not yet fully healed,” Castiel informed him.

“I… What…”

“Lucifer,” Castiel told him.

Instantly it all came crashing back. Lucifer and Michael, the deal, Sam, his soul… 

“Robert?” Crowley asked instantly.

Castiel quirked an eyebrow. “Yes, I intended to talk with you about that. I fear it might still be a little early for that discussion.”

“What discussion,” Crowley growled. If that angel had poked around in things that weren’t any of his business… 

“You love him,” Castiel stated bluntly.

“No,” Crowley disagreed. “Demons can’t love.”

“I thought so as well,” Castiel agreed. “And yet, you do love him.”

“Can’t,” Crowley maintained, not quite meeting Castiel’s gaze.

“I felt it Crowley. You can lie to yourself but you cannot lie to me.”

“Fuck off,” Crowley growled. 

For a while neither spoke. 

Finally Castiel stood. "I should probably let the others know you are awake.” There was a few seconds of silence before Castiel continued. “Bobby will undoubtedly be happy that you did not ‘die under his roof’,” Castiel said before leaving.

As the door shut Crowley scowled. Nope, there was no way he was ‘in love’. Demons didn’t love, couldn’t. Castiel was wrong. Had to be. Right?

*-*-*-*-*

_Damn demon. Could have gotten himself killed,_ Bobby thought. Sam was still touch and go. They wouldn’t know how that would turn out until he woke up and they could talk to him. By all accounts everything should be okay, though. There was nothing more they could do for Sam right now except wait.

Bobby had wanted to sit with Crowley until he woke up but suggested they take shifts instead. Every time Crowley had started to wake when he was there the demon had become agitated and hard to calm. Better to switch out with Dean and Cass. At least they didn’t upset Crowley when he would wake up occasionally. Bobby thought about their relationship, or whatever you called it. 

Dating a demon was not exactly how he saw his love life turning out. Technically they hadn’t been dating by the actual definition of the word. It was more like monogamous friends with benefits than it was anything else. Bobby hadn’t wanted anything permanent at the time. Even if he had, Crowley wouldn’t have been his first choice. Crowley had agreed at the time. So why did it seem like Crowley wasn’t happy with the arrangement any more? Someone cleared their throat and Bobby looked up.

“Crowley is awake,” Castiel informed him.

“And you left him by himself?”

“Yes. He uh, might benefit if someone were to keep watch so that he doesn't do something to agitate his injuries more. If you would like, you could visit with him again.”

“You know how stubborn he is. Of course he’ll do something stupid to agitate them. You shouldn’t have just left him,” Bobby grumbled as he left the library heading for the room they were using for Crowley. It actually felt odd having Crowley stay here and not in his room like when Crowley normally 'visited' in the past.

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley slid his feet over the edge of the bed and onto the floor. He hissed as the movement jarred his injuries. Why the hell hadn’t the bloody angel healed him? The very least Castiel could do was to heal the injuries he sustained while saving the soul of _his_ charge. The angel was the one that was supposed to be the guardian for the Winchesters. Crowley was a demon, it wasn’t his job to watch over _anyone_ other than himself.

Didn’t matter, Crowley thought. He was used to being able to depend only on himself. He didn’t need anyone else. He hadn’t had anyone he could trust before he met the Winchesters or Robert and he had been fine. Crowley growled as he shoved himself off the bed and onto his feet. Damn everything hurt. He would have thought that, at the very least, Robert would have asked the angel to heal him. Whatever, didn’t matter. The door opened and Crowley tilted his head slightly to see who was here.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Robert asked gruffly.

“Leaving,” Crowley answered brusquely.

“Not in that condition you’re not.”

“I wouldn’t be in this condition if your angel bothered to heal me,” Crowley argued.

“Cass has been healing you. It’s taking a while because it’s difficult for him to overcome the damage Lucifer caused to you in the cage. The cage suppressed your ability to withstand the attack and enhanced the damage Lucifer could do to you. I’m not sure what all damage was done but Cass is having a hard time reversing it. He said he was starting on the damage to you before he began working on the damage to your vessel.”

Crowley lifted his hands slightly and inspected the bandages. 

“Temporary until Cass can get to those injuries.” Robert told him. “By the way Cass says your energy got all screwed up somehow. He recommends you try not to use it too often until he figures out how.”

Crowley closed his eyes and felt for his powers. It was difficult to touch them but at least they were still there. He cocked his head when he realized the magic granted for completing deals was gone.

“You got Sam’s soul back inside of him,” Crowley stated slowly.

“Yep,” Robert agreed. “About that-”

“No,” Crowley said, cutting him off before Robert could continue. “Deal’s a deal. I got what I wanted and you got Sam and his soul. Deal complete.” Crowley straightened and tried not to let it show how much it hurt that he no longer had a valid reason to visit Robert anymore.

“Deal might be complete but you still ain’t going anywhere.”

“Oh,” Crowley answered haughtily. No way anyone was going to tell him what he could or couldn’t do. “Just how do you propose to stop me?”

Robert shrugged. “House is warded against demons blinking into or out of it, salt and demon traps by all the exits and windows. There’s no way a demon’s getting in or out of here any time soon.”

Crowley scowled. “If you wanted my company that badly you could have just said so instead of going through all of that trouble.”

“You wouldn’t have listened,” Robert replied shrugging.

Still scowling Crowley turned his back to Robert. 

“Sulk all you want but you’re staying whether you like it or not.”

_I’m not sulking,_ Crowley thought to Robert.

“Crowley…”

Crowley took a deep breath and released it. Schooling his features he turned back to face Robert. “Yes well, as long as I’m here maybe we could put the time to good use,” Crowley flirted.

“Drop it,” Robert said, crossing his arms. “You can’t lie to me. I know you too well to be fooled by the act.”

“Act?” Crowley questioned trying to sound innocent. “Since when _haven’t_ I wanted to sleep with you?”

“If it came down to sex or freedom you’d choose freedom every time. Sex you can always get. Freedom means safety to you.”

For a few seconds the mask slipped and Crowley could only stare. There was absolutely no way Robert could know something like that. Crowley blinked a few times and slammed the mask firmly back into place. “Oh I don’t know, sex with you might make a person rethink the benefits of freedom,” Crowley said with a wink.

“As much as I doubt that’s true with anyone else I’ve been with, I _know_ it’s horse shit with you.”

Crowley struggled to keep the mask from slipping again. 

“You never discuss your past and I respect you enough not to ask. Respect me enough not to play games with me like you do everyone else.”

Crowley’s eyes slid closed. He couldn’t do this right now. There was no way he was ready to think about his past let alone talk about it. Arms wrapped around his middle and Crowley jumped. He tensed and jerked his head around to see who was touching him. He almost sighed in relief when he realized it was only Robert. For a few seconds he relaxed into the feeling of Robert’s arms around him. Finally he gave one of Robert’s arms a gentle pat.

“As much as I would like to continue this, you might want to let go soon.”

“Why’s that?” Robert asked, leaning his head down onto Crowley’s shoulder.

“Wouldn’t want the boys popping in and seeing something they shouldn’t, do we?”

“They’ll live,” Robert stated.

Crowley frowned and twisted his head to look back at Robert. “What?”

“Yeah I’d rather not have to deal with their reactions but, I just got through putting Sam first. It’s your turn now.”

“Turn?”

“You know what I meant.”

“No, I really don’t.”

“I didn’t mean it like turn. I just meant you helped us get Sam’s soul so-”

“You owe me?” Crowley growled.

“I don’t owe you jack. As you put it a deal’s a deal.”

_Whatever,_ Crowley though. He blinked out of Robert’s arms and to the other side of the room. Or tried to. The next thing he knew he was lying on the ground in more pain than he’d felt in many years.

_‘Yes little one. Do that again,’_ Lucifer’s voice hissed in his ears.

Something touched his arm and Crowley panicked. Instantly he backed away from whoever was touching him. He scanned the room to see who it was, desperately hoping it wasn’t the Archangel.

“Whoa, hold up. It’s only me, Crowley.”

Crowley stared stupidly at Robert and blinked several times. 

“You’re okay. It’s only me,” Robert repeated.

“I… I don’t…”

Robert sighed and moved closer slowly. He sat down on the edge of the bed not far from where Crowley was still sitting on the floor. “You used your energy, or whatever you guys call it, didn’t you?”

“Powers,” Crowley whispered. “Or magic. If it has to do with deals.”

Robert nodded to himself. “Later you should tell Cass about what happened. He said he needed more information to be able to help untangle this or that crap. For now why don’t you come up here?” Robert asked patting the edge of the bed.

“I- I’m not sure…” 

“Just get up here,” Robert ordered. “You can go back to being all scary and demonic in a minute. For now let me hold you.”

Biting his lower lip Crowley stood and quietly made his way to the edge of the bed. He stared at the floor unsure if he should follow through with this. He was a demon, demon’s didn’t do comfort. They didn’t comfort others and others damn sure didn’t comfort them. Before he could contemplate it too long Robert reached an arm around him and drew him down onto the bed. _Maybe just this once,_ Crowley thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sanctuary - In most churches, the sanctuary is in front of the nave, and kept separate by railing if possible. This area is home to the altar, tabernacle, pulpit and a chair for the priest or pastor. The pulpit is generally raised and used during the sermon, or instructional time of the service. The altar is the place where the priest prepares communion, which is stored in the tabernacle when not in use. Modern churches may simply have a stage without altar or tabernacle. In these churches, the pastor may sit or stand and the use of a pulpit will depend on the local church.


	4. Chapter 4

In self interest Crowley decided not to use his powers for the present. For now it would be wiser to wait for the angel’s assessment. To that end he sat sullenly on the edge of the bed with his arms crossed waiting for the angel to enter the room. Bobby had held him until Crowley had chafed under the concern he felt from the hunter. He was a demon, he didn’t need to be coddled. At least that’s what he told himself. He couldn’t deny how nice it felt just to hold and be held by someone no matter how much he wanted to deny it. There was a soft knock on the door and Crowley lifted his head to eye the door.

“‘S open,” Crowley grumped.

The door opened and Castiel stood in the doorway looking as uncomfortable as Crowley felt. _At least I’m not completely alone in my misery,_ Crowley thought.

“Just get in here so we can get this over with and I can finally leave,” Crowley grumbled.

Entering Castiel closed the door behind himself. Making his way over Castiel sat in the chair next to the bed. Unable to take the pitying look in the angel’s eyes Crowley turned to glare at the wall.

“Well, get on with it.”

Without a word Castiel placed a hand on Crowley’s shoulder as his eyes closed. After a few seconds Crowley felt a sharp jolt pass through his body. He jerked his shoulder out of the angel’s grip at the same time Castiel jerked away from him.

“Bloody hell! What did you do?” Crowley demanded.

“It wasn’t me. Let me try again.”

“Another chance to do what, kill me this time?”

“I told you that wasn’t me,” Castiel insisted. “Something about your energy is wrong. I need to figure out what it is to be able to help you.”

“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m going to let you try something like that again. Who knows what you’re planning.”

“I’m not planning anything. You’re energy is twisted, I need to figure out how so I can untangle it.”

“Bloody hell,” Crowley snapped. “Fine but that better not happen again.”

Castiel gently placed his hand back on Crowley’s shoulder. Crowley tensed, readying himself to jerk away again. When it didn’t happen he began to relax slightly.

.

“Well?” Crowley growled.

“I’m not sure how accurate my initial interpretation is. I’d rather examine you further before committing to anything.”

“I’m sure you would. _I’d_ much rather you tell me what you think is happening before I let you inspect me again.”

Castiel hesitated. Crowley raised an eyebrow and waited. Finally Castiel sighed and gave a slight nod. “I think energy is infused with Grace,” Castiel stated.

“Not possible.”

“I told you I needed to examine you further to be sure but I’m fairly certain that is what’s wrong.”

“No,” Crowley insisted. “There’s no way that could have happened.”

“It’s the most logical assumption at this point.”

“No,” Crowley denied. 

To prove it he tried to blink to the other side of the room. He ended up in a heap on the ground where he had previously been standing. Pain, sharp and intense, racked his body.

_‘Yes little one. Do that again. More!’_

“Hurts,” Crowley gasped. “Make it stop.”

Gasping Crowley reached up and wrapped his arms around his middle. Desperately he tried to gasp for air. He rolled from side to side trying to lessen the pain. _‘Hurts!’_ Crowley thought. 

“Tell me what’s happening,” Castiel ordered.

_‘Again!’_ Lucifer ordered. _‘Free me.’_

Crowley shook his head.

“You _have_ to tell me what’s happening,” Castiel insisted.

“Lucifer,” Crowley gasped out before finally succumbing to the darkness.

-

“Wait,” Bobby interrupted. “You’re saying somehow Lucifer managed to bind Crowley to him with his Grace?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Castiel told him.

“How?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. I didn’t even know it could be done,” Castiel answered. “I assume it happened as we were leaving the pit. It’s going to take some time to figure out how to undo this, if I even can.”

“What do you mean, ‘if you can’? Bobby growled.

“I mean I might not be able to reverse it. I’m a little hesitant to do it but I could talk to Raphael about this to see if he has any insight. I’m just not sure how much he would be willing to help Crowley.”

“Does it really matter?” Dean asked. Cass and Bobby turned to face him and Dean continued. “I mean, it’s Crowley. If this keeps him from being able to do demon things then isn’t that a good thing? Shouldn’t we be happy he can’t use his powers?”

“He literally just used those powers to pull _your brother’s soul_ out of hell,” Bobby snapped. “If it weren’t for him Sam wouldn’t have his soul. Hell for that matter Sam would still be stuck in the cage with Lucifer. How can you have the audacity to stand here and tell us we shouldn’t do anything to help _him_? Haven’t you ever heard of gratitude?” Bobby growled.

Before Dean could reply he was cut off by a loud, fearful sounding yell from Crowley.

_“Robert!”_

“Balls,” Bobby cursed as he rushed towards Crowley’s room.

.

Desperately sucking in air Crowley sat up straight trying to figure out where he was. Still groggy he didn’t realize he had actually called out for the hunter upon awakening. He did, however, have a desperate desire to have the older hunter hold him and comfort him. Of course he’d deny it if anyone asked but on a deep level he did need the older hunter. He just didn’t dare let himself think the other could truly care for him. Crowley knew better than most that sex and love were not the same thing.

“Crowley?” Robert called out as the door to the room flung open.

“What?” Crowley asked as he crossed his arms and turned his face away.

The hunter entered and inspected the room cautiously. “You called out,” Robert informed him as Castiel and Dean appeared in the doorway. “Thought maybe something was wrong.”

“Something is wrong,” Crowley huffed. “My powers don’t bloody work right!”

“I might be able to help with that if you would let me examine them again,” Castiel said quietly.

Crowley glared at the angel. “Why? So you can tell me I have angel Grace screwing with my powers? It’s not possible,” Crowley insisted.

“It is theoretically possible and the probable cause but I can’t be sure until I double check.”

“A demon can’t just…” Crowley waved a hand distractedly trying to come up with a good adjective. “‘Absorb’ Grace,” Crowley snapped.

“Hush you,” Robert ordered. “How sure are you that’s what happened?” he asked Castiel.

“Not completely, it’s just the best choice out of all the available options. I would need to double check again to be sure.”

“Right then,” Robert acknowledged. “Double check.”

“No,” Crowley dissented.

“You’re going to let him do whatever he needs to in order to help you if I have to hold you still for him,” Robert insisted.

Crowley stiffened instantly at those words. Like hell someone was going to hold him down and let someone do things to him. He had already suffered through that exact situation more than enough times. He had worked hard to gain enough power so that he could keep that from ever happening again. It was one of the precious few things Crowley had shared about himself when he had actually opened up slightly. That Robert would even consider it was untenable. He should have known better than to trust the other man.

“I dare you to try,” Crowley hissed. 

Robert opened his mouth but paused. Closing his mouth, his eyebrows lowered as he seemed to be inspecting Crowley. Crowley merely glared at him angrily. After what he had shared with Robert how dare he suggest such a thing. Robert’s face softened slightly.

“I was out of line,” Robert said softly.

Crowley continued to glare and said nothing.

“We should check on Sam,” Castiel told Dean.

“And leave Bobby alone with him?” Dean scoffed.

“Yes Dean. Crowley cannot use his powers, Bobby is in no danger. We should check in on Sam and see how he is doing.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re just trying to get me to leave the room?” Dean muttered as he headed down the hallway with Castiel.

As the two left Bobby crossed the room and closed the door behind them. When the door was closed he turned back to face Crowley. He stood by the door making no attempt to approach Crowley. _Smart,_ Crowley thought angrily. At this point he had no idea how he would react if Robert ventured too close.

“I apologize for that,” Robert said quietly. “I was frustrated but I still should have chosen my words better.”

Crowley huffed, unwilling to forgive and forget.

“I can’t do anything about it except apologize Crowley.”

He felt his eyes beginning to sting but absolutely refused to let the tears fall. The absolute last thing he would allow right now to let Robert see him as weak. He still longed for the comfort he found in Robert, which only served to anger him further.

“Would you like me to leave?” Robert asked.

_Yes,_ Crowley thought. _And no._ He felt betrayed and wanted the other man as far away as possible but he also felt hurt and wanted Robert to hold him. Unable to reconcile his feelings into anything useful Crowley chose to ignore them altogether. As he always did when he was confronted with conflicting emotions Crowley armored himself with indifference.

“If you want,” he replied dispassionately.

“Oh no you don’t,” Robert growled. “We got too much history between us. You’re not going to retreat back to the old ‘nothing effects me’ attitude. I know you too well for that.” 

Robert was silent for several seconds before he finally cursed under his breath. Making his way to where Crowley sat Robert snagged the chair on his way past. He left a good five feet between him and Crowley when he finally sat down. Crowley pretended to inspect his nails as a reason to break eye contact. In truth he was worried that Robert would see his inner turmoil if he didn’t look away.

“You can drop the act,” Robert stated flatly. “If you wanted me to leave you would have said so.”

“By that logic if I had wanted you to stay I would have said so,” Crowley replied blandly.

“Yep,” Robert agreed.

Crowley frowned. “I did neither,” he pointed out.

“Which tells me everything I needed to know,” Robert answered.

Crowley finally turned to face Robert directly. “How?” he asked genuinely curious.

“You said it yourself. If you wanted me to stay you would have said it. If you wanted me to leave you would have said that. You didn't say either. That tells me you can’t decide which one you want more. That tells me at least part of you wanted me to stay.”

Crowley stared at Robert stunned at the hunters deduction.

“Of course it also means part of you wanted me to leave,” Robert continued with a slight shrug. “I chose what I considered the best course of action, staying in the same room while still leaving you space.”

Crowley dropped his eyes to the ground as they began to sting once again. For a while the two of them sat in silence. Emotions warred inside Crowley as he fought to keep them from shredding the carefully crafted shroud of indifference he so often used as protection. After some time he realized Robert wasn’t going to leave any time soon. Crowley shook his head before lifting his eyes back to the hunter.

“Why do you want to be with me?” he asked suddenly. “I know what I get out of the deal but what do you get?”

“Besides the amazing sex?” Robert asked cocking an eyebrow.

“It’s never been just about the sex with you,” Crowley retorted, crossing his arms.

“Idjit,” Robert replied affectionately. “I get your company.”

Blinking Crowley tried to understand that remark.

“Let me put it another way. I get someone who’s smart, funny, snarky as hell, and not too bad looking. I get intelligent conversations with someone who can hold their own on a variety of topics and speak multiple languages. I also get one of the best cooks I’ve ever met and I get someone who can trade insults with the best of them. Not to mention you can hold your own if I ever needed to call on you for back up on a hunt.”

Crowley dropped his eyes again suddenly feeling guilty for no reason he could understand. 

“Crowley?”

Crowley raised his eyes to meet Robert’s.

“I really am sorry about what I said.”

As much as he wanted to still be pissed about the remark he couldn’t hold onto the initial anger he had felt. “Why did you say it?” he asked quietly.

“I didn’t think, simple as that. I was too worried about you getting the help you needed to think clearly.”

“Can… Could you just…” 

“What do you need Crowley?”

He shook his head. “Never mind.”

“Crowley,” Robert growled.

The tone brought a smile to Crowley’s face. He loved the way his name sounded when Robert would say it that way. Crowley would sometimes irritate the other man on purpose just to get Robert to growl his name in that tone.

“I was going to ask something but it’s probably better if I don’t.”

“Ask,” Robert demanded.

“I was going to ask if you, ah, could just hold me for a minute. Then I realized Dean could walk in at any moment. Since you didn’t want them to know about us I just-”

“Move over,” Robert ordered.

Crowley stared at Robert in shock. “But, someone could walk in at any moment,” he argued.

“Yep,” Robert agreed.

“But then they’d know.”

“Yep,” Robert repeated.

Crowley blinked repeatedly, at a loss for words.

“I’m tired of trying to hide this and it’s not fair to you. I’m not saying I want to make an announcement but if they find out, then they find out. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Crowley grinned happily. “If we do make an announcement I could-”

“Crowley,” Robert growled.

Crowley’s grin widened. He doubted he would ever get tired of hearing Robert growling his name.

“That’s not an invitation to out us on purpose,” Robert muttered as he moved sit on the bed next to Crowley.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, love,” Crowley teased as he snuggled against Robert.


	5. Chapter 5

Trust him to say exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time. It had taken months to get Crowley to share anything. Even then it was mostly insignificant details. He hadn’t learned anything truly personal until Crowley had shown up at his house late one night completely drunk off his ass. Bobby hadn’t known demons could get drunk. Apparently if they consciously suppressed their tolerance and drank enough alcohol it could happen. He didn’t want to think about how much alcohol that would take to accomplish. When he entered the library there wasn’t anyone present. 

As he sat down at his desk he thought back on the night Crowley had shown up and shared things. It hadn’t been much but it was definitely more personal than anything else Crowley had shared up to that point. Bobby wondered what would have happened if Crowley hadn’t been forced to sell his soul. Would it have been better or worse for him if had continued living with his witch of a mother? Closing his eyes Bobby tried to think of something he could do to help his demon.

-

“Bobby?”

Bobby opened his eyes and saw Cass watching him from the doorway. 

“Dean with Sam?” Bobby asked.

“Yes. About Crowley…”

“What about him?”

“I have reason to believe he may have feelings for you.”

Bobby stiffened instantly and glared at the angel. “And what would make you think something like that?”

“When we returned from retrieving Sam’s soul I inspected Cowley to make sure he was alright. I felt a strong emotional attachment in him that seemed to be connected to you. It’s more difficult to feel now with him conscious but I believe it is still there just hidden better.”

“Balls,” Bobby cursed running a hand over over his face. At least he wasn’t going to have to worry about Crowley outing them. If Castiel suspected it was only a matter of time before Dean would know. The angel might mean well but he couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. “You told Dean about this yet?”

“I figured you might like to be the first to know of Crowley’s feelings.”

“Don’t tell Dean anything about this. It’ll only piss him off at Crowley more and that’s the last thing we need right now. I’ll talk with Crowley about it later. Let’s just keep this between ourselves for now, okay?”

“Keep what to yourselves,” Dean asked entering the library.

“Balls!” Bobby cursed. _Just fucking perfect,_ he thought.

“What were two going to keep to yourselves?” Dean repeated taking a seat in front of Bobby’s desk.

“Brace yourself, you’re not going to like this.” Bobby eyed Dean carefully. “Crowley and I have,” he paused trying to find a good label for their relationship. Dean wasn’t going to like this no matter what word he used. May as well be blunt and get it over with. “Crowley and I are together.” He watched Dean’s eyebrows knit together as Dean processed that information. When Dean merely continued to stare at him Bobby rolled his eyes. “We’re dating.”

“Dating?” Dean asked loudly. “As in… dating, dating?”

Bobby rolled his eyes again. “Well yeah, Dean. How many different ways do you need me to say it?”

“This is a trick,” Dean said standing. “He tricked you into this somehow. He-”

“He didn’t trick me into shit,” Bobby stated.

“Why would you date him? He’s a demon. He tried to steal your soul for fuck’s sake.”

“He did not. He gave it back almost immediately. We just let you two idjits think that to keep you from killing him. It was also Crowley that went down to the pit the first time to get Sam back. He just didn’t realize at the time he didn’t grab Sam’s soul as well. And for your information, yes, I had to make a deal for him to get the power to get Sam. And yes, he returned my soul after that as well.” 

“First off, you don’t like guys like that. Secondly, he’s a freaking demon Bobby. Demons trick people, they lie. It’s just what they do.”

“First, I date who the hell I want to date. Just because you haven’t seen me date a guy doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Second, I know he’s a demon you jackass. Third, he didn’t trick me into anything. It was always a mutual thing. It didn’t start as any kind of relationship at all initially. More like a one night stand kind of thing. Then it turned into a two night stand kind of thing. Then he just never stopped coming around.” Bobby shrugged. “If we want to go out on a date he’ll blink us somewhere people don’t know us and we’ll have a date. Most of the time we just watch movies here in the house.”

“I still don’t buy it. Why would you even contemplate sleeping with a demon?”

“I am not defending why I choose to be with someone. If I want to be with someone that’s my choice to make. Not yours.” Dean opened his mouth again but Bobby’d had enough. “I’m dating Crowley and if you have any issue with that, keep it to yourself. Also, I don’t want to find out you have any plans of harming him because of this. You don’t have to accept it, you just have to keep your mouth shut about it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go check on _my demon._ ”

.

“What the hell Cass? You weren’t going to tell me Bobby was dating Crowley?”

“I didn’t know that they were. I only knew that Crowley had feelings for Bobby, not that they were together.”

“Damn it!”

“Dean?”

“What?”

“Do you really have a problem with Bobby dating another man or is that Crowley is a demon?”

“There is no way that Bobby would date Crowley if he wasn’t tricked into it. I just have to figure out how Crowley managed to trick him.”

“Crowley’s feelings for Bobby are real. Perhaps Bobby’s are as well,” Cass said quietly.

“No possible way. They can’t be,” Dean argued. “He’s tricking Bobby and I’m going to find out how.”

-

The door opened slowly and Robert called his name quietly before poking his head into the room. Crowley was sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard, arms crossed, legs straight and crossed at the ankles. Robert walked into the room and closed the door. When the hunter didn’t immediately say anything Crowley frowned. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Dean knows.”

“About us?” Crowley asked sitting up straighter.

“Yeah. Apparently Castiel found out about, uh, something about feelings or something.”

Crowley growled. Damn it, he was going to kill the angel. “He’s wrong. Demons can’t love,” Crowley insisted. “And he had no business telling Dean about any of it.”

“He didn’t. Cass came down to tell me you have feelings for me and Dean entered the library at the tag end of the conversation. He didn’t take it all that well.”

“Figures,” Crowley muttered. “What’s his biggest issue, that I’m male or that I’m a demon?”

“Honestly? I’m not sure even he knows. Since Dean and Cass already know there’s no point hiding it anymore. That _does not_ give you permission to flaunt it in their faces. Understand?”

“Wait.” Pulling his legs up Crowley turned until he was sitting on the side of the bed and facing Bobby more directly. “Dean knows and you still want to continue this?”

“Well yeah. Did you think I’d dump you just because they finally found out?”

“Yes,” Crowley said honestly. When Robert looked confused Crowley continued. “It’s no revelation that Sam and Dean are always going to come first in your life. Why do you think I agreed to pull him out of the pit in the first place? That way you were happy and we could stay together. If I hadn’t agreed you would probably have called it off then. If Dean knows and he doesn’t approve then why _wouldn’t_ you break up with me?”

“You idjit,” Robert stated affectionately. “That’s it, move over, I’m laying down next to you.”

Stunned Crowley’s mouth opened slightly as he stared. When Robert made his way to the bed Crowley turned and moved so that he was sitting against the headboard again. Robert climbed into the bed scooted next to him. Putting an arm around Crowley he pulled the demon closer and held onto him.

“But…” Crowley began, trying to figure out what was happening.

“I told you if they find out, they’ll live. I’m not going to break up with who I want to be with because Dean doesn’t like them. It’s my relationship, not his.”

Crowley smiled at that. “Have you seen most of his relationships?”

“Crowley,” Robert growled.

Crowley smiled again. “I love it when you growl my name that way.”

“You probably just like-” 

Robert broke off when the door to the room opened. Crowley turned and expect to see either Castiel or Dean. Most likely Dean intent on voicing his displeasure. Instead, the person standing in the doorway was Sam. Sam stared at them and Crowley realized Sam was the only one that didn’t now know he and Robert were together. Oops.

“I, um, I heard Bobby’s voice and, um… I just thought… I’ll just, uh, go now and, um…” Sam stuttered.

“Wait,” Robert stated. “Everyone else already knows so I may as well tell you. Crowley and I are dating.”

“We are?” Crowley ask incredulous.

“Well I had to call it something and we do go on dates,” Robert argued.

“Yes, but dating’s, I don’t know, so much more permanent.”

“We have been together a few years now Crowley.”

“Yes but we never labeled what we had.”

“You want to call it something else?” Robert asked exasperated.

“I don’t want to call it anything,” Crowley muttered.

From the doorway Sam began laughing at them.

“What’s your problem, Gigantor?” Crowley snapped.

“Dude, you two are arguing like you’re a married couple.”

“Not. Funny,” Crowley stated.

“Sorry but it kind of is,” Sam insisted.

“Wait,” Crowley said suddenly. “You really don’t have a problem with us being together?”

“Not my relationship,” Sam said with a shrug. “Bobby can date whoever he wants. I’m going to go find Dean and grab a beer. See you two later.”

Crowley opened his mouth to try to warn Sam that Dean wasn’t as thrilled with the news but Sam was gone before he could voice the words. He turned back to Robert who shrugged indifferently and put his arm back around Crowley. Yes, he could definitely get used to this.

-

Making his way downstairs Sam heard Dean and Cass talking in the kitchen. Perfect, he mused. Hit the kitchen, say hi to those two, and grab a beer. Everything would work out smoothly, he thought. Well, after Dean’s initial, ‘I thought you were going to die on us’ speech, that is. Happened every time so it was to be expected. What Sam hadn’t expected was to walk into the kitchen with Dean and Cass having an argument. There voices were low but there was no mistaking the emotion behind whatever they were discussing.

“I could always come back,” Sam offered, knowing it would break up the argument.

Dean’s head shot around to face him. “Sam?!” Dean was already rushing over and in a few seconds Sam was wrapped in his brother’s arms. “Damn it Sam. How are you? You feeling alright, I mean? No, uh, problems or anything we need to know about?”

“I’m fine, Dean.”

“I didn’t think you were ever going to wake up.”

“How long was I asleep for?” Sam asked.

“Five days. I didn’t think you were going to pull through this time.”

“Dean,” Sam chastised lightly. “I spent longer than that in the pit with Lucifer.”

“Don’t remind me,” Dean grumbled.

“Five days of sleep in Bobby’s house is nothing. Now move it loser, I want a beer.”

“Bitch,” Dean said affectionately.

“Jerk,” Sam answered smiling.

Moving to the fridge Sam opened it and grabbed a beer. He stared at the other bottles before grabbing another. Standing he shut the fridge and turned to his brother. “Dean,” Sam called.

“Yeah?” Dean asked, turning.

Before Dean could finish turning Sam tossed the second bottle. As always, Dean caught it effortlessly. When they’d been growing up doing the same thing with sodas in his case, or beers in Dean’s case had been one of Sam’s favorite things. At the time it impressed Sam more than almost anything else. Later he came to understand it was just hunter reflexes. Still the memories made him smile. 

“So what were you and Cass arguing about earlier,” Sam pried.

“Nothing,” Dean said as Cass replied, “Bobby.”

Sam paused mid-sip and put his beer on the table. “Um, what?”

Dean and Cass shared a look and Sam was instantly worried. Sighing heavily Dean grabbed a chair and twisted it around. Sitting down in the chair backwards Dean watched Sam for several seconds before taking a long swig of beer. “It’s like this,” he said placing the beer on the table and settling in for what Sam still thought of as one of Dean’s ‘big brother’ talks. “Crowley tricked Bobby into sleeping with him and-”

“Dean,” Castiel admonished quietly.

“Well he did,” Dean proclaimed.

“Wait,” Sam ordered, holding up a hand. "Tricked?”

“Yeah, I mean why else would he do it?”

“Um, maybe ‘cause he cares about him?” Sam stated.

“Oh come on,” Dean groaned. “Seriously? Bobby sleeping with a demon? It’s obvious Crowley’s tricking him into something.”

Sam thought back to the picture he had walked in on. He let his eyes drift closed as he remembered. Crowley, tense and drawn in on himself. Bobby with an arm around the demon that looked to stunned to move. If Crowley had been trying to deceive Bobby wouldn’t he have put more effort into it? Crowley was the one that honestly looked uncomfortable.

“I don’t think so,” Sam replied hesitantly.

“He has to be,” Dean insisted. “Bobby doesn’t date guys,” Dean stated matter-of-factly.

Sam frowned. Dean had a problem with same gender relationships? 

“There’s no way he would date Crowley,” Dean said definitively.

“Just Crowley?” Sam whispered, eyes not quite meeting his brother’s.

“Well, no. I mean, Bobby doesn’t date guys so…” Dean trailed off.

Sam’s heart sank. Despite everything he had always wanted his big brothers approval. If Dean didn’t approve of same gender relationships… 

“Sammy?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam said dismissively. What Dean didn’t know wouldn’t hurt either of them. “Bobby and Crowley?”

“You really see Bobby dating a guy?” Dean asked angrily.

“Why not?” Sam asked defensively.

“Because he doesn’t date guys Sam,” Dean stated sounding exasperated. “No one in this family does.”

Sam worked to keep his face neutral as he took another swig of beer to hide his expression. Their dad? Yeah Sam would have expected that kind of response. Dean? Sam hadn’t been sure where Dean would fall on that issue so he hadn’t said anything. And with a remark like that it wasn’t like Sam was likely to say anything anytime soon either.


	6. Chapter 6

When Dean left the kitchen Sam continued sitting at the table lost in his thoughts. It made sense if you thought about it he supposed. Dean was going on hunts with their dad before Sam ever started. Dean and their father were fairly alike. Sam would usually be dropped off at Bobby’s house while they were gone. Sam was pretty sure that’s what helped contribute to his personality being vastly different from the rest of his family.

“Why didn’t you tell Dean?” Cass asked.

Sam jumped at the sound of Cass’ voice. He turned so that he face the angel. He had forgotten Cass was still here. “Tell him what?” Sam asked confused.

“That you date males as well,” Cass stated flatly.

Sam sat frozen. How the hell did Castiel know that?

Cass let out a heavy sigh and sat at the table next to Sam. “I’m the guardian of the Winchester bloodline. I’ve been watching over you before you were born. Yes, I know who you dated. It was my job to know.”

Groaning Sam placed his elbows on the table and dropped his head into his hands. Of course Cass would know. At least Cass hadn’t said anything about it while Dean had been in the room. With Dean’s reaction to Bobby and Crowley he really didn’t want Dean to know he dated guys as well.

“You should tell him,” Cass pressed.

Sam raised his head to face Cass again. “You saw how he reacted when he found out about Bobby. He’s not going to like finding out that I date guys as well as girls. I mean, you heard him, ‘no one in this family dates guys’.”

“I’m not sure if it’s that Crowley is male that’s upsetting Dean,” Cass replied.

“What else would it be,” Sam grumbled, crossing his arms.

“I think he’s more angry with their relationship because Crowley is a demon than because he’s a male,” Cass said quietly.

“Possible I guess,” Sam acquiesced grudgingly.

-

“Feel up to going downstairs?” Robert asked.

“I wouldn’t mind getting out of this room,” Crowley stated tentatively. Sure he was getting sick of being cooped up in this room but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to make nice with Dean just yet. He knew Robert wouldn’t like it if he exacerbated the situation.

“Try not to start anything with Dean, Crowley. If Dean tries to start shit you let me take care of it. Okay?”

“I’ll try,” Crowley tried to reassure Robert.

“Well come on then,” Robert stated holding a out a hand.

Taking Robert’s hand Crowley let Robert lead him out of the room. While they did occasionally hold hands it felt odd doing so with the Winchesters in the house. Up until now they had done their best to hide their relationship. Dean’s reaction was hardly surprising. Sam’s reaction had completely stunned him. He hadn’t expected either Winchester to accept their relationship. Not that he cared. He didn’t bother with hiding the relationship for their benefit. It was more because he was selfish and didn’t want to lose Robert anytime soon.

They made their way down the stairs and into the library. Dean was the only one present and Crowley’s hand tightened slightly around Robert’s hand unconsciously. Dean had taken a seat on the couch and eyed them cautiously as they entered. They made their way over to the desk and stopped. Crowley released Robert’s hand and sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk farthest from the couch. He studiously avoided glancing towards Dean. If Dean didn’t start anything Crowley was perfectly content to continue ignoring the older Winchester. 

Bobby grabbed a book off the desk and leaned back in his chair. As he opened it Sam and Castiel entered. Sam paused slightly before making his way to the desk and sitting in the chair next to Crowley. Castiel shook his head and seemed to sigh before moving to sit on the couch next to Dean. Crowley frowned at that development wondering what it meant. Were the brothers having a disagreement?

“So, how are you feeling?” Sam asked.

Crowley turned and realized Sam was talking to him.

“Uh, not too bad I guess,” Crowley managed.

Dean scoffed and Crowley pressed his lips together to keep himself from responding.

“Thank you for, you know,” Sam said, with a distracted wave of his hand.

Crowley shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, don’t mention it,” Crowley stated dismissively. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Sam’s gratitude. It’s not like he generally went around doing good deeds and helping people. He was a demon for fuck’s sake.

“We should get back to work on sorting out your powers soon,” Castiel said quietly.

Dean scoffed again but still didn’t say anything. Crowley rolled his eyes before turning to face the angel. They really did need to work on straightening out his powers but right now he just wanted to spend time with Robert. Although the others now knew Crowley was unsure how much affection was acceptable to show in front of them. _‘That does not give you permission to flaunt it in their faces.’_ And then there was Dean. It would obviously piss off Dean if Crowley were to show Robert any affection in front of him. 

Oh sod it, Crowley thought. A single kiss isn’t flaunting anything. Standing Crowley walked around the desk and gave Robert a peck on the cheek. Dean made a loud disapproving sound, stood up and strode out of the room. Robert raised his head and silently watched Dean leave the room. Crowley waited until Dean was completely out of the room before even straightening. Robert turned to Crowley and Crowley waited expecting a lecture. He was sure Robert was going to lecture him on how they shouldn’t kiss in front of the boys. Instead Robert nodded once and returned to reading. Crowley’s mouth parted open in surprise. Sam calling his name broke through the shock.

“Yes?” Crowley asked, still stunned.

“You okay over there?” Sam asked eying him carefully.

“Yes. I am… well,” he stated haltingly.

“You just seem a little distracted,” Sam noted.

“Yes, well,” Crowley said as he did his best to shake off the stunned shock of Robert not being upset. “I really should let Castiel try to fix whatever’s wrong with my powers.”

“What happened to your powers?” Sam questioned.

“When we were retrieving your soul it seems Lucifer managed to catch me with at least part of his Grace while we were exiting the pit. It seems to have done something to twist up my powers. They’re still not quite right.”

Sam winced sympathetically. “Sorry that happened,” Sam said earnestly. 

Crowley was once again struck by an uneasy feeling at Sam’s open gratitude. Shifting uncomfortably he brushed his hands down his suit as a way to break eye contact. What the hell was wrong with him. He was a demon, he wasn’t supposed to be doing good deeds and having people be grateful for his actions. Finally he turned to Castiel.

“Yes, well. I suppose we should get started.”

-

“I think that’s enough for now,” Castiel stated.

“Thank the gods,” Crowley snapped. 

They had been at this for more than five hours. Five hours of having to endure the feeling of Castiel’s Grace prickling across his skin and throughout him was torture. At least for now it was over. Even with Castiel no longer working on him he could still feel vague traces of Grace. It would take a while before it would fully dissipate. Crowley started to stand.

“Hold still,” Castiel told him, pressing a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. “I would like to try to finish healing more of your injuries.”

Crowley scowled. The last thing he wanted right now was to feel more angelic Grace rushing through his body. Crossing his arms Crowley clenched his jaw and waited. As expected the feeling of Grace set his nerves on fire and set his teeth on edge. After already having endured more than five hours of this Crowley had a hard time remaining silent but he ground his teeth and forced himself to stay quiet. After only a few minutes Castiel finally stopped. 

“I think I actually managed to heal most of them now that I didn’t have fight against your powers and Lucifer’s Grace,” Castiel announced.

“Again, thank the gods,” Crowley growled. 

He promptly began removing the bandages and inspecting himself. To his great relief most of the injuries were completely healed. The only injuries remaining were those that had been some of the worst and even they had healed a fairly good degree. Crowley sighed in relief and relaxed back against the couch.

“Are we all done _now_?” Crowley asked annoyed and still slightly achy from the Grace.

“Yes,” Castiel stated.

“Good.”

Sighing in relief Crowley let his eyes slide shut. As Castiel stood up Crowley felt the couch shift. When he felt the couch shift again Crowley cracked an eye. Robert was now sitting on the couch with him. Crowley gave Robert a weak smile and held out a hand. Robert took his hand and Crowley let his eye slide shut once more.

“Come on,” Robert said. “Let’s go upstairs and lay down for a while.”

Crowley smiled and opened his eyes. “I think I can deal with that.”

Making their way upstairs Crowley hesitated. If they were going to the room he had previously occupied they should turn left. If they were headed towards Robert’s room they should turn right. The problem was, should he stay in Robert’s room with the boys in the house?

“Um,” Crowley began. “Which, uh, room…” 

“I guess since everyone already knows there’s no sense you staying in a separate room any longer. Truthfully it has been odd with you staying here and not in my room like normal.”

“So, uh, your room?” Crowley asked hopefully. 

“Why not?” Robert grumbled. “It’ll be better than listen to you complain." 

They made it to the bedroom and opened the door. Dean stood next to the night table holding something in his hands. When the door opened he jumped slightly and dropped the object he had been holding. The sound of breaking glass filled the air and for a second everyone froze.

“Dammit Dean!” Robert cursed.

“I was just-”

“Snooping through my room?” Robert growled.

“There’s no way you really have emotions for Crowley. He has to be tricking you somehow,” Dean shot back. 

“I told you he didn’t trick me into shit. Whether or not you approve Crowley and I are together, accept it.”

Crowley carefully eyed the item on the floor. He suspected he knew what it was and wanted to make sure. He made it a few steps forward before Dean whirled around to face him and brought his arms up as if to attack Crowley. Crowley stopped moving.

“I just wanted to make sure the picture didn’t get damaged,” Crowley said with a slight nod at the picture frame on the floor precariously close to Dean’s feet.

Since it was upside down he couldn’t be sure it was the one he was thinking of but he hoped; hoped it was the one of Robert and he. Dean glanced down and eyed the picture for a few seconds before raising his eyes back to Crowley. Dean took two steps sideways and nodded once. Crowley nodded acknowledgment and approached to picture frame. Picking it up some of the glass fell out of the frame. Lifting it he saw it was indeed the picture of Robert and he. Crowley smiled.

“I swear if I catch you in here again-” Robert began.

“Robert,” Crowley stated. When Robert remained quiet Crowley made his way back to the door and kissed Robert on the cheek. “You put the picture back,” he said with a smile.

“Of course I did,” Robert grumbled.

“Pick your battles Robert. This type of thing isn’t worth fighting about. Especially when we could be snuggling right now.”

“Can you, like, not talk about that kind of stuff when I’m in the room,” Dean grumped.

“Mm, love to,” Crowley replied still smiling and looking at Robert. “Leave and you won’t have to hear that or any of the other things we’re going to say.” Crowley gave Robert a wink.

“Damn it Crowley-” Dean started.

“You heard him,” Robert said while holding Crowley’s eyes with his own. “Get out and you won’t have to hear it.”

Grumbling Dean brushed past them and out the door. Crowley grinned. “I love it when you get all grumpy.”

“I’ll show you grumpy if you don’t get in that bed,” Robert shot back.

Laughing Crowley made his way to the bed and placed the picture frame back on the nightstand. Snapping he repaired the frame and got into the bed. 

-

“So how exactly are you helping fix whatever’s wrong with him,” Sam asked.

“I can’t seem to extract the Grace infused inside. I couldn’t even heal him with the Grace still twisted with his powers. I’m working on untangling them from each other. I’ve almost got them completely separated. I took a chance trying to heal him. Even though he was unconscious when I tried to heal him the first few times it obviously caused him discomfort. That he could feel the pain through the unconsciousness was unsettling. He shouldn’t have been able to feel anything at that point. It was risky attempting it again not knowing if untwisting the Grace from his powers would help,” Castiel explained.

“It looked like it helped a lot. I mean, you managed to heal him.”

“It’s not the physical injuries that worry me. They were healing well even if I couldn’t help with them. Whenever Crowley attempts to use his powers he ends up in massive pain. I’m not sure what causes it or how to fix it. The last time he used his powers he cried out and fell to the ground. When I tried asking what was wrong all he would say was ‘Lucifer’.”

“As in Lucifer was causing the pain or what?”

“I don’t know,” Cass said tiredly. “After he mentioned Lucifer he passed out before I could get anymore out of him. I am concerned about the implications.”

Sam started to ask another question when the sound of shouting filtered down the stairs and filled the library. Cass and Sam sat quietly, listening. It was difficult to pick up the actual words but the general sentiment was apparent. After the conversation with Dean earlier Sam could guess what had happened. After only a short time the shouting stopped. Sam waited to see what would happen next.

“You really should tell him,” Cass remarked.

“So he can get pissed at me? Not thanks,” Sam grouched.

A minute later Dean stormed into the library and dropped onto the couch next to Sam. 

“Dean?” Cass questioned.

“Crowley’s moving into Bobby’s room,” Dean snapped. 

Sam stood up and shifted awkwardly. Ever since the conversation in the kitchen Sam was uncomfortable discussing this topic around Dean. He needed to figure out how he felt about his brother’s opinion of same gender relationships. Until he did he was going to continue feeling uncomfortable discussing this.

"I think I'm going to go get a beer," Sam said before making his way out of the library.

Prying his thoughts off of Dean Sam thought about Crowley and Bobby. _'Crowley’s moving into Bobby’s room.'_ Dean had said. Sam tried to figure out how he felt about that development. He felt apathetic he finally decided. It wasn’t his relationship so why should he care about it? Actually, apathetic was quite right. A small part somewhere inside of him felt a touch of happiness that Bobby had found someone. He thought about it some more and finally decided he felt happy for Crowley as well.


	7. Chapter 7

When Dean left Crowley and Robert had curled up in the bed and snuggled. While snuggling Crowley had asked about how much affection he could show in front of the boys without ‘flaunting’ it. After a fairly lengthy conversation Crowley leaned forward and kissed Robert. Not a tiny peck like early but finally a real kiss. Still kissing Crowley reached out an arm and fumbled until his hand slipped under Robert’s shirt. As he was attempting to divest his Robert of said shirt Robert brought a hand down and grabbed Crowley’s wrist as he broke the kiss.

“No sex,” Robert growled.

“Just sex or anything at all pertaining to sexy time?” Crowley asked smirking.

“Dammit Crowley,” Robert growled.

“Just trying to clarify, love,” Crowley murmured, pressing up against his Robert.

“Just trying to get your way is more like it,” Robert muttered. Robert groaned as Crowley continued his slow deliberate teasing. “Horny little bastard,” Robert grumbled affectionately.

“Does that mean you’re going to do something about it?” Crowley asked batting his eyelashes.

Robert grabbed Crowley’s shoulders and shoved them until he was laying flat on his back. 

Crowley grinned up at his hunter. “Is that a yes?”

“You get loud on me and we’re stopping. Clear?”

“As crystal,” Crowley murmured.

-

Crowley awoke and, as always when he stayed over, paused taking time to reassure himself it was really Robert snuggled up around him. When he was finally sure he snuggled back slightly and waited for Robert to wake. While demons didn’t need sleep Crowley usually let himself sleep when he visited Robert. Not all the time but most of it. Sometimes he would lie awake just watching his Robert. A smile spread on Crowley’s face.

The smile faltered slightly when he realized he _was_ , without a doubt, completely and utterly in love with Robert. The infuriatingly annoying angel had actually been right. Holy, fucking, damn it! Love? How the hell was that even possible? When had it happened? As a demon he shouldn’t be able to love. Twisting his neck he glanced behind himself to Robert. Robert, who was sleeping peacefully. Robert who was smiling slightly even in his sleep. Robert who had refused to abandon him when his adoptive sons discovered their relationship. Robert who could have had anyone else but had picked a demon to love. _His_ Robert. As he watched his Robert opened his eyes and blinked sleepily.

“Mm, morning,” Robert yawned.

Crowley smiled. He had always thought Robert looked especially cute right when he first woke up. Crowley sat up and waited, giving Robert time to become cognizant. Finally Robert sat up and stretched. After a few more sleepy blinks Robert turned to face Crowley. Crowley leaned forward and gave his hunter a quick kiss on the lips. “Morning love.”

-

Sam whistled as he clicked the button on the coffee pot to start it. Sitting at the table he waited for the coffee to finish. Having spent most of the night thinking long and hard about Dean’s views on Bobby’s relationship he had finally come to a decision. While he wasn’t looking forward to dealing with the fallout he had made his decision. Crowley and Bobby walked into the kitchen just as the coffee finally finished brewing. 

Bobby sat at the table and Crowley moved to the open a cabinet. He set about making a cup of coffee. When he was done Crowley set the coffee in front of Bobby before moving to dig in another cabinet. Retrieving a kettle Crowley filled it and set it on the stove before sitting down at the table himself. Sam eyed the kettle slightly confused and turned to Bobby.

“Since when did you get a tea kettle,” Sam asked.

Crowley snorted and Bobby rolled his eyes.

“He didn’t,” Crowley quipped. “I did.”

“And then forbid me from even touching it,” Bobby snapped with more amusement than any real heat.

“After that spectacular failure the first time I asked you to make some tea?” Crowley shot back smiling. 

Glancing between them Sam could see the love they had for each other and smiled himself.

The conversation continued effortlessly. Sam was content to watch the easy banter between them. It was just as well because they seemed just as content to converse amongst themselves. He learned even when they would sometimes ask a question directly to him they were really only doing it to goad the other. When the tea kettle sounded Crowley stood up to finish making the tea. Just as he was finishing up Dean walked into the kitchen and paused.

“Morning Dean,” Sam stated evenly.

Dean eyed the other people in the room before settling on Sam once more.

“You should probably sit down,” Sam stated in the same even tone.

Once more eying the others present Dean finally moved forward and sat.

“I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen. When I’m done you can say anything you want, but until I’m done you’re only going listen.” Sam paused but Dean remained silent. “It’s obvious to anyone who has eyes how much those two care about each other. All you have to do is watch them talk to each other for five minutes. Bobby’s happy, for the first time a long time he’s finally fucking happy. I think he deserves to be happy. You aren’t going to convince me Crowley’s tricking him. If Crowley’s tricking anyone I think it’s himself. I don’t think Crowley can truly allow himself to believe Bobby loves him the same.

If your issue with their relationship is because Crowley’s a demon you might want to remember Bobby’s one of the best hunters there is. He knows full well Crowley is a demon and still chose to have a relationship with him. You might want to respect his judgement. If your issue with their relationship is because Crowley is male then we have bigger problems. Everyone deserves to be happy. Gender shouldn’t come into play at all. If Bobby or anyone else finds happiness with another of the same gender what’s it to you? Who are you to judge _him_ for wanting to be with another man? Who are you to judge me if _I_ find happiness with one?”

From behind him there was a loud shattering noise as Crowley’s mug hit the floor. Sam didn’t dare turn around. For now he had Dean’s attention. He couldn’t risk breaking eye contact with Dean. Not until he was sure Dean understood. Crowley muttered something and moved to clean up the broken cup. Sam watched Dean silently processing what he’d said.

“You…” Dean began before trailing off. “Are you saying… what I think you’re saying?”

“I like men as well as women,” Sam stated calmly but bluntly.

Everyone was silent for a long time. 

“Right,” Dean said suddenly. 

Pushing his chair back Dean stood up, turned, and left the kitchen. Everyone stared in mute shock. Even the sounds of Crowley cleaning up the broken mug quieted. Sam let himself slump in the chair. Well, he had managed it. He had stood up for Crowley and Bobby and outed himself as well. And now Dean was going to hate him. He tried to remind himself of the reasons why he had done it. Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. Turning and lifting his head he spotted Crowley standing just behind him, hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“And now he hates me too,” Sam whispered.

“Dean couldn’t hate you if he tried, Moose. He just needs some time,” Crowley told him.

Sam nodded at the words even though he couldn’t believe them. Moments later they heard the front door slam shut. Not long afterward a car door slammed and they heard the sound of the Impala's engine revving. As they heard the Impala pulled away Cass finally made an appearance in the kitchen. 

“Is everything… alright?” Castiel asked.

“I took your advice,” Sam said quietly.

“You told Dean?”

“He, uh, didn’t seem to take it well,” Sam said miserably. 

“He was probably a little taken aback. He may just-”

“Need time,” Sam said at the same time as Castiel. “I think I’m going back up to my room now,” Sam informed them. As he stood Crowley’s hand fell off of his shoulder. Without looking at any off them Sam left the kitchen.

.

Bobby watched as Crowley started to take a step to follow Sam only to stop. The demon looked completely at a loss as for what to do. Crowley attempting to comfort Sam and wanting to follow after and make sure he was alright warmed Bobby’s heart. Getting up Bobby made his way over to stand behind his demon. Slowly he wrapped his arms around Crowley and laid his head on Crowley’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Bobby whispered.

Crowley brought his hands up and gripped onto Bobby’s hands. “Did you know? About Sam I mean.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t know I knew. Came back early from a hunt once when he had a date over. Not recognizing the car I snuck in and checked the house. Almost accidentally interrupted an indelicate moment, if you know what I mean.”

Crowley snickered.

“Hush up, you,” Bobby growled. “Anyway, I managed to back out of the house without him knowing I’d been there.”

“Robert?”

“Mm?”

“Do you think Squirrel will be okay with Sam? I mean given enough time?”

“I do,” Bobby assured him.

“He needs his brother, you know?”

Crowley could have been talking about Dean but Bobby knew. Crowley was worried about Sam. Bobby nuzzled his demon’s neck before replying. “Dean loves Sam more than anything else. What Sam did was probably the best thing he could have to break through Dean’s issues with you and I. No way Dean was ever going to accept us. Ever. There’s no way he won’t accept Sam. If there was one thing Sam could have done to break down Dean’s defenses it was to place himself in the same category.”

“Robert?”

“Hm?”

“Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” Bobby murmured against Crowley’s neck.

“When… When you said…” 

That Crowley couldn’t finish the question didn’t matter. He knew what it was his demon needed. “Crowley?”

“Yes?”

“I.” He kissed Crowley’s neck softly. “Love.” Another soft kiss. “You.” Several more soft kisses to Crowley’s neck. Crowley shivered slightly then seemed to relax in Bobby’s arms. 

“Robert?”

“Mm hm?”

“I… I…” Crowley growled low in his throat.

“Love me,” Bobby finished for his demon.

“Yeah,” Crowley agreed.

“I know,” Bobby said softly.

-

Sammy was gay? Or Bi? Or… whatever-the-fuck he was, Dean thought angrily. Turning on his heals Dean punched the Impala. He didn’t even feel the pain in his knuckles. In all honesty it was mostly that Crowley was a demon that rubbed Dean the wrong way. He just couldn’t put it into words accurately. But… That Sam would want to sleep with men? Dean didn’t even know where to start with that one.

If it was a question of Crowley and Bobby he knew how he felt. Men did not sleep with men. But then there was his baby brother. That Sam wanted to sleep with men was surprising to say the least. Or was it? How much attention did he really pay to his brother’s dating habits? He realized he had never given it a second thought. He had assumed his brother only liked women because Sam had never shown any evidence to the contrary. Had he missed the signs? Did Sam really like men as well? Fuck this, he needed a drink. Cass showed up and spoke his name and Dean jumped at the angel’s arrival. 

“What the fuck?” Dean yelled.

“Your hand is bleeding.” Cass noted.

“What’s it to you?” Dean shot back.

“May I heal it?” Castiel quarried.

“Why?”

“Your brother would be upset were you to return in such a state,” Cass stated softly.

Sammy. Dean flexed his hand and realized he had probably broken two knuckles. Of course Sammy would be upset. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Just…. Just don’t tell Sammy.”

“Dean-” 

“No.” Dean was silent for a time. “I have to figure this out on my own Cass. Don’t tell Sam until I’ve had time to think about it, okay?”

“Whatever you say Dean,” Cass replied dutifully.

But then, Cass had no way of knowing the intense protective nature Dean had for his brother. Cass couldn’t know how much he had looked out for Sammy. God knew someone had too. Their father didn’t. Dean stifled a growl at that. Their baby brother had been an innocent at the time. He hadn’t had to know about the ‘supernatural’ world, but John had brought him in. John had made sure Sammy knew. Dean punched the Impala again.

Sammy had been an innocent. Not now but once; long ago. Dean had wanted him to remain that way when he was younger. In a world of evil he had needed one good thing. He realized even then he had been selfish. His desire for Sammy’s innocence had been for his sake more than anything else. Dean shook his head to clear it. 

“Dean?”

“Not right now. Right now I just need a drink.”

Castiel followed him into a bar. Somewhere between tequila six or tequila seven Dean forgot what he wanted to forget. His angel, though, didn’t. 

“Dean?”

“Leave it Cass,” Dean slurred.

“Your brother needs you,” Castiel said simply.

“Sammy can take care of himself,” Dean announced.

“Sam needs-”

Dean cut his angel short. “No.”

Too drunk to care Dean didn’t know why any of it mattered anymore.

.

Quiet bar, quiet drunks, quiet for his thoughts. Dean found he almost liked this place. He could drink here on almost any other given night he thought. That was, until his mind remembered his brother. Sammy. Sam liked men. It was ingrained in him that, that was wrong by their father. What did that mean? That their father had disapproved of Sam? Dean wasn’t sure about it. But… Someone disapproving of Sammy? His baby brother was often his sole reason for continuing. No. He needed his brother. If Sammy liked men then so be it. His baby brother could do whatever made him happy.

“I’m not backing down on how I feel about Bobby and Crowley,” Dean insisted.

-

“Sammy?” Dean called.

For a moment there was nothing. For a moment Dean worried his baby brother had abandoned him. Maybe Sam had been upset that Dean had left after learning Sam liked men as well as women.

“Dean?”

Dean finally relaxed at the sound of his brother’s voice.

“You okay?”

He had to answer that. He couldn’t worry his brother. “Yeah,” he called out. “Yeah, I’m good.”

He waited but Sammy didn’t reply “Sammy?”

His brother made his way into the living room and inspected him. “I’m fine, Dean,” Sam sighed.

Inspecting his brother Dean realized who Sam chose to date didn’t matter. He would always love his brother no matter what. Crossing the living room he hugged Sam. Sam was stiff for several moments before returning the hug.

“I love you and I don’t care who you date,” he told Sam.

After a few seconds of quiet Sam softly said, “No chick flick moments.”


	8. Chapter 8

To say the next few days were tense would have been an understatement of monstrous proportions. Thankfully, so far, tense was all that it had been. Dean and Sam seemed to be mostly back to they way they were before Sam had dropped the startling revelation that he liked men as well. Crowley honestly didn’t know where to start with that one.

After Sam had dropped that little tidbit Crowley been so stunned he had dropped his favorite mug. Okay, so maybe he should have guessed but honestly if even Dean hadn’t known then how was Crowley supposed to know? Initially it had stunned Crowley that Robert knew but later he realized he shouldn’t have been so shocked. His Robert had a way of knowing pretty much everything, especially when it came to the Winchesters.

Dean’s reaction had been typical in Crowley’s opinion. Take off and get drunk. As if ignoring the problem would make it go away. Crowley had been worried at the time that the revelation would be the one thing that would drive a wedge between the brothers. He should have trusted his Robert more when Robert had said that wouldn’t happen.

The only issue that seemed to arise out of that was Dean’s attitude if he were in the room and Sam would try to make polite conversation with Crowley about his relationship with Robert. It seemed the idea his brother might like men was something Dean could accept, even if only in theory. Any vague reference to Robert and Crowley being together, was unacceptable. It did lend credit to the argument that his objections were because he was a demon.

Dean all but ignored Crowley. Normally Crowley would either have mercilessly annoyed the older Winchester for personal amusement or he would have been pleased by the development depending on his mood that day. Neither option fit this time. Dean’s attitude annoyed Robert and upset Sam. Sam being upset annoyed Robert further. Robert being annoyed at Dean’s attitude annoyed Dean and upset Sam further. 

If Crowley tried to talk to Sam to help him be less upset Dean got more pissed and made more snarky comments making things worse. If he tried to talk to Robert about it Robert would snap at him then get more pissed at Dean making things worse on that end. The idea of talking to Dean about anything at this point was laughable at best. The hopeful glances Castiel shot him when their eyes would meet told Crowley the angel didn’t have any idea how to fix things either and was looking to _him_ for a way to make things better. 

For his part Crowley rarely left Robert’s bedroom. He figured if Dean didn’t have to see him maybe it would upset him less. Sometimes it seemed to work. Sometimes it only served to make things worse. Robert would bring him a cup of tea in the morning. He never brewed the tea, though. Sam did that, thank hell and the heavens. Robert had many talents but brewing tea was definitely not one of them. If Dean happened into the kitchen before they were done it only worsened everything. If he caught Sam making his way into Robert’s room for chat with Crowley he became impossible. Crowley’s head shot to the door when he heard multiple sets of heavy footsteps approaching.

_“He’s not going anywhere,”_ Robert snapped.

_“Then neither am I,”_ Dean shot back.

As the shouting in the hallway continued Crowley closed his eyes and sighed. Therein lay the problem. Until Castiel could fix whatever was wrong with him Robert wanted to keep Crowley here. Not a bad plan considering he didn’t really have any better idea on how to fix himself. Not to mention without being able to use his powers he wasn’t really able to defend himself. The problem was Dean wouldn’t leave as long as Crowley remained in the house thus deepening the tension. Finally the shouting stopped and the door opened. Robert entered and slammed the door shut behind himself.

“Fuck,” Robert growled.

“I do have safe houses Robert. I could-”

“Don’t _you_ start,” Robert snapped. “First he starts in on me to boot you house and now you’re volunteering? Finally something you two agree on! It’s my damned house, don’t I get a say in this? I’m not fighting the both of you on this, Crowley. You’re staying and that’s final.” Robert began to pace.

“I, I didn’t mean-”

“To offer to leave? Cause that’s what it sounded like. Sounded like you were offering to pick up and run away to some safe house somewhere!”

“Robert I just-”

“Just once can I get five minutes of peace in this house!” he shouted, still pacing.

“All I meant was-”

“If you didn’t want to be with me you could have just said so!”

Crowley flinched slightly but luckily Robert was facing away from him. Of course this would happen to him. Demon, remember? Demons didn’t get happy endings, he should have known better. He found someone he had somehow actually fallen for and something happens to take it away. Demons didn’t love people and they didn’t get love in return. By the time Robert turned back to him Crowley had his mask as firmly in place as he was likely to get it. 

“Crowley?”

“Robert?” Crowley replied calmer than he felt.

“You… alright?”

“Peachy,” he answered throwing the covers off his legs. “On the plus side, I know for a fact I’ll be able to leave now. There’s no way Dean won’t break a ward to allow it.” Standing he started towards the bedroom door. Robert got there first and refused to move. “Get out of my way,” he said slowly.

“I’m not letting you leave,” Robert told him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“If I have to explain what’s wrong, Robert Singer, it’s not worth the time it would take to explain it,” Crowley stated blandly.

Robert’s eyebrows lowered as he watched Crowley intently. His ‘thinking’ face, Crowley’s mind informed him automatically. He knew every expression. Had memorized them over the time they had spent together. _Shouldn’t have bothered,_ Crowley thought angrily. _‘If I didn’t want to be with you?!’ And he had almost said the actual word?_ Robert’s face relaxed slightly before falling into what Crowley thought of as his ‘oh hell’, expression. Without even a word Crowley knew the second Robert understood what had happened.

“It wasn’t you,-”

“No, it wasn’t,” Crowley said cutting him off. “It was you.”

“I wasn’t angry with _you_ Crowley.”

“You sure _sounded_ a touch vexed, love.”

“It wasn’t-. I was mad ‘cause I just got through arguing with Dean, Crowley.”

“And came in yelling at me. Afterward you proceed to tell me I should have said I didn’t want to be with you. You do get where that might hurt a girl’s feelings, don’t you? Hits me right right in the heart. Well, where it would be if I actually had one,” Crowley said shrugging.

“Crowley stop,” Robert ordered.

It was the wrong tone to use.

-

“Can you stop arguing with him?” Sam asked.

“There’s no reason for him to stay here, Sam. Even Cass says he doesn’t know how to fix what’s wrong with him!”

“Cass left to get advice. Give him a chance.”

“A chance to do what, help a demon get his powers back?”

“Yes. It’s more than him using them for questionable activities. Without his powers he can’t defend himself. Other demons would be able to torture or kill him.”

“So?”

“You’re impossible. How do you think that would make Bobby feel?”

“Don’t care,” a new voice growled. Both brothers looked up as Crowley stood in the archway. “Break one of the wards so I can leave,” Crowley snapped. “Now.”

Bobby’s footsteps sounded heavily on the the stairs. “Don’t you dare, Dean!” Bobby called out. “I told you you’re staying Crowley!”

Sam shared a look with his brother before both turned back to the entryway. Bobby finally made it into their view. He grabbed Crowley’s shoulder and Crowley yanked the shoulder out of his grip before turning to glare. 

“Do not touch me again. Dean, let me out of here,” Crowley ordered.

“Dean, don’t you dare,” Bobby ordered.

“What do you care,” Crowley shot back. “You don’t even believe I want to be here!”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I was just angry,” Bobby shot back.

“Maybe I’m tired of you taking out your anger on me,” Crowley shouted.

“Crowley,” Sam called. Silence finally descended in the library so Sam continued while he had the chance. “Both of you,” he said looking to Bobby briefly before glancing back to Crowley again, “both of you need each other.” Crowley opened his mouth to speak. “No, let me finish first then you can argue.” Crowley’s mouth closed and he nodded once. 

“Look, tension is high at the moment. It’s a mistake to make any permanent decisions right now. Arguments are bound to happen but you shouldn’t let that ruin what you have. You both love each other and if you can’t believe that right now then believe me. I promise you this will pass and if you throw away what you have you’ll regret it later. I don’t know what happened but it’s not worth losing each other over. Please, for me, take a deep breath and think about it for a few minutes. For me?”

Crowley opened his mouth to speak again but he closed it again. Taking a deep breath he held it a few seconds and released it. A second deep breath. Sam eyed Bobby carefully and found Bobby watching Crowley, shoulders tense. Finally Bobby broke the silence.

“Sorry I snapped at you,” Bobby said quietly.

Crowley’s eyes slid shut.

“Crowley?” Bobby repeated.

“For Sam,” he said quietly. “For Sam I’ll wait to make any permanent decisions. I would like some time alone for now, though.”

“I am sorry I snapped at you,” Bobby told him.

Crowley waved away the words. “I think I’m going to go upstairs now,” he said before turning and leaving.

 

.

“Alright, what’s going on?” Dean asked.

Bobby turned back from where he’d been watching Crowley walk up the stairs. Sam sat forward slightly watching him questioningly. Bobby huffed loudly before making his way over to the desk and dropping in the chair. “I snapped at Crowley accidentally.”

“What did Crowley do?” Dean asked.

“Dean!” Sam snapped.

“Crowley didn’t do anything,” Bobby growled. “I snapped at him because you couldn’t stop yourself from picking after me about him! You had to keep picking after me about him and when I went into the room I was pissed. When he offered to leave I got more pissed and snapped. Get this through your head Dean, he’s not going anywhere. Accept it or you are leaving.”

“How can you even consider dating a demon?” Dean shouted.

“Because I love him you jackass!” Bobby shouted back.

“I think we should all calm down,” Sam tried for peace.

“I will not calm down,” Bobby insisted. “It’s my life and it’s my house. I’ll date who I please and anyone that doesn’t like can get the hell out!”

“But why would you-”

“Dean stop,” Sam ordered. “Dean,” Sam began before stopping to lick his lips. “What would you do if I introduced you to some guy I was dating? Would you treat me like you’re treating Bobby?”

“Well, no but-”

“But nothing. Think, Dean. How does this look from my side? I just admit to you that I like men and the next thing I know you’re throwing a fit about Bobby dating another man. How do you think that looks from my side? How do you think it makes me feel?”

For a while no one said a word.

“Ashamed,” Crowley said from the archway.

The only one of the three that didn’t jump was Sam. He had seen Crowley’s silent return and knew Crowley was standing there. Crowley eyed Sam and raised an eyebrow. Sam nodded once and Crowley returned the nod.

“Ashamed and saddened,” Crowley continued. “You’re his big brother. He looks up to you, respects you. Yet you feel comfortable belittling his preferences in front of him. What do you think he’s going to feel? Why wouldn’t he feel like you would do the same to him?”

“Because I wouldn’t,” Dean growled.

“How does he know that? What he knows is how he sees you treat others. Why do you think he never admitted how he felt before? If he felt comfortable admitting it to you he already would have. Instead it took you attacking Bobby and I’s relationship before Sam admitted he liked men. Even then he only did it in defense of our relationship and not out of comfort.”

Dean turned to Sam who nodded to his brother.

“If I were in his position I’d be worried about how you would treat me or anyone I was dating as well,” Crowley continued. "I’d be worried you would treat us the same.”

“And defensive,” Sam added.

Crowley nodded in agreement.

“Defensive of others because you know what it feels like to be attacked for who you choose to love,” Sam said holding Crowley’s gaze.

Crowley gave another nod. “Yes,” he whispered, dropping his eyes to the ground.

Bobby stood and walked over to put his arms around Crowley. A corner of Sam’s mouth twitched slightly. He wanted to smile at the sight but couldn’t quite manage it. He was just happy that Crowley was letting Bobby hold him and not resisting the comfort. It made him wish he had someone to hold him right now.

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Dean said quietly.

Sam turned to his older brother and eyed him carefully. “I don’t want you to do it to anyone Dean. Not just me.”

Dean gave a slow nod and Sam could finally give a small smile. “I’ll work on it.”

“Thanks,” Sam whispered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor babies. :(

Crowley still rarely left the bedroom. Better not to tempt fate, he reasoned. He had no idea if the tension in the rest of the house had lessened or not but he didn’t want to chance anything unnecessarily. As he still wanted to leave but had promised Sam he would not to make any rash decisions he had moved back into the other bedroom. Occasional Robert would visit him but as of yet hadn’t pressed him move back into his bedroom. Sam would occasionally visit as well, more so than before the big blow up in the living room.

A knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. Sitting up he told the other to come in thinking it would be Sam. Since Robert was gone grocery shopping who else would it be? The door opened and Crowley froze when he saw Dean. To Crowley's knowledge Dean had absolutely no desire nor reason to visit. Standing in the doorway Dean looked uncomfortable and ran a hand through his hair awkwardly.

“Yeah, hi,” Dean finally said. 

“Hello,” Crowley replied slowly, still apprehensive and not moving. 

“Yeah. Well I, um, cooked so…” 

Raising an eyebrow Crowley waited.

“So if you want to come down and eat your welcome to,” Dean mumbled.

Crowley sat on the bed in mute shock. “Um, what?” he asked.

“If you want to eat then fine, if not… Never mind. Look I just offered because…”

Because of Sam, Crowley realized. Of course. It made sense that the only reason Dean would be speaking to him, not to mention civilly, was because of Sam. He could choose to be angry about that but instead he chose to accept the gesture, if only for Sam’s sake. “Yeah. I mean yes, thank you. I’ll, uh, be right down.”

Dean nodded once and left shutting the door behind himself. Crowley stared at the door, still stunned. Finally, shaking his head, he stood and made his way downstairs. If Dean could make an effort to be friendly then so could he. With that thought he made his way downstairs and to the kitchen. Dean had just finished putting a third plate on the table and ignored Crowley’s arrival. Sam looked uncomfortably between the two. Crowley raised an eyebrow at Sam who shrugged and shook his head.

“Hope you don’t mind burgers,” Dean stated without even looking his way.

“I haven’t really eaten one,” Crowley answered cautiously.

Pausing, Dean finally did look his direction. “Seriously?” he asked incredulously.

“I died in the early seventeen hundreds Dean. Since I’ve been a demon I don’t actually have to eat. Burgers weren’t really a pertinent food at the time.” Crowley shrugged.

Dean rolled his eyes and turned to rummage in the fridge. Lifting his head he whistled loudly until Crowley turned to face him once again. Dean held up a beer and Crowley thought about it twice. Tilting his head he spied two more beers in Dean’s other hand. Crowley gave a shake of his head and finally sat.

-

After the meal Crowley collected the dishes and began washing them as Sam began drying them. As they cleaned the dishes they talked various past relationships. Crowley didn’t have a lot of past relationships having never really dated anyone before Robert but it didn’t matter. Sam was content to let him compare things to his relationship to Robert. Crowley couldn’t remember feeling this content in a long time. He shifted to check on Dean’s attitude and realized at some point in time Dean had left the kitchen. Crowley frowned at that.

“So what about you and Bobby?” Sam was saying.

“Huh?” Crowley asked.

“I was asking where you two went for your first date?”

“Oh right, sorry.” Crowley reminded himself to pay more attention. “Our first date was actually here. I cooked and then it was movies and wine.”

“Let me guess, the wine was your idea?”

Crowley shrugged. “I like Robert a lot but if we’re going to have wine I’m choosing the bottle.”

Sam laughed and drained the water. “All done,” he announced.

“Want me to put them away?”

“I can do it if you like,” Sam offered.

“I’ll help.”

With a nod Sam started gathering some of the dishes and Crowley joined him. Robert returned just after they had finished returning the dishes to where they belonged. As the door opened Sam and Crowley moved to the kitchen’s archway. Crowley spied Dean holding a book and standing in the library’s archway. Dean gave a single nod before they all turned their attention to Robert. Robert stopped short at the sight of them.

“What?” he grumped.

Dean shook his head and disappeared back into the library. Still grumbling Robert made his way toward the kitchen. Sam and Crowley moved back so he could get through. Entering the kitchen Robert set the bags on the table and began unpacking. Sam tapped Crowley on his arm and Crowley turned to face him. 

“I’m going to talk to Dean for a while,” he said leaning over to whisper in Crowley’s ear.

Crowley nodded and Sam left. Sam was good about giving them space and Crowley was grateful for that. Making his way to the table he helped Robert with unpacking the bags. Most of it was groceries but there were a few other little odds and ends. While unpacking the third bag he stopped short. Reaching in he pulled out a coffee mug. It was identical to the one that had been his favorite before it had been broken a few days ago.

“Forgot about that. Was supposed to be a surprise,” Robert stated.

“Well I’m surprised,” Crowley whispered still staring at the mug in his hands.

“Just thought since the other one broke…”

“Yeah,” Crowley said, still whispering.

“Yeah, well, anyway.” Robert huffed.

Crowley turned to Robert. “Thank you.”

He didn’t have words to express how much the gesture touched him. The first mug had just been one of Robert’s old mugs. It became Crowley’s favorite only because the hunter would almost always offer it for Crowley’s use when he stayed overnight. Crowley just adopted it as ‘his mug’ and had since formed an attachment to it. This one might look the same but it meant more than the other. This wasn’t a random mug set aside for his use. This was one Robert had bought _for_ Crowley. His eyes began to sting slightly. _Bloody hell, I’m getting emotional over a stupid coffee mug,_ Crowley cursed himself.

“Baby?”

That did it. It was the first endearment Robert had used since their fight. Not that he had many chances to use one since then; with Crowley moving back to the other bedroom. Crowley walked over to Robert and wrapped his arms around his hunter. As Robert’s arms wrapped around him Crowley snuggled against him.

“It’s just a cup,” Robert huffed.

Crowley let out small laugh at the words. “It’s not the cup, _‘idjit’_ ,” Crowley murmured.

“I know,” Robert told him.

-

Gathering up all of his courage Crowley made his way to Robert’s room. It wasn’t that he was scared precisely. It was more that he was apprehensive. Okay, and maybe just a touch ashamed as well. After all, it had been he who had moved out of the room. Should he knock first or not? He debated it and finally decided to knock. Inhaling deeply and releasing it he raised his hand and finally knocked.

_“Open,”_ Robert shouted.

Crowley opened the door and found Robert sitting on the bed reading.

“Why ain’t I surprised it’s you?”

“Aren’t, love,” Crowley replied smiling.

“Same thing. You do know you don’t have to knock don’t you?” Robert chided.

“I wasn’t actually sure at this point. I mean, I did threaten to leave and then change rooms afterward. I didn’t know if…”

“Baby?”

“Yes?”

“Get in here.”

“Got it,” Crowley grinned.

Making his way into the room he closed the door behind himself and made his way over to the bed. Robert moved over to give Crowley some room and went back to reading. Slipping into the bed he fixed the covers and turned onto his side. Careful to avoid the book Crowley put his head on Robert’s chest and threw a leg over him. Gods how he’d missed this. Sighing contentedly he put an arm over Robert and sighed happily.

Robert dropped a hand down to play with Crowley’s hair and continued reading. Every so often he would move the hand to turn a page but it always returned to play in Crowley’s hair afterwards. Perfect, Crowley thought. Had he really almost given all this up for some petty argument? If he had walked away from this he’d have regretted it for the rest of his life. Since he couldn’t die from natural causes that would have been a long fucking time. Thank the gods for Sam and his much cooler temper. 

As Robert reached over to turn off the lamp Crowley lifted his head. Robert flipped the light off and scooted farther down in the bed. Turning onto his side Robert stretched an arm out across Crowley’s side of the bed. Crowley waited for his hunter to get comfortable before turning onto his side and laying down. He lowered his head down onto Robert’s arm and snuggled back against his hunter. Robert leaned forward a little and softly kissed the back of Crowley’s neck.

“Night baby,” Robert whispered.

“Night love,” Crowley whispered back.

-

_Light assaulted his eyes as the door to the bedroom opened and Fergus scrunched his eyes closed as he started to shiver unconsciously. He knew what was coming. Maybe if he pretended he was sleeping soundly, well enough, he would be left alone this time. He knew better but he still hoped. That’s all he had left at this point was hope and even that was quickly abandoning him. The outside edge of the bed dipped heavily and he stifled a whine. A hand settled on his arm and Fergus couldn’t stifle the next urge to whine._

_“Shh, quiet you.”_

_Fergus pressed his lips together and trembled harder. He gave serious thought to leaving when he got the chance but knew he wouldn’t. If he could deal with this for now he could survive long enough to ensure it would never happen again. As the thin blanket was drawn back slowly Fergus struggled to keep his breathing even. ‘Must not make a noise,’ he reminded himself. If he made too much noise he would be punished. He had to stay quiet this time. He always tried his best but most of the time he couldn’t help it. God, it always hurt so much._

_When the covers were pooled around his ankles hand gripped the hem of his shirt. Slowly the shirt was pulled upward. Not wanting to be punished if he could avoid it Fergus lifted himself up on his elbows. When the shirt was raised over his chest he lay back down and raised his arms slightly. The shirt was gently pulled over his head and slowly down his arms. Unable to help himself Fergus gave another soft whine._

_“Shh. You don’t want to be punished, do you?”_

_Fergus vigorously shook his head._

.

A sharp blow to his chin woke Bobby from sleep. As always, for the first few seconds his brain didn’t fully understand what was happening. After the first few seconds his brain kicked into gear and reminded him Crowley was here. _‘Nightmare. Again,’_ his brain told him. With a groan he moved his head so Crowley's head wouldn’t accidentally clock him again. Firmly he wrapped his arm around his demon, trapping his arms.

“Crowley.”

Trembling and another whimper.

“Crowley,” Bobby said slightly louder. “Your dreaming. Wake up baby.”

“Please stop,” Crowley whined. “Please.”

Bobby began rocking them slightly. Quietly he hummed. Sometimes humming would help calm Crowley enough to lull him out of one of these dreams. This time though, it didn’t seem to be working as well. 

“Crowley. You’re dreaming, wake up.” More whimpering. “Crowley,” Bobby stated gruffly.

Crowley’s body jerked and Bobby tightened his arms. 

“Stop, please! Hurts!”

“Hush Crowley, you’re safe now." 

“Hurts!” Crowley insisted loudly.

“Dream Crowley, just a dream. You’re safe now. It’s me Robert. You’re at my house.”

The door to his room swung open and Dean stood in the doorway gun in hand. “Bobby?”

“Not now Dean, out!”

“But-” Dean started before Crowley cut him short.

“Please stop!” Crowley shouted.

“Out Dean!” Bobby yelled.

“Robert!” Crowley yelled as his eyes shot open.

Bobby continued eying Dean meaningfully while he held Crowley tightly. “Everything’s alright Crowley.”

Silently Dean slipped backward pulling the door closed quietly. Bobby prayed that in his panic Crowley wouldn’t hear the slight click of it shutting. Finally he released Crowley. Crowley flipped over instantly and gripped onto Bobby’s shirt. Robert wrapped his arms around Crowley and began rubbing his back.

“Robert!”

“Sh baby, it was just a dream.”

Crowley shook his head and didn’t reply.

“I know baby, I know.”

He didn’t bother asking if Crowley wanted to discuss the dream. Crowley didn’t discuss anything personal on the best of days. Occasionally he would share things but those times were few and far between. Bobby had enough respect for Crowley to not press him for anything more than he was willing to give freely. Crowley gripped onto his shirt more tightly and snuggled closer still breathing heavily.

“Sh you’re alright,” Bobby soothed. “You’re safe here. I’m not ever going to leave you and you’ll always be safe here.”

“Robert,” Crowley whispered.

“Yeah baby?”

“Don’t leave me?”

“Never baby.”

“I’m sorry I fought with you. I’m sorry I got angry. I’m sorry-”

“Hush you,” Bobby ordered. 

With Crowley’s head pressed against his chest and just under his chin Bobby felt rather than saw Crowley’s nod. No, he wouldn’t leave his demon. Crowley needed someone, had needed someone long before now, who would never leave him or let him down. Tightening his left arm around his demon he continued rubbing Crowley’s back with his right hand.

“Robert?”

“Yeah baby?”

“I…”

“What do you need baby?”

“Nothing. It’s just… I…” 

Crowley growled and Bobby finally realized what Crowley was attempting to convey.

“I love you too, baby. I love you too.”


	10. Chapter 10

As he made his way down the hall and back towards his room Dean couldn’t get the look on Crowley’s face out of his mind. Throughout the years they had faced a lot of things together including Lucifer himself but never had he seen Crowley look that scared before. No, scratch that, he thought. The look on Crowley’s face had been something more than basic fear. He had been terrified of something in the dream.

The protective look on Bobby’s face Dean recognized. It was the same look he had seen on Bobby’s face whenever Dean would wake from a nightmare when he had stayed here as a child. As he approached his room he passed it by, opened the door to the bedroom next to his and checked on Sam. Sam seemed to be sleeping fairly peacefully so Dean shut the door, careful to be as quiet as possible. Making his way back to his room he let himself into the room and closed the door behind himself.

He was too wired now to go back to sleep. Instead of going back to bed he sat in the chair at the desk to think about everything. The thing that disturbed him the most was the look on Crowley’s face. Nothing they had faced, not even Lucifer, had caused as much fear as he had seen in Crowley’s face during that nightmare. If he asked Crowley about it chances were the demon would make some snarky remark and not actually answer anything. 

If the devil himself couldn’t draw that look out of Crowley then Dean wasn’t sure if he _wanted_ to know what Crowley had been dreaming. In spite of how he felt about the demon Dean found himself worried about Crowley. Maybe he could find something do to help without ever having to mention the dream. _Or that look,_ he thought.

-

“Crowley,” Bobby said softly.

“Hm?” Crowley hummed still nuzzling against Bobby’s chest.

“Everything’s alright now. It was just a dream.”

“I don’t dream,” Crowley muttered grumpily.

Bobby rolled his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere baby. I’ve got you.”

“Not leaving?”

“Nope,” Bobby assured his demon.

Not for the first time Bobby was surprised by the wave of protectiveness he for the demon in his arms. He wasn’t stupid. He knew they hadn’t scraped the surface of what Crowley had been through as a human and becoming a demon had to have been infinitely worse. It wasn’t that surprising that Crowley had a hard time believing he was loved or even saying the word. After all, everyone else that was supposed to love him had used him or hurt him and then left.

As he held Crowley his mind drifted to Dean. If Dean confronted Crowley about the nightmare they were going to have problems. It had taken years and more alcohol than Bobby wanted to contemplate before Crowley had opened up about anything personal. Even then he wasn’t sure how much if any of that conversation Crowley remembered. Since then Crowley would talk about his past occasionally. It was usually in the most vague and generalized terms but it was a start at least. He was going to have to talk with Dean before Dean could get a chance to ask Crowley about the dream. 

-

Eventually Crowley managed to drift off back to sleep. Bobby, still angry about everything that had happened in Crowley’s past, couldn’t go back to sleep. After comforting Crowley until he went back to sleep Bobby continued to hold him for a few more hours. Finally he carefully extracted himself from Crowley’s arms and got out of bed. Crowley whined softly and rolled onto his other side before finally settling. Making his way to the door Bobby slipped out of the room and quietly closed the door.

Entering the kitchen Bobby paused briefly when he saw Dean sitting at the table. It wasn’t uncommon for the boys to be up early, even when there wasn’t a case, but even so this was earlier than usual. Dean looked up and nodded once at Bobby. Bobby spied the cup in Dean’s hands and glanced to the coffee pot on the counter. Without a word he walked to the counter, snagged the pot and poured it into the sink. Sam might be able to tolerate the swill Dean called coffee but Bobby wouldn’t drink it if his life depended on it. As far as he was concerned it shouldn’t even be called coffee. 

Dean was good at a good many things but brewing a decent cup of coffee wasn’t one of them. As he was pouring it into the sink he expected Dean to complain about wasting perfectly good coffee but Dean remained silent. Bobby glanced back over his shoulder as he filled the pot with water. Dean was absently turning his coffee cup while staring straight ahead. Shaking his head Bobby went to fill the coffee machine.

“How often does he have nightmares?” Dean asked.

Startled by the question the water Bobby was pouring into the coffee pot sloshed over the side of the machine. Cursing Bobby grabbed a kitchen towel to clean wipe up the water that had splashed onto the counter. Tossing the rag in the sink he finally turned to Dean when he was finished. “Why?” Bobby demanded.

Dean shrugged. “Just curious.”

“None of your damned business,” Bobby snapped. Dean merely nodded and went back to staring straight ahead. With a growl Bobby sat down at table across from Dean. “Why are you suddenly interested in Crowley’s dreams?” he asked gruffly.

Again, Dean shrugged. “Just curious. Is there a pattern? I mean is there something that causes them to happen more often? Less often? Do you know what they’re about? Do they-”

“I am not discussing Crowley’s dreams with you,” Bobby interrupted. 

Dean nodded silently and didn’t reply. There was something about the look on Dean’s face he couldn’t quite pinpoint but at the same time seemed familiar for some reason. While he thought about the reasons why Dean might want to know about Crowley’s dreams the only noise in the kitchen was the sound of the coffee maker brewing. Several minutes later, just as the coffee maker was finishing Sam made his way into the kitchen.

“I think I’m going to get some doughnuts,” Dean announced. Standing, Dean pushed the chair back in and left. Bobby and Sam both stared for several moments at Dean’s departure before turning to stare at each other.

-

Reaching up Crowley rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he yawned. Turning his head he noticed Robert had already gotten up for the day. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Robert to wake early but it was uncommon for Robert not to wake him before getting out of bed. Usually they spent time snuggling in the mornings before heading downstairs. After last night Crowley really would like to have snuggled with Robert before they had to get up for the day. 

It was unsettling to feel like he _needed_ another person. After all of his time as a demon he was unaccustomed to feeling this way. He couldn’t use his powers, he couldn’t leave the house and if last night had taught him anything he couldn’t control his dreams. It made him feel weak, needy, and he despised it. He couldn’t tolerate the thought of being around others right now. If he was this weak how could he hope to defend himself should the need arise? He decided it would be better to stay in the room for now. Even the prospect of morning tea with Robert wasn’t enough to convince him to make his way downstairs.

He would be lucky if the others hadn’t heard anything last night. Robert had told him occasionally he would call out loudly when he was having a nightmare. With no clue if that had happened last night he definitely didn’t want to face the others. He could just imagine Dean’s knowing smirk if Crowley had been loud enough to be heard last night. Crossing his arms he shook his head. Nope, definitely not going downstairs anytime soon.

-

Crowley, Dean mused. As he thought about the demon he pondered the nightmare. He couldn’t think of anything from last night that was all that useful. The only two things he really had to go on was Bobby’s reaction which seemed to signify that he was used to dealing with such things and the one phrase he had heard Crowley say during the dream. _“Please stop,”_ was all he could remember Crowley saying. If there had been more it had been before Dean had arrived and he’d missed it. Most likely there had probably been a lot more before he had gotten loud enough to wake up Dean. The phrase itself could mean almost anything, especially with Crowley being a demon. He needed more information.

Setting aside the nightmare for the present Dean focused on analyzing Crowley in general. If Bobby was determined to be with Crowley there wasn’t much Dean could do to change his mind. Bobby could be pretty stubborn when he wanted. If he was determined to be with Crowley then Dean had to work on how to accept the relationship; especially if it meant a lot to Sam that he accept Bobby and Crowley. His mind drifted once more to Sam being bi. Nope, he thought. Right now we're focusing on Crowley. If he was being honest there was something vastly different about Crowley now. He was more quiet and withdrawn than Dean had ever seen him be before. The question was why? As with the dream, there wasn’t much to go on. 

The biggest difference was his attitude. Usually Crowley wasn’t shy about speaking his mind or making a snarky remark. Lately Crowley had been pretty quiet, generally not speaking unless he was spoken to first. Even then his answers were short and to the point. There was none of his usual cynicism or snark in his replies anymore. Dean pondered that. Even if it was something they disapproved of Crowley was usually always doing something. Lately all he had been doing was hiding in Bobby’s bedroom. It had to be difficult for someone who was used to having multiple irons in the fire to be restricted so drastically. 

That thought gave him pause. Crowley literally had almost nothing that he could do anymore. He couldn’t do the things he normally would have done, he couldn’t leave the house, he couldn’t even use his powers without rendering himself unconscious. Dean winced at that thought. Dean liked a little downtime every bit as much as the next person but having it forced upon you with no end in sight would put even him on edge. Of course it would weigh on Crowley as well. The demon was never happy unless he was doing something, even if it was only tweaking the others around him. He had to be going stir crazy trapped in the house, unable to do the smallest thing including use his powers. The question was, how did you fix something like that? By giving him something he _can do,_ Dean realized suddenly. He needed to find something Crowley could actually do so he didn’t have time to wallow in self-pity any longer.

-

Pulling up to the house Dean parked and grabbed the box of doughnuts. Opening the car door he got out and slammed the door shut. If a distraction was what Crowley needed then Dean would provide one. Balancing the doughnuts in his right hand he used his left hand to open the door and let himself into the house. He only found Bobby and Sam sitting at the table when he entered the kitchen. Crowley was nowhere to be seen.

“Crowley?” Dean asked.

“Still up in the bedroom,” Bobby answered.

Dean nodded once and made his way to the bottom of the stairs. 

“Crowley! Doughnuts and research in the library! Get your butt down here!” he yelled up the stairs. Making his way into the library he placed the box of doughnuts on a of Bobby’s desk and began searching through the books.

-

Through the door to the room Crowley heard Dean yelling at him. _“Crowley! Doughnuts and research in the library! Get your butt down here!”_ Crowley scowled at the door. Just where did Dean get off trying to order him around? Crowley had half a mind to continue lounging in the bed wallowing in his misery. The only reason he decided to get out of bed and see what Dean wanted was because if he didn’t Dean was liable to make his way to the bedroom and demand his attention.

Shoving the blanket off he got out of bed and left the bedroom. He closed the door behind himself before making his way downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs he turned and headed into the library. The second he walked into the room Dean tossed a book at him. Crowley reacted instantly and caught the book by instinct. Frowning he inspected the title. _Sentinel Grimoire: Protection Spells For All Occasions_. He jumped slightly when Dean dropped several more books onto the table next to him.

“Research time,” Dean stated. “As long as you’re stuck here you may as well pull your weight. For now you’re on spells or wards that can be keyed to specific people or beings. I want something that will keep most demons in or out and allow us to let you move freely.”

“So you expect me to help you while I get nothing in return? Typical,” Crowley huffed.

Rolling his eyes Crowley grabbed the stack of books and moved to the couch. As much as he wanted to complain it would be nice having something to do finally. This infernal waiting was wearing thin. Hopefully Castiel would return soon with some good news. He didn’t even want to consider the prospect this couldn’t be fixed and that he might just be stuck like this, powerless, forever. Inspecting the titles on the books he sorted them into an order he thought placed the books more likely to be useful on the top of the stack. 

.

Dean stood watching as Crowley sorted the books. Despite his initial protests Crowley looked like he was actually enjoying himself. Yes this had been a good plan. Now maybe things could get back to normal. Sam and Bobby walked over and stood near Dean.

“Why are you really doing this?” Bobby asked quietly.

Dean shrugged. “You’re determined to be with him. If he’s going to continue to be around I may as well get used to him.”

“What’s with the impromptu research?” Sam questioned.

“Busy work, mostly,” Dean told him. “But you can’t say it wouldn’t be useful to know how to create something like that.”

-

For a while things seem to be going well. The group threw themselves into the research and Crowley actually seemed to lighten up somewhat. After only the first day Crowley absconded with one of Bobby’s notebooks to jot down ideas. It wasn’t uncommon for people to find books they had been using the previous day missing. After the first few days everyone stopped questioning where their books were and automatically turned to Crowley. The demon would wave off any of their protests and continue on with his reading or note taking.

The ploy actually works for couple of weeks. Oh, not that any of them found anything particularly useful but Dean hadn’t had much hope from the beginning. Crowley had said that more than likely it would take a combination of various wards and spells to accomplish what Dean wanted done. While it was technically busy work it would still be useful if they could accomplish such a feat. Still, after only a few weeks Crowley proclaimed the endeavor useless without more research material and had withdrawn again. Dean was going to have to come up with a new plan to draw Crowley out of his shell once more.

Maybe if they were careful they might be able to chance an outing somewhere. It might help to get Crowley out of the house for a few hours. If they all went out together they should be able to keep Crowley safe if the need arose. Then again, there was no way they could be sure Crowley wouldn’t just take off on them. After how long the demon had been tapped in Bobby’s house Dean couldn’t blame him. He would have to broach the suggestion with Bobby. Perhaps they could go to a movie, Dean mused. A quiet, dark, enclosed area that would be easy to keep watch over. Yeah, good idea.


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel returned the day after Dean discussed a possible outing with the others. While Sam had actually wanted to consider the idea Bobby had been against it from the beginning. Dean could understand Bobby’s objections but he wished the other hunter would reconsider. Crowley’s attitude was starting to drive Dean insane. Something was going to have to give soon. Maybe with Castiel’s presence they might be able change his mind.

Not wanting to share too much with angels who might use the information against Crowley Castiel had been fairly vague in his inquiries. So far he hadn’t turned up anything useful on how to help Crowley fix his powers. At the moment he was upstairs with Bobby, Sam and Crowley discussing the possibility of asking Raphael to visit and have a look at Crowley. Dean was pretty sure he already knew how that conversation would end. He wasn’t disappointed when, several moments later, a door upstairs slammed and someone stomped down the stairs. Again, he wasn’t too surprised when Crowley stormed into the library. 

“Do you know what that angel wants to do now?” Crowley shouted.

He knew exactly what Cass was proposing they do next. Dean stood up ignoring the question. “Come on,” he told Crowley. If he was going to do this they had to be quick.

“Are you even listening?” Crowley complained as he followed Dean.

“Yep.” Dean stopped at the front door. “Promise me something.”

Crowley eyed him warily and Dean waited impatiently tapping his foot.

“What?” Crowley finally asked sounding suspicious.

“Promise when I say it’s time to come back you won’t fight. Give me your word we come back when I say and that you won’t bolt on me.”

“How _in hell_ am I supposed to do that when I can’t even leave here?” Crowley shot back.

“Because I’m going to break a ward and we’re going to take off for a few hours,” Dean stated evenly.

Crowley blinked several times in confusion. “What?”

“Come on Crowley we don’t have time to debate it. Pretty soon they’re going to make their way down here. If we’re not gone by then they’re going to try to stop us. Promise you won’t take off and disappear if I do this.”

“Promise,” Crowley agreed instantly. 

“Your word on it?”

“Yes.”

“On Bobby’s soul?” Dean asked.

“No. I will _never_ swear on Robert’s soul for _any_ reason,” Crowley informed him.

“On your life?”

“Yes and anything else you want as well, just get me out of here.”

“I swear Crowley, if you’re lying to me-”

“I’ll swear on anything you want, aside from my Robert. If you get me out of here for a few hours I’ll even hold your _bloody_ hand if that’s what you want.” 

“Good enough for me,” Dean stated. He started to break the ward before stopping to look back to Crowley. “But we are definitely _not_ holding hands.”

-

“Raphael is still our best option if we want to figure out how to help Crowley,” Castiel insisted.

“All I’m saying is I’m not letting him near Crowley without some way to ensure he won’t be able to kill him,” Bobby argued.

“Look, you two can hammer this out,” Sam interrupted. “You already know how I feel about it, I’m going to go find Crowley.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Bobby told him. “Be prepared though. He wasn’t real happy so he’s apt to still be in a pretty bad mood.”

“Yeah, I could have guessed that,” Sam answered, heading for the bedroom door.

“You may want to make sure he and Dean give each other some space too. They don’t do particularly well around each other on the best of days,” Bobby instructed.

“Got it,” Sam said as he was exiting the room. “Crowley,” he called out when he was half way down the stairs. When there was no answer he frowned. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he checked the library first and didn’t find anyone. An uneasy feeling began to settle in him as he turned to check the kitchen.

-

Damn, it nice to finally get out of the house. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy spending time with Robert but he hated feeling trapped. He had no clue what prompted Dean to help him escape the house for a few hours and right now he didn’t care all that much. Leaning his head back Crowley closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of the sun warming his face as Dean drove them… Wait, where _were_ they headed? Opening his eyes he turned to Dean.

“Pardon me for asking but just where are we going?”

“I don’t know. I thought maybe we could catch a movie or something. Of course, that was when I thought it’d be all of us going on this outing instead of just us two.” Dean shrugged.

“No,” Crowley objected. “Nothing indoors. I’ve had enough being trapped inside to last more than long enough.” 

Dean nodded. “Something outdoors, then. Got it.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Stupidity probably,” Dean muttered.

“What?” Crowley asked, confused by the answer.

“Nothing. Look, don’t mistake this, I still don’t like you. You and I will probably never be best friends. It’s just that us disagreeing all the time will only upset Sam. Besides, as much as I don’t like the idea of you two together Bobby’s not going to change his mind any time soon. I don’t have many other options but to accept it.”

Crowley thought about that for a while before he responded. “You still didn’t answer the question.”

“I think I summed it up pretty well,” Dean huffed.

“But not completely,” Crowley argued. “Maybe those reason might explain the meal you cooked and invited me too but not the rest of it. They don’t explain the research or this little outing. In fact, you’re going against their wishes to give me a break from being cooped up inside the house. The question is why?”

“I already gave you two reasons. You may as well accept them ‘cause that’s all you’re getting for now.”

As much as he wanted to push for more Crowley knew when to bide his time. He would accept the answers Dean had given him for now. Later he would work on finding out what else was behind the sudden shift in attitude. Briefly he entertained the notion that Dean might be taking him away to kill him but disregarded that idea quickly. If Dean wanted to kill him he would have already and wouldn’t have bothered with the small talk.

-

“Can’t you just track his phone,” Bobby growled.

Sam held up a cell. “I already tried to track it, he left it here. Probably exactly so I couldn’t track them.”

“What about Crowley’s phone,” Cass suggested. 

“The search engine isn’t set up to track three digit phone numbers. Besides, as far as the phone company goes no one even has a six-six-six area code or prefix.”

“Your brother better not do anything to hurt him.” Bobby stated harshly.

“That’s doubtful,” Sam insisted. “If Dean was going to do anything to him he wouldn’t take him anywhere else. He would have done it here. Besides, there’s no sign of a struggle. We have to assume that Crowley went with him voluntarily.”

“Damn demon better not have,” Bobby huffed. “Without his powers he can’t defend himself if anything happens.”

“He can still use magic to defend himself. He is witchborn, remember,” Sam reminded Bobby.

“Plus Dean is with him and can help protect him if anything happens,” Cass interjected. 

Sam pressed his lips together and didn’t look over to the angel. He didn’t know what was behind Dean’s recent change in attitude when it came to Crowley but he still didn’t believe his brother was all that fond of the demon. He didn’t think Dean would hurt Crowley but he didn’t want it put to the test either. Expecting Dean to protect Crowley from anything at this point might still be a little too optimistic. The sooner they found Crowley and Dean the better.

-

Leaning back in the grass Crowley propped his arms behind his head and let his eyes slide closed. Sun warmed his skin as he relaxed in the field. As much as he loved to be productive and doing things a little relaxation was always nice. That was, provided it wasn’t forced on you against your will with no end in sight. At least he finally had gotten out of the house, even if it was only for a few hours. He relaxed and let his thoughts drift.

“So why here?” Dean asked curious.

“First outdoor date with Robert,” Crowley answered without opening his eyes. “Picnic under that tree just over to our left.”

“You took Bobby on a picnic?”

“Even cooked the food myself,” Crowley acknowledged.

“You cook?”

“Mm, fairly well too,” Crowley informed Dean. “Or so I’ve been told.”

“What did you cook?”

Crowley opened his eyes and shifted his gaze to Dean. “You really want to know?” he asked surprised.

“I never thought of you being the domestic type is all,” Dean muttered, crossing his arms and glowering.

A small smile formed on Crowley’s face. “A lot about me might surprise you.”

“Why do you want to be with Bobby,” Dean asked suddenly.

The small smile disappeared. He wasn’t ready to discuss his relationship with anyone let alone Dean. He had just realized he was actually in love with the hunter and still attempting to come to terms with the idea. Not to mention that until recently Robert had always wanted them to keep their relationship hidden from the brothers. He still found it difficult to express affection towards Robert in front of those two. It might be that ‘old habits were hard to break’ but he was beginning to suspect that it was more about wanting to keep his newfound level of intimacy private. He couldn’t remember the last time he had loved anyone or felt loved.

“Crowley?” Dean asked, breaking into his thoughts.

“It’s nothing, I was just daydreaming. If you don’t want to share all of your reasons for the change in attitude toward me why should I explain my reasons for being with Robert?”

“I did give you a few reasons though,” Dean asserted.

“True,” Crowley agreed. “The main reason I started ‘dating’ Robert was for the sex,” he stated bluntly. Dean gave an involuntary jerk at the word and Crowley bit back a smile. “It’s more than sex now though. Don’t ask for more specifics though because ‘that’s all you’re getting for now’,” he said, intentionally repeating Dean’s excuse. Dean gave a nod and turned to stare ahead. Crowley took this to mean this conversation was over and closed his eyes once more.

If he was being completely honest he didn’t fully understand his feelings himself. The lust and the desire to spend time with someone who could hold a decent conversation, yes. But the reasons for the newfound depth of emotions eluded him. He didn’t even want to ponder how he was able to feel love when he never had before, especially now as a demon. He couldn’t remember if he had ever felt love as a human but more than likely not with his past. Repressing a shudder he pushed thoughts of his past away and focused on Robert instead.

.

Glancing surreptitiously out of the corner of his eye Dean noted that Crowley’s eyes had finally slid shut again. Shifting his head slightly he watched the demon. The part of the explanation where Crowley had said it was all about the sex Dean believed. He had difficulty believing a monogamous relationship could be about anything else with Crowley. However, the expression on Crowley’s face told a different story. The demon obviously felt something more now but could it actually be love?

He was slowly gathering more pieces to the puzzle but still didn’t know what to make of any of them. Still covertly watching the demon from the corner of his eyes Dean pondered the information he had so far. If it was anyone else besides Crowley he might actually believe the relationship was based in love. As far as Dean knew, demons couldn’t love. Maybe he should ask Crowley about it? Frowning he turned to look at Crowley more directly. Was the demon actually asleep?

-

Blinking a few times Crowley opened his eyes. Dean was leaning over him silently watching him. Crowley yawned and stretched. Dean moved to give him space as Crowley finally sat. Thank the gods he hadn’t had a nightmare with Dean watching over him. Turning his head he looked over to Dean. “How long have I been asleep?”

“A few hours. I didn’t know if I should wake you or not. I didn’t want you to sleep through your time out of the house but if you needed sleep…” Dean trailed off and shrugged.

“It’s fine,” Crowley said distractedly. “I think it was more that I feel comfortable here than any actually need for sleep.” Crowley frowned. “I suppose we have to go back now?”

“Yep. I’m probably going to catch all kinds of hell for this so you better appreciate this little outing,” Dean told him.

“Very much appreciated,” Crowley informed him. He couldn’t express how appreciative he was at finally getting out of the house for a few hours. Even if he had slept through the hours he still felt better than he had in days. Now if only they could find a way restore his powers.

-

Parking they got out of the car and made their way to the house. The front door opened before they reached it and Robert stalked out of the house. Grabbing Crowley’s arm Robert pulled him inside. Crowley allowed Robert pull him inside without resisting. Dean would definitely catch hell for his actions but Crowley wasn’t going to escape unscathed either. He had known Robert would be pissed but it was worth it. He’d _had_ to get out for a while. Still not resisting he let Robert drag him into the library where Sam and Castiel were waiting.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Robert shouted. “You could have been killed!”

“I _needed_ to get out for a bit. I couldn’t stand being trapped any longer.”

“You can’t use your powers. What if something had happened?” Robert asked loudly.

“I broke the ward,” Dean broke in. “It’s me you should be angry with.”

“I’ll get to you later,” Robert snapped without turning around.

“It’s alright Dean,” Crowley stated. “You may have broken the ward but I made the choice to leave the house.”

“Do you know how worried I’ve been? I turn my back for five minutes and you leave. Not only that,” Robert turned to glare at Dean, “you leave your phone so we can’t track you two and make sure you’re alright!”

Dean shrugged.

“Robert,” Crowley said softly. Robert turned back to him.

“What if something happened?” Robert growled. “How do you think that would have made me feel?”

“I _am_ sorry I worried you but I _needed_ to get out for a while.”

“If anything had happened…” 

“I promise never to leave without a word again, love. Please… Just don’t give up on me?” Crowley whispered dropping his eyes. If Robert left him because of this… 

“Damn it,” Robert growled. “Come here, you.”

Crowley stepped forward and Robert’s arms encircled him.

“Idjit,” Robert muttered.

Unable to help himself Crowley snuggled against Robert worried he was going to break off their relationship. He couldn’t stop the small shivers that shook him. Robert’s arms tightened around him and a hand rubbed his back. Wrapping his arms around his Robert Crowley clutched onto his shirt tightly.

“I ain’t going to give up on you, okay? Not for something as stupid as this.”

Still not quite able to talk Crowley nodded.

-

Crowley sat on Robert’s bed with his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around them while rocking slightly. The others had drawn sigils on the walls to keep an angel from being able to enter. When Castiel finally declared the room angel-proof they left to summon Raphael. As much as Crowley really didn’t want to be anywhere near an angel while unable to defend himself, Castiel being the one exception, he did want his powers fixed. He also couldn’t bring himself to argue with Robert right now. 

Despite Robert’s multiple reassurances Crowley remained shaken. He couldn’t help feeling he had almost lost his Robert. Not leaving, Crowley thought. His Robert wasn’t leaving him, he reassured himself again. Closing his eyes he continued rocking. Soon, Raphael would show and, if he could convince Robert he wouldn’t try to hurt Crowley, Crowley would go downstairs to meet up with him. He shivered slightly at that thought. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Crowley raised his head slightly.

“Yes?” he called.

The door opened and Sam walked in closing the door behind himself.

“Hey,” Sam greeted.

“Hey,” Crowley whispered.

“I thought you might want some company while you waited.”

Crowley gave a slight nod and dropped his head back onto his knees. He did appreciate the company but didn’t feel up to making small talk. Sam pulled a chair over near the bed and sat down. Thankfully he didn’t attempt to make conversation. With Sam sitting quietly and Crowley still rocking slowly it was almost ten minutes before there was another knock on the door. When Crowley made no move to respond Sam stood and answered the door.

“Crowley,” Robert said softly.

Crowley stopped rocking and lifted his head. “It’s time?”

“It’s time,” Robert agreed. 

Nodding Crowley uncurled his limbs and stood. Slowly he made his way to the door and stopped in front of Robert. Raising his eyes he inspected Robert’s face.

“If you’re not comfortable you don’t have to do this,” Robert told him.

Crowley gave a small smile and reached out a hand. Robert took it and together they made their way down the hall to the stairs. Sam followed quietly behind. When they made it to the stairs Crowley could feel the Archangel’s Grace as well as Castiel’s. Crowley paused at the top of the stairs to steady himself. Taking a deep breath he released it and continued down the stairs still holding tightly to Robert’s hand.

Entering the library he steadfastly refused to glance over to the Archangel. When they neared the desk Crowley finally released Robert’s hand and snagged one of the chairs. Pulling the chair slightly sideways he settled it near the edge of the desk closer to Robert’s chair and farther from the couch. Sitting down he stared at his hands and waited. Sam sat down in the other chair. This put him between Crowley and the two angels present. Crowley was grateful at least for the perception of distance even if it didn’t actually mean anything useful. For a while no one spoke. Finally Castiel spoke breaking the silence.

“Perhaps we should get started,” the angel said quietly.

Crowley flinched slightly.

“Would someone kindly explain exactly why I would _want_ to help a demon?” Raphael stated. 

“You agreed you’d help him,” Robert growled. 

“I agreed to inspect him,” Raphael countered. “I did not agree to actually help him.”

“That’s not fair!” Sam shouted.

“Fair?” Raphael shot back, raising an eyebrow. 

Crowley tensed, preparing to take action if the situation required it.

“What’s fair about helping a demon whose sole goal in life is to twist humans into trading their souls away thus damning them to eternal torment?”

“For your information he helped rescue Sam’s soul when none of you would lift a finger to help him at all,” Robert stated loudly as he stood.

“I think we should all-” Castiel began.

Raphael stood and began speaking over the other angel loudly.

“Did it ever occur to you that such actions might have freed Lucifer once again?” 

“Really? Cause Crowley managed to get in and out twice without freeing him. Just because you’re too inept to keep from freeing Lucifer doesn’t mean it can’t be done,” Robert shouted at the angel. 

The angel raised a hand and Crowley panicked. 

He couldn’t take the chance that the angel would hurt his Robert. Without thinking Crowley struck out with his powers trying to incapacitate the angel or at least draw his attention away from Robert. The pain was instant. Within seconds Crowley was on the floor wracked with pain. Lucifer’s voice echoed through his mind. The pain coursing through his body was so intense he couldn’t even make sense of the words. As the pain threatened to consume him darkness began to descend. Crowley clawed desperately at consciousness. He couldn’t pass out until he knew if Robert was safe. In spite of his best efforts the darkness finished filling his vision and he passed out.


	12. Chapter 12

“Crowley!” Bobby yelled dropping down to check on him.

Standing Sam moved around the desk to kneel on Crowley’s other side. Crowley’s eyes slid closed and he stilled just as Sam knelt. He reached out, gripped Bobby’s shoulder and gave it a firm shake. Bobby glanced up and met his eyes.

“What happened?” he asked instantly.

“Crowley’s powers got jacked up. He can’t use them without passing out,” Bobby replied instantly. He turned to face Raphael “You. Help him,” Bobby growled.

Sam turned back to watch the angel’s reaction. Raphael finally pried his eyes away from Crowley and inspected the others present. Sam was pleased to find Dean standing, tense and glaring at the Archangel. Cass was still seated but also eying the Archangel carefully. Finally Raphael settled his gaze back on Bobby, hesitated slightly, then nodded once. 

-

“I don’t understand why we can’t be in the room,” Dean grumbled as he continued to pace the hallway outside Bobby’s room.

Sam was leaning against the wall absently watching his brother and attempting not to worry about Crowley’s fate. Since then Dean paced while Sam waited, leaning against the wall near Bobby’s bedroom. Raphael had asked for Cass to be there as he had the most experience with this out of any of them. Bobby had refused to leave the room as long as Raphael were inside with Crowley. That had been nearly three hours ago. Never having witnessed this before he had question Dean repeatedly trying to understand what was happening until he ended up annoying his brother. Dean had finally snapped and reminded Sam he’d never been witness to this happening either. 

“There’s no reason Bobby can be in there and we can’t,” Dean continued.

While Sam agreed with Dean he did realize that more people in the room might cause unnecessary tension. Better to remove as many extraneous people as possible to lessen the chance of distractions while the angels did whatever they could to help Crowley. 

“If he does anything to hurt Crowley…” 

Dean trailed off and Sam cocked his head, still watching his brother. Was Dean actually worried about Crowley? The door finally opened. Dean stopped pacing and Sam shoved himself off of the wall. Cass stood in the doorway inspecting them.

“Well?” Dean asked anxiously.

“You’re welcome to come in now, if you want,” Cass told them. 

Both brothers rushed into the room. Crowley lay, completely still and unconscious, on the bed while Bobby sat in a chair near the bed. Raphael stood, leaning against a wall on the other side of the room inspecting his fingernails. The Archangel didn’t look up as they entered.

“So what’s the prognosis?” Sam asked. 

“That jackass over there wants to torture Crowley,” Bobby snarled, jerking his chin back to indicate Raphael.

Raphael dropped his hand and raised an eyebrow. “Humans are born with a small spark of divine Grace. When they become demons that spark is tortured out of them. It makes sense that if he has Grace in him once again it would need to be eliminated.”

“I’ll show you eliminated if you try to touch him,” Bobby seethed.

Still leaning against the wall Raphael raised his hands in a ‘no offense intended’ manner but didn’t look remorseful in the slightest. Sam frowned. If humans _were_ born with some form of Grace and it _did_ have to be tortured out of them for them to become demons then the logic actually made sense. The question was, could they trust Raphael or was the Archangel merely trying to get a chance to hurt Crowley?

“Cass?” Dean asked.

“It is true that humans are born with a small spark of divine Grace,” Cass stated. “Demons don’t have that spark so they lose it somewhere along the way. We know that Lucifer’s Grace is what’s causing the issues with Crowley. It would be logical for the solution to include actions that would remove the Grace,” he finished with a shrug.

“We are not torturing Crowley,” Bobby argued.

“Fine with me,” Raphael replied blandly, once again inspecting his nails. “You’re the one that wanted him ‘cured’. I’m good with one less demon in the world.”

Bobby stood and started towards the angel. From the bed Crowley groaned and Bobby stopped in his tracks. Everyone turned to watch the demon. Bobby made his way back and dropped into the chair again. Taking Crowley’s hand with his right he placed the left one to Crowley’s cheek.

“Crowley? Baby?”

Crowley groaned again and shifted slightly. Bobby ran a thumb slowly over Crowley cheek. No one spoke as Crowley shifted once more and his eyelids began to flutter. Crowley blinked several times before opening his eyes and glancing around. When his eyes found Bobby he instantly started to sit.

“No,” Bobby insisted. “Don’t move yet, okay?”

“Robert.” Crowley’s voice came out gravelly and a touch shaky. Still, he continued trying to sit up against Bobby’s wishes. 

“I’m here,” Bobby assured him. “Don’t move yet, baby. Give it some time first.”

“Hurt,” Crowley insisted still struggling.

“You still hurt?” Bobby asked.

Crowley finally stopped fighting against Bobby efforts to hold him still and gave the hunter and odd look. “You,” Crowley stated. “Hurt?”

“Me? Why would I be hurt?”

“Thought… the angel… Thought maybe…”

“You thought Raphael was going to hurt me?”

“Thought maybe,” Crowley answered, finally allowing himself to relax back against the bed. “Hurt?”

“No baby, I’m not hurt. He didn’t do anything to me.”

Crowley nodded and his eyes slid shut.

“How are you feeling?” Bobby asked.

“Been better,” Crowley mumbled.

Suddenly, Sam was struck with a wave of inspiration. “Crowley?” he asked walking closer to the bed. Crowley’s eyes open and fix on Sam. “Can you explain the process needed for turning people into demons?”

Crowley flinched and Sam instantly regretted the bluntness of his question.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “Wasn’t thinking. I should have phrased that better.”

“Why do you need to know that?” Crowley whispered without opening his eyes.

“Raphael claims all human have a small spark of divine Grace inside. He thinks removing it is what’s needed to finally help you.”

“It’s true humans are born with a spark,” Crowley confirmed. It’s also true demons no longer possess that spark.” Crowley frowned and finally reopened his eyes. “It, um. It takes several years of torture to remove that spark,” Crowley whispered obviously uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

“I have faith that with the Grace inside you not being your own and your pre-existing demonic nature will drastically reduce the time required to remove the borrowed Grace,” Raphael stated bluntly.

Crowley shivered.

“I told you I’m not letting you torture him,” Bobby growled.

“I told _you_ I couldn’t care less,” Raphael retorted.

“Enough,” Dean stated loudly. “Everyone not Bobby, out of here,” he ordered.

“Pretty sure I’m not able to manage the stairs just yet,” Crowley said weakly with a smile.

“You know what I meant,” Dean grumbled. 

With little more than a shrug Raphael left the room first. With one last quick glance to Crowley Cass followed Raphael out of the room. Sam turned and frowned at Dean but made no move to leave. 

“Come on Sammy. We’re not going to do any good up here. Let’s give them some time alone.”

“You too?” Sam asked suspiciously. 

“Me too,” Dean agreed.

Sam gave a nod and they left the room together.

-

Dean eyed the group that ended up in Bobby’s library. Sam looked thoughtful, Cass looked up at Dean hopefully and Raphael stood near a bookcase inspecting the contents and looking thoroughly unimpressed. Dean shook his head and moved to sit at Bobby’s desk.

“Okay, Cass and Raph,” Dean began.

Raphael cleared his throat and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Fine, Raphael. Happy?”

The angel waved one hand dismissively and returned to inspecting the books.

“Is there any other way to remove this ‘spark’?

“Not that I know of,” Cass replied.

“There is one other way,” Raphael answered without turning around. 

“Want to share it?” Dean asked exasperated with the angel’s behavior.

“You could kill him.”

“No,” Sam dissented instantly.

Finally Raphael turned to face them. “If you don’t cure him you’ll have to kill him. His powers and Lucifer’s Grace were only ever able to merge because he was hit while passing through the cage. The basic energy of the cage allowed him to ‘absorb’ the Grace instead of it killing him when he was struck.”

“Which means?” Sam asked. 

“It means the more he uses his power the more he strains the cage. When he has used it enough times the cage will be weakened enough for Lucifer to break free. Crowley’s actions served to create a problem that could literally have an apocalyptic response. If you’re squeamish about torturing him I am more than willing to kill him. Besides I thought your family motto was ‘saving people, hunting things’, not saving ‘things’.”

“Crowley is not a thing,” Sam growled.

“And we’re not killing him either,” Dean assured his brother. “We just need to explore all of our options.”

“What is to consider? Your options are torture or death,” Raphael noted.

“So far,” Dean acknowledged. “I’m not done looking for an alternative.”

-

“Crowley?” Robert asked.

“I’ll be fine Robert, I’m just a little tired right now.”

“What happened?”

Crowley shrugged. “I used my powers.”

“You knew better. Why would you do that?”

“It wasn’t intentional. I thought he was fixing to hurt you and reacted without thinking. I was unconscious before I realized what was happening.”

“Crowley-”

“I couldn’t help it Robert. I needed to make sure you were safe. I just reacted without thinking. Striking out like that was instinctual.”

“I’m the one that’s supposed to be keeping you safe baby.”

“I can’t live like that. I need to be able to take care of myself. I can’t tell you everything, not yet, but it’s imperative I am able to protect myself. I can’t put my safety and well being in another person’s hands. I just can’t.”

Because of his past, Bobby realized. Crowley had never been able to trust anyone when he was human. Becoming a demon surely hadn’t increased his ability to trust others. To Crowley, trust was tantamount to taken advantage of and hurt. He learned early on he could only depend on himself and Bobby couldn’t blame him.

“Robert?”

“Hm?” Bobby hummed questioningly.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate you trying to protect me.”

“I know baby. It’s because you’re used to only being able to count on yourself.”

“I do, er, ‘care’ about you,” Crowley said tentatively.

“I know baby. I also know why it’s hard for you to say the other word.”

Crowley’s gaze sharpened as he eyed Bobby carefully.

“No, before you ask, I don’t know all the details,” Bobby told him.

“‘All’ implies you know some,” Crowley stated slowly.

“I picked up bits and pieces from your nightmares.”

“And?” Crowley asked.

Bobby sighed heavily. As much as he didn’t want to answer that question he wouldn’t lie to Crowley either. “And then there was the night you showed up drunk.”

“Damn it! I knew that I’d say something I shouldn’t have said. That’s exactly why I don’t drink! What did I say?” Crowley demanded.

“You, uh, told me your mother abandoned you.”

Crowley scowled. When Bobby didn’t continue Crowley spoke again. “Go on. When I drink and get talkative I tend to say _a lot_ of things I shouldn’t. What else did I share?”

“You said you found someone willing to take you in and house you in exchange for services,” Bobby stated bluntly. He wouldn’t lie. He respected Crowley too much to omit any of their conversation. “You said it was the first time anyone had taken advantage of you and-”

“Raped,” Crowley injected. “Let’s call it what it is, shall we?” Crowley snarled turning his head away.

“Raped then,” Bobby agreed quietly. “You also said it wasn’t the last time.” Bobby waited to see if Crowley would say anything. When he remained quiet Bobby continued. “You told me that the last time was in hell. That they would come in packs so some could subdue you and so the others could take advantage of, er, rape you. That’s about it.”

“About?” Crowley asked still staring away from Bobby.

“Well yeah. The only other thing that happened was I said you were safe and you asked me not to leave you.”

Crowley’s head snapped back and he glared at Bobby. “I don’t need _anyone_ to protect me. I can take care of myself!”

“Never said you couldn’t,” Bobby told him. 

Crowley crossed his arms and continued to glare.

“You’re one of the craftiest bastards I know. If anyone can take care of themselves it’d be you. You asked what happened that night and I told you. The only other thing that happened was you woke up in the middle of the night and pestered me until I gave in and we had sex.”

“Figures. I tell you I spent years being raped and you take the first opportunity to fuck me,” Crowley snarled.

“I most certainly did not,” Bobby shot back. “ _You_ woke _me_ up. After I turned you down and _you_ kept pressing _me_ , not the other way around. I haven’t lied to you yet and I’m not about to start. I tried to turn you down and you wouldn’t take no for an answer. I understand how hard it is for you to trust people but I _won’t_ take the blame for something I didn’t do.”

Crowley turned away again to glare at the opposite wall. Bobby wanted to grab Crowley’s shoulders and shake him, or maybe just hold and comfort him. Maybe if he didn’t know so much about Crowley’s past he might have done just that. As it was Bobby restrained himself. It wouldn’t help anything and it might actually make things worse. Taking deep breaths he tried to calm down. Things would only escalate if he let himself give into his anger.

“Crowley,” Bobby said calmly. Crowley didn’t turn around. “Look, I ain’t gonna tell anyone anything personal or use it against you. If I was gonna do that I already would have. I only told you what you said that night because you asked and I won’t ever lie to you.”

Suddenly Crowley’s head shot back to glower at Bobby. “And Dean?” Crowley demanded.

“What about him?” Bobby asked.

“How much about my past does he know?”

“As far as I know not a damn thing, though he probably suspects something.”

“Why?”

“Because you got loud the other night when you were having a nightmare. Dean showed to check what on what was happening. I sent him away but who knows who much he heard before he showed.”

“Damn it,” Crowley cursed.

“You didn’t exactly say anything too specific but who knows what conclusions he’ll draw from what he got.”

“Well at least that explains some things. Now I understand the change in attitude. He pities me,” Crowley sulked.

“Doubtful,” Bobby argued. “Dean doesn’t generally do pity. If he thinks someone needs help he may take action but he doesn’t generally pity them.”

“Then why else would he break a ward so I could spend time out of the house?” Crowley argued.

“How the hell should I know why that boy does anything?” Bobby countered. “Next time, though, tell me. If it means that much to you I won’t stand in the way but I’d like to go with you.”

Crowley said nothing but continued to sulk.

“Aw you’re cute when you’re all mope-y,” Bobby chided.

“See if you think I’m cute when I really get cabin fever and start going psychotic,” Crowley grumbled.

“We’ll find a way to reverse this and fix your powers,” Bobby grumbed. “Just have faith, Crowley.”

“There isn’t one. If I truly did absorb any of Lucifer’s Grace the only way to get rid of it is to torture it out of me.”

“Not happening,” Bobby stated firmly.

“It’s the only way Robert.”

“Not happening,” Bobby insisted.

-

By the time Bobby joined them in the living room Raphael and Cass had left and they still hadn’t found any other courses of action. The three of them continued researching for an alternate plan well into the night. After a few hours Sam gathered a few books, excused himself, and headed for his room. Bobby looked sideways and caught Dean eying him.

“What?” Bobby asked gruffly.

Dean shook his head. “Just thinking. Bobby?”

“Yeah?”

“I get it. You can’t talk about certain things with others. There are things you know about me that I wouldn’t want you to share. I can respect that there’s things you know about Crowley that you can’t share. Is there anything you _can_ tell me?”

“Why do you want to know about Crowley so much?” Bobby asked suspiciously.

“I don’t know.” Dean started to shrug before stopping. “Actually, that’s not completely true. A lot of it has to do with Sam. If it means so much to Sam that I find a way to accept Crowley I need to find a way to do that. If I’m being honest though it’s more than that. In all the time we’ve known him we still don’t really know anything _about_ him. I have to assume you know some things about him, though. I’m not asking you to share anything you can’t but if there is anything you can share I’d appreciate the knowledge.”

Bobby studied Dean’s face and realized something. The odd look he had seen on Dean’s face a few days back was the look Dean had when he was focused on a hunt. The same look Dean had when they had to research how to deal with something they had never come across before. Dean was, either consciously or subconsciously, ‘researching’ Crowley. The question, though, was why?

“I’m not asking for anything you can’t share,” Dean reminded him.

Bobby shook his head and closed the book. “This is about more than Sam. Why do you really want to know about Crowley?”

For a while Dean was silent. When Bobby was about to ask again Dean spoke. “I’ve thought about that for a long time. I think mostly it’s because he’s dating you. I’d want to know more about anyone that Sam was dating too.”

“And it has nothing to do with Crowley being a demon?” Bobby asked cocking an eyebrow.

“Probably,” Dean admitted. “But then you have to remember I’ve seen Sam date demons as well. It never ends well Bobby. They always want something.”

“Crowley doesn’t,” Bobby growled. As soon as the words were out of his mouth Bobby realized they were inaccurate. Crowley _did_ want something. Crowley wanted someone he could trust. He wanted someone who would never leave him. He wanted someone he could depend on not to hurt him… Crowley wanted, for once, to be loved. There was no way in hell Bobby was telling Dean any of that. Suddenly he remembered the look on Crowley’s face when the demon thought Bobby had gotten rid of the photo of the two of them.

“Bobby?”

Bobby cocked an eyebrow again and waited.

“If we don’t find another way to help him-”

“I’m not letting anyone torture him,” Bobby growled. Standing, he stomped out of the room and up the stairs. He needed to check on his demon.

-

Dean watched Bobby storm out of the library. As Bobby’s heavy footsteps ascended the stairs Dean sifted through their conversation for any clues. There still weren’t enough pieces for him to form any clear picture. Gradually his mind shifted back to the problem at hand. If Crowley truly did have Grace twisted up inside of him something would have to be done. Demons were never meant to possess Grace.

So far they had two ways to get rid of it if Crowley truly did absorb some Grace. Neither option seemed desirable. After spending time in hell himself Dean understood what torturing that bit of Grace out of Crowley would entail. Killing the demon might just be more humane. With Bobby’s feelings for Crowley Dean was sure the other hunter would strenuously object. They needed to find another option.

Finally he allowed himself to think about _why_ he wanted to help Crowley. The reasons he had given Bobby were true enough but it felt like there was something else. Something about Crowley struck a nerve somewhere inside Dean that pulled at his protective instincts. Something had happened to Crowley; something bad. He didn’t know how he knew but he did. Not recently, Dean mused. It had to have happened in his distant past. Having spent spent time in hell Dean thought about how bad Crowley's past had to have been to have persisted through those tortures. Suddenly Crowley’s nightmares became even more troubling.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to anyone's feels in advance.

Two weeks and they still found hadn’t found anything new to help Crowley. For his part, the demon rarely left Bobby’s room. While Dean didn’t blame him it was annoying. He couldn’t study Crowley for any new information without the demon present. Maybe he should pay Crowley a visit. Standing in the archway to the kitchen Dean glanced over to the table. 

Sam sat at the kitchen table with several books laid out in front of him. For the past two weeks the four of them, Cass, Bobby, Sam and he had done little else than look for an alternate way to remove the Grace from Crowley. Each of them researched on their own and didn’t talk to the others much unless they came across something that was potentially useful. Bobby took the library, Sam had taken over the kitchen, and Dean had holed up in his room while Cass searched pretty much everywhere else. So far they hadn’t had any success. 

While he continued to research Dean didn’t hold out much hope. If even demons hadn’t found an easier way to remove the spark of Grace from the humans they turned then there probably wasn’t one. Sometimes Dean researched other things. He had found an ancestry site and taught himself the basics of how it worked. Occasionally he would spend time researching Crowley, trying to find out anything he could about him. He didn’t have much luck until he stumbled across the message boards. The people on the message boards answered his questions and helped him figure out how to use the site.

For now, Dean had taken a break. Since Sam had taken the kitchen for his ‘office’ he had become the hub for all up to date information. Every time anyone grabbed something to eat or drink they would update Sam on anything they had found. Even Cass made it a point to check in with Sam when he stopped by. If anyone needed an update they always checked in with Sam because he would have the most information.

Dean had taken a break from his research to snag a cup of coffee. When he found the pot almost empty he asked Sam to make more. Sam would drink coffee if Dean made it but Bobby would pour it out and complain for the rest of the day. Dean didn’t think his coffee was that bad but it was just easier to have Sam make another pot rather than have to listen to Bobby’s insults about his coffee brewing skills. Speaking of Bobby… With him in the library and Sam in the kitchen no one would notice if Dean snuck off to visit with Crowley briefly.

Taking his coffee with him Dean headed upstairs. He had entertained the notion of grabbing another cup of coffee for Crowley but to his knowledge Crowley hated coffee. He shook his head at that thought. Who hates coffee? Still shaking his head he made it down the hallway to stand just outside of Bobby’s room. With a sigh he knocked lightly and waited. After a while he figured he must have knocked too lightly and was about to knock again. Just then the door opened and Crowley stood in the doorway eying him cautiously.

“Hey,” Dean said trying to keep his voice light.

“Bobby’s downstairs,” Crowley said blandly.

“I’m actually here to see you,” Dean told him.

For a while Crowley merely stared. Finally he took a step back and made room for Dean to enter. With a nod Dean walked into the room. Crowley turned away without acknowledging the nod and walked back to the bed. Sitting down on the bed Crowley pulled his legs up, wrapped his arms around them and rested his head on his knees.

“So,” Dean state off-handed. “No change in your energy then?”

“Pfft,” Crowley scoffed. “You make it sound like I’m pregnant.”

“Crowley,” Dean growled.

Crowley shrugged. “Well you do.”

“You do realize there’s probably no point in us continuing to research this don’t you? I mean we’re probably not going to find any other way to reverse this.”

“I know.”

“You understand what that means don’t you?”

“You’ll have to torture me.”

“What?!” Dean began shaking his head. “No. Not me. I mean, yeah, someone will. Just, just not me. I mean-”

“There’s no one else Dean,” Crowley interrupted. Finally he raised his head and met Dean’s eyes. “It has to be you. Well you or Castiel I suppose. Honestly though, do you really see the angel being able to do what’s necessary? You’ve tortured people before. You already know what needs to be done.”

“I am not torturing you Crowley,” Dean insisted.

“Who then?” Crowley snapped. “Sam? Robert? You expect them to be able to hurt me enough and in the right way to wipe out the Grace inside me? If you think I’m letting Raphael do it you’re stupider than I thought. There isn’t anyone else, Dean. It has to be you.”

“Hell no. Bobby would kill me.”

“He can’t be here when it’s happening.”

“You want me to do this behind his back?”

“Of course not. It’s just that, even if I get him to agree it needs to be done he would try to stop it if he were here. He has to be somewhere else while it’s happening.”

“I can’t do it, Crowley. Don’t ask me to torture you.”

“There’s no one else that can do it Dean. It has to be you.”

“No. And especially not behind Bobby’s back.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “I’m not talking about doing it behind his back. First I’ll need to convince him it’s the only way, then I’ll need your assistance.”

“Nothing doing, Crowley. I don’t torture people anymore.”

“Fine, then I suppose I’ll just ask Sam shall I?” Crowley huffed.

“Sam wouldn’t do it either,” Dean insisted.

“Sam couldn’t,” Crowley replied. “And Bobby wouldn’t. Since there’s no way I’m letting Raphael do it that leaves you and Castiel.”

“We’ll find another way.”

“That’s surprising coming from you considering the first thing you said when you entered was that there wasn’t any point in continuing to research for another way.”

“I’m not going to torture you Crowley,” Dean growled.

“Fine,” Crowley growled back, crossing his arms. “I’ll ask the angel then.”

They glared at each other, both breathing heavily. Could he let Crowley ask Cass to torture him? Would Cass do it? If it was the only way then probably Dean realized. Or he would try at least. Cass was an angel. He might know how demons were created but Dean had actually spent time torturing souls. If he left it to Cass it might take longer and cause Crowley more pain than was needed. Could he let that happen?

“Give it another week,” Dean said finally. “ _If_ we haven’t found anything by then and _if_ you can convince Bobby _then_ I’ll do it.”

Crowley straightened as his eyes widened. “You mean it? You’ll really do it?”

“If and only if you give us another week to find another way and if can convince Bobby it’s the only way.”

“Deal,” Crowley agreed instantly.

_Damn it,_ Dean thought. What the hell possessed him to agree to this?

-

“Robert?” Crowley asked tentatively.

“Hm?” Robert questioned, still paying attention to the book he was reading.

“Can we talk about something?”

Lowering the book Robert glanced over to him and eyed Crowley carefully. Crowley fidgeted as he waited. “About what?” Robert asked.

Crowley forced himself to stop fidgeting. “If, um, if we don’t find any other way-”

“I’m not torturing you and that’s final,” Robert asserted firmly.

“I can’t stay like this forever. If we don’t find any other way we need to consider-”

“Consider what?” Bobby asked, raising his voice. “Torturing you? Killing you? Not happening Crowley.”

“There’s no other way Robert! It’s not like I _want_ to be tortured!”

“Really? Cause it’s starting to sound like it!”

“I would think you of all people would know me better than that. I just can’t stand not being able to protect myself. I know you want to take care of me but I can’t let myself depend on others that much. I _have_ to be able to take care of myself.”

“There’s another way, we just have to find it,” Robert insisted.

Neither spoke for several minutes. “It’s been almost a month and even Castiel hasn’t had any luck,” Crowley finally said quietly.

“We just need more time.”

“It’s been almost a month Robert. Besides, the longer we wait the more trouble I’m going to have when I do return to hell.”

“Give it another week.”

Crowley gave a sad smile. “Now you sound like Dean.”

“You talked to Dean about this?”

“He’s the best option. Sam can’t do what’s needed and I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re damned right I wouldn’t do that to you,” Robert growled.

“Castiel doesn’t have any experience with extinguishing a person’s Grace and turning them into a demon. Dean’s the only person who can do what needs to be done and as efficiently as possible. It has to be him.”

“I’ll think about but let us have more time first, okay?”

“I already promised Dean I would wait another week, love. But afterward…” 

“We’ll talk about it then,” Robert insisted.

“I want to ‘talk’ about it now. I promise not to do anything until the end of the week but I want to have this discussion now. I’d rather not wait til the last minute to talk about this.”

“You’re a demon. You really don’t know any other way?”

“To the best of my knowledge there isn’t any other way love.”

“I still don’t like the thought of you suffering. I like the thought of Dean causing the suffering even less,” Robert grumbled.

“It would only be worse if it wasn’t him,” Crowley replied softly.

Robert nodded but didn’t otherwise respond.

-

So here they were, one week later and they still hadn’t made progress in finding another way to help get rid of the Grace inside Crowley. In spite of his doubts Dean had hoped he had been wrong and that they would have found something. While he could do what was needed he really didn’t want to do it. He just hated how it made him feel. The five of them were gathered in the library and each seemed to be waiting for someone else to start speaking first.

“So,” Cass began finally. “I take it no one else found any alternate methods?”

“No,” Sam said glumly.

Dean shook his head when Cass looked over to him.

“That doesn’t mean there isn’t another way,” Bobby stated.

“No,” Crowley dissented. “No more looking. It’s been more than three weeks since you began looking. Even longer than that since I’ve been back to hell. We can’t afford to wait too much longer. I have to go back and soon.”

“Why?” Bobby asked loudly. “Why can’t you just stay here with me?”

“We’ve been through this Robert. I can’t just trust other people with my well being. You know why. Besides, no matter how much you might not like it, I’m still a demon. I _have_ to get back to hell. If I don’t other demons _will_ come looking for me. If that happens it would put you all in danger. I will not ever endanger you if I can help it.”

“I can take care of myself Crowley.”

Crowley gave a snort. “How many times have I said exactly the same thing to you?”

“Crowley’s right,” Sam interrupted.

Dean glanced over to his brother, surprised.

“Well he is,” Sam repeated with a shrug. “Face it guys, if there is another way there’s no way we’re going to find it any time soon. The longer he’s gone to more dangerous it’s going to be for him to return.”

“Not to mention using his powers as things stand now could weaken Lucifer’s cage,” Cass added.

“We have to do something soon and right now we really only have one option,” Sam finished softly.

“I still don’t like it,” Bobby grumbled.

No one said a word.

-

Digging into the back of his closet Dean pulled out a bag he had hoped never to open ever again. He hated the part of him that allowed him to do this. He had hoped never to have to draw on that part of himself ever again. He would rather go head to head with Lucifer right now than torture Crowley. After all, it _was_ Lucifer’s fault he had to do this again. He hated this. Hated torturing people. Hated the instruments he had to use. Hated the small part deep inside of him that actually liked how it felt. Growling Dean punched the wall.

They had the house to themselves. Sam, Cass and Bobby had gone on a hunt. Crowley was right that Bobby shouldn’t even be in the house while this was happening. There was no way Bobby would sit back and let Dean do what had to be done and Dean didn’t think he couldn’t deal with any interruptions. Once he was in the proper head space he needed to remain focused or he wouldn’t be able to finish. He scoffed at that word. Finish? That was a laugh. It would most likely take multiple sessions to erase the spark of Grace from Crowley.

Sam found a hunt nearby to occupy Bobby for the time being. For now Dean and Crowley were the only ones in the house. What were they going to do the next time? What if there wasn’t a hunt or anything else to occupy the others? He didn’t think he could do what was needed with others watching over his shoulder. They would just have figure out something, for now he needed to get started. 

With a sigh he headed down to Bobby’s panic room. The warding had been broken for now to allow Crowley to enter. Dean had insisted on doing this in the panic room. It was easier to clean and if needed he could lock the others outside. Once he was started he didn’t want to stop until they were done for the day. Interruptions might break his concentration and he needed to be completely focused on the task at hand. Again Dean wished he could kill Lucifer instead of having to do this. With a final sigh he opened the door and entered the panic room.

-

“Can’t you drive any faster,” Bobby complained.

Sam glanced sideways and eyed the scowling older hunter in the passenger seat. “I’m already going over the speed limit as it is,” he answered, returning his eyes to the road.

“Balls,” Bobby muttered.

“We should be back to the house soon,” Castiel stated.

“You could just zap me back,” Bobby pointed out.

“The point of this trip was to get out of the house and give Dean time to-”

“Nobody is zapping anywhere,” Sam cut in. The last thing they needed to discuss was why Dean needed them out of the house. “We’ll be back soon enough. Everyone can wait.”

“If Dean used this as an excuse just to hurt Crowley-”

“He wouldn’t,” Sam broke in, cutting off Bobby. “He didn’t even want to do this, remember? He won’t do anything more than what’s necessary.”

“Better not,” Bobby mumbled as he crossed his arms.

Sam tried to relax as he sped back to the house. He was conflicted about returning. On one hand Bobby would finally be able to check on Crowley so he should relax. On the other hand there was no telling how Bobby would react to whatever state Crowley was in when they got back. He was almost positive that Dean wouldn’t use this as an excuse to do anything more than what was needed or he wouldn’t have left in the first place. What Sam was more worried about was what effects this would have on Dean. Dean hadn’t tortured anyone since the angels asked him to torture Alastair.

-

As they pulled up to the house Bobby didn’t even wait for the car to come to a complete stop before he jumped out of it. Sam cursed under his breath and put the car in park. Opening the door he got out and made his way to the house. The front door was standing open and Bobby was nowhere to be seen. Probably on his way to wherever Crowley was Sam figured. He started to go look for Dean when Cass put a hand on his shoulder stopping him. Sam turned around to face the angel.

“Do you think I should check on Crowley as well?”

“I don’t know. I think Bobby might want a little alone time for a while. Do you need to see him for anything specific?”

“I wanted to check if he needed to be healed.”

Sam pressed his lips together for several moments as he thought about it. “I was going to go find Dean. Why don’t you come with me first. We can ask Dean about Crowley before we worry about interrupting Bobby right now. I have a feeling that wouldn’t be a great idea right now.”

“Whatever you think is best,” Cass agreed.

“Yeah, let’s go find Dean.”

-

Damn it he hurt. He wanted nothing more right now than to port away and heal somewhere safe. He actually attempted to draw on his powers to do just that. For a while he wondered why he was still here, still in this room. Finally he remembered why using his powers was a poor idea. Luckily enough Dean had anticipated Crowley wanting to use his powers and made sure the devil’s trap in the center of the room was intact. 

When the knowledge that he wasn’t supposed to use his powers finally hit Crowley wasn’t sure if he should be relieved about the devil’s trap or not. If he could use his powers maybe he could force himself to pass out finally. It may weaken the cage but at this moment Crowley wasn’t sure he cared. So what if Lucifer got free? Finally he remembered Robert. Crowley frowned when he realized something was different. Before he could figure out what changed the door opened and someone entered.

“Baby?”

Crowley let out a breath of relief releasing tension he didn’t know he felt. His Robert was here. In spite of the pain Crowley tried to turn onto his side. Damn everything hurt so much. In the time it took him to roll mostly onto his side Robert was there. Hands, one on Crowley’s bicep and the other on Crowley’s side, stopped him from moving. Slowly and careful Robert helped Crowley lay back onto the bed.

“Don’t move baby. Just… don’t…” 

Robert trailed off and Crowley knew why. He remained quiet as Robert positioned him and ran his hands over various areas. Yes, Crowley knew why Robert suddenly found it hard to speak. He waited silently for Robert to finish his inspection. When Robert was done he still didn’t say a word. Crowley, unwilling to be the one to break the silence, continued to wait. Finally Robert knelt down next to the cot and placed one hand either side of his face. Crowley’s eyes slid closed. Gods he needed this, needed Robert.

“Oh baby,” Robert whispered.

“‘S n’t so b’d,” Crowley mumbled. “H’d w’rse.”

“Hush you,” Robert ordered.

Crowley tried to nod but he didn’t really want to move his head too much. Too much movement would only cause the pain to intensify. Not only that but he really didn’t want to take a chance that Robert might move his hands.

“‘ove you,” Crowley mumbled.

“I’ll kill him,” Robert growled. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

Crowley shook his head as much as possible before the pain caused him to wince and stop moving. With a soft whimper he tried to curl into a ball. Robert’s hands moved to Crowley’s shoulders and held him still. Crowley continued wriggling for a time before the pain subsided enough for him to still. By the time the pain receded enough for him to lay still he was panting, trying to catch his breath.

“H’ns?” Crowley asked.

Robert leaned closer and Crowley could smell sweat and the scent that was uniquely his Robert. A combination of laundry soap, body wash, shampoo and who knew what else.

“Crowley?” Robert asked. “I didn’t catch that. What’d you say?”

“H’ns?” Crowley repeated. “On f’ce?”

“Your face?”

Slowly Crowley nodded carefully. “F’ce. H’ns?”

“Hands?” Robert guessed.

Slowly Crowley nodded carefully once more. “H’ns. On f’ce?”

Once more Robert’s hands settled on either cheek. “This? Is what you want baby?”

“Mm,” Crowley hummed. Humming was easier than talking right now. Yes this. This was exactly what he needed. Finally Crowley let himself relax against the cot. With his Robert here he would be fine. His Robert was all he needed.

“Sh baby, rest. I’ll be here the whole time, okay.”

“Mm hm,” Crowley hummed. Letting his eyes flutter closed Crowley allowed himself to drift into sleep.

-

“Dean?” Sam called out as he opened his brother’s door.

“What?” Dean growled.

Cautiously Sam entered the room with Castiel following behind. Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed staring straight ahead. “You alright?”

“Fine,” Dean huffed turning to glare at the wall.

“So, the hunt went well,” Sam stated conversationally. Dean made a sound that could have meant anything. Sam understood but didn’t press. Dean needed time to lock away the part of him he used when he was torturing Crowley. Sam didn’t ask anything about how things had gone with Crowley. Instead he continued making small talk trying to help take Dean’s mind off of everything and give his brother time.

“All in all everything went well. Got a few new bruises but that’s about it.” Moving to the chair Sam sat down. Dean didn’t say anything so Sam continued talking. “It was nice hunting with Bobby again. Maybe one day we can all go.”

“Pfft,” Dean snorted.

Again, Sam understood what his brother meant. The only reason Dean hadn’t been with them was because he had to stay behind to hurt Crowley to wipe out the Grace inside of him. He should have picked a different topic. “I was thinking of getting a new laptop. Mine’s getting a little obsolete so I was thinking of upgrading it.”

“Don’t Sam, just… Just don’t.”

Sam remained silent, waiting.

“I know what you’re trying to do and you can stop.”

“Okay. So,” Sam hesitated briefly. “How did it go?”

“It went Sam. That’s all I want to say about it.”

Sam pressed his lips together and nodded.

-

_“Hurts,” Fergus whimpered._

_“Be quiet,” the other hissed._

_Fergus whimpered quietly desperately trying not to make any noise. This was going to happen no matter what. If he couldn’t stay quiet then he would be punished as well. ‘Be quiet,’ he ordered himself sternly, but it was not use. A small cry of pain escaped. The man laying over him stopped moving and dropped his head down next to Fergus’ ear. Unable to stop it Fergus shook with fear._

_“I told you be quiet. Do you want to be punished?”_

_Fergus shook his head frantically._

_“Then shut. Your. Mouth.”_

_Fergus didn’t even attempt to nod in agreement. He merely ducked his head and hid his face against his shoulder hoping it would muffle any sound he might accidentally make. The man propped himself back up again and drew back. When he slammed forward once again Fergus screamed._

-

He was sitting up with his eyes wide open before he even finished screaming. For a while he was sure he was still in that shack of a house; still being raped by the man that had housed him after his mother left. Slowly little things began to sink in. The walls were different. The bed was different. How was that possible. Suddenly hands were touching him. Squeezing his eyes closed Crowley panicked.

“No don’t please! I couldn’t help it! I can be quiet! I can be quiet!” he shouted trying to twist away from the hands gripping him.

“Crowley stop!”

Crowley stopped moving but continued to plead. “Please!” he begged.

“Crowley stop! It’s me, it’s just me! It’s Bobby!”

“Please don’t hurt me,” Crowley whimpered still shaking.

“Baby, open your eyes please.”

Crowley shook his head.

“Crowley, listen to my voice. It’s alright, everything is fine. You’re safe, okay. No one here is going to hurt you I promise. Open your eyes baby. Please?”

Terrified Crowley didn’t dare disobey. Slowly he cracked open one eye. Stunned at not seeing the person he expected to see Crowley blinked in surprise several times. “Robert?” he asked hesitantly.

“It’s me baby. Can I hold you now?”

Crowley tensed at the suggestion. 

“It’s okay baby, it was just a nightmare.”

“Robert?” Crowley repeated, still shocked slightly.

“Yeah baby, it’s me.”

“I… I think I’d like it if…”

“If I held you?”

“Yeah,” Crowley whispered.

Slowly Robert placed his arms around him and Crowley waited to see if the panic would resurface. When it didn’t he finally relaxed. This was his Robert. His Robert was safe. His Robert would never hurt him. 

“Sh baby, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Robert’s arms tightened around him and Crowley hissed in pain as they pressed against the wounds he had sustained earlier. The arms loosened and Robert drew back to meet Crowley’s eyes. 

“Baby?”

“It’s fine. It was just a little too tight for a second. It’s alright now.” Crowley muttered, not quite meeting Bobby’s eyes.

“Look at me baby.”

Crowley shook his head. “Not… Not yet. Please?”

Bobby pulled Crowley closer once again and held him. “That’s alright baby. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me. The story isn't finished yet and I can't finish it if I'm dead.


	14. Chapter 14

By the next morning Dean was feeling a little better. He wasn’t quite back to himself but he was getting there. He was starting to think maybe this wouldn’t be as he feared. Maybe, just maybe he could do this. He had just begun eating when Bobby and Crowley entered. At the site of Crowley Dean froze, fork halfway to his mouth. As much as he had tried to prepare himself for seeing Crowley again he realized he hadn’t been successful. Slowly Crowley made his way to the table and sat down without even glancing in Dean’s direction. Bobby, however, glared at Dean briefly before turning to make himself a plate.

Giving himself a mental shake Dean continued eating. He could leave but somehow he felt like that would be wrong. After all he had tortured Crowley for, in his mind, no good reason. It was one thing to torture a demon for information. It was entirely different torturing them for nothing more than bad luck. The only reason they were in this position in the first place was because Crowley had put his life on the line to retrieve Sam’s soul. 

Crowley had risked his life to help Sam and how did Dean repay him? By torturing him, that’s how. Yes, he could leave. He knew he wouldn’t though. If he couldn’t take the discomfort of merely being in the same room with Crowley he had no business torturing him. Dean stabbed another forkful of eggs and shoved it into his mouth. No, he wouldn’t leave. If he was going to torture the demon sitting across from him he could damned sure do him the courtesy of having breakfast with him the next morning.

.

Sam watched the change in his brother’s attitude with concern. It wasn’t that he wasn’t worried about Crowley, but Crowley had Bobby. Sam was more worried about his brother at the moment. Dean internalized his emotions and didn’t express them often. Anytime Dean had to deal with anything having to do with emotions he repressed it completely. The only reason Sam knew how much this was affecting his brother was because Dean refused to even discuss it. He had to find a way to get Dean to talk about it.

 

.

Technically he was still a demon and therefore didn’t have to eat. Still, when Robert set a plate of food down in front of him Crowley didn’t object. Under any other circumstances he might have protested but not today. Honestly he didn’t see himself turning down any kindness no matter how small for the next several days. Having already been through this once he knew exactly how horrible the next few days were likely to get. Better to cherish the small acts of kindness whenever possible. And so he made no complaint when Robert did small things for him. Instead he allowed himself to feel grateful. Yesterday was a stark reminder of how bad things were likely to get before they finished.

Just thinking about it made Crowley want to rush back up to Robert’s room and snuggle under the covers. Only his self preservation instincts forced him to stay seated at the table and continue as if nothing was bothering him. He needed to finish this or he would never be able to protect himself or Robert. Hopefully last night was a one time thing and the up and coming torture didn’t spawn any other nightmares. As much as he dreaded the torture he would survive. He didn’t know if he would be able to stand night after night of _those_ dreams.

.

As Crowley picked up a fork and began eating without a word Bobby frowned. Crowley didn’t like other people taking care of him. It had always caused him to bristle before. And yet when Bobby fixed his plate Crowley didn’t even bat an eye. It wasn’t right. His demon was broken and there wasn’t anything he could do to fix it. Bobby resisted the urge to growl and sat down next to Crowley. In his head he knew what had to be done but he still hated it. Crowley had already been through so much in his life he deserved some peace. Bobby almost snorted at that thought. If they managed to fix him Crowley would return to hell. What peace could Crowley possibly find there?

-

Castiel watched everyone in the kitchen interacting, or more precisely cautiously not interacting, with each other. Bobby still paid attention to Crowley but Crowley seemed lost in his own world. Sam was surreptitiously watching Dean but Dean didn’t seem to acknowledge anyone else present. No one spoke to anyone else. They couldn’t continue this way. He might not know a lot about humans but he knew something was going to have to give before someone finally snapped. 

There was no way Bobby would be able to stand watching Crowley suffer through the amount of torture needed to wipe out the Grace. Having suffered through this once already Castiel was worried about the effects this would have on Crowley who seemed to have completely withdrawn from everyone including Bobby. Sam’s worry for his brother was beginning to consume the younger Winchester. If this continued much longer there would be no telling what Sam might do out of his love for his brother. And then there was Dean.

Torturing Crowley was taking its toll on Dean. The normal spark of life humans possessed was still there but it was different. It was slightly dimmer than normal. Suddenly the words Dean had spoken when they asked him to torture Alastair flashed through his mind. _You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out._ Things couldn’t continue this way. Castiel realized that torturing the Grace out of Crowley might be the ‘last straw’ as the humans put it. They needed to find another way to fix things before it was too late. There had to be another way, he just had to find it.

-

Sam knocked on Bobby’s door and waited. 

_“What?”_

Opening the door Sam stuck just his head inside. Bobby and Crowley were both in the bed. Bobby was sitting back against the headboard and Crowley was lying down, curled up around Bobby with his head in Bobby’s lap. One of Bobby’s hands rested on Crowley’s head, fingers in his hair. Sam paused. Maybe they shouldn’t do this. Maybe they could find someway to make this work without getting rid of the Grace. Maybe after maybe raced through his mind as he tried to rationalize the reasons this wasn’t necessary.

“What?” Bobby repeated.

“I was thinking about catching a movie. Wanna come?” Sam asked shifting uncomfortably.

“No,” Bobby huffed.

“Robert,” Crowley chastised lightly.

“He asked if I _wanted_ to go. I don’t.”

“Please?” Crowley asked quietly.

“Why do I have to leave? Why can’t I just stay here?”

“Because you can’t love. It would only cause more problems. It’s already difficult enough for everyone involved.”

“If you want to make it less difficult for me then don’t ask me to leave.”

“If you stayed it’d only be worse.”

“How could it possibly be worse?” Bobby asked angrily.

Crowley was quiet for a long time before he answered. “I’m not sure if Dean would be able to do what was needed. He might not be able to hurt me enough if he knew you were in the same house. If he couldn’t then all the pain I would have go through would be meaningless. Also, I wouldn’t be able to give in completely if I knew you were here,” he stated softly. “It would take longer for me to break because I would be worried. I would be too worried about you hearing…” Crowley paused and no one spoke. Finally he continued. “I’d be worried about you hearing the screams. My screams,” he whispered.

Even after Crowley had finished no one spoke.

“Robert?” Crowley finally asked hesitantly.

Bobby shook his head. “I can’t talk about it Crowley. If you really want to go through this I can’t talk about it. I don’t want to know any of the details. I don’t think I can let you suffer through this if I know any of the specifics.”

“Love? I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. Just don’t Crowley.”

Silently Crowley nodded. 

“I suppose I should get ready to leave,” Bobby grumbled.

“I truly am sorry Robert.”

“Don’t Crowley,” Bobby warned.

Again Crowley nodded.

-

As they approached the door Crowley hesitated. He realized fairly soon he wouldn’t be able to willingly walk into this room. What would they do then? They needed to come up with an alternate plan. Robert would never stand for him to be confined inside. Maybe they should find somewhere else to do this. What had ever possessed him to believe it was a good idea to do this in Robert’s house of all places?

“Crowley,” Dean growled.

To his shame Crowley flinched. What the hell was wrong with him? It had only been one session so far. Hell knew how many more it would take. If he was already this jumpy he needed to get a hold of himself. Straightening, Crowley shoved his fears away and strode into the room with his head held high. This was his choice. No one had captured him or subdued him. This was his decision and he had made it. When it was over things could go back to the way they were supposed to be, he reminded himself.

Still with his head held high Crowley strode forward, walked over the lines of the devil’s trap and stopped near the cot. If Dean was expecting him passively lay down and let himself be restrained he had another thing coming. Not that he would disobey a direct order. He just couldn’t allow himself to submit to this without some amount defiance.

“Cot. Now,” Dean growled.

Scowling Crowley, stiff and straight shouldered, moved to lay on the cot.

-

“I agreed to a movie. I didn’t agree to go out to eat,” Bobby snapped.

“There’s no way their finished yet. We need to kill more time,” Sam replied patiently.

“I want to go back.”

“You promised Crowley,” Sam said quietly.

“I also promised to protect that jackass,” Bobby argued.

Sam pressed his lips together and didn’t respond. There wasn’t anything he could say to that. Sure he could argue that this was helping Crowley protect himself but he didn’t think that argument would go over well. Instead he merely drove them to the nearest restaurant. He could argue that his worry for Dean was the same as Bobby’s worry over Crowley but Sam didn’t think that would be helpful either. Instead Sam chose to suppress his worry and focus on helping Bobby take his mind off of Crowley as much as possible.

-  
The next day  
-

It was the morning of the third day and so far neither Crowley nor Bobby had made it down for breakfast. Sam wanted to check on them but he was worried about Dean. Glancing across the table he inspected his brother. Something was definitely wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on it but Dean was definitely different. This had to end soon. If this carried on for too much longer someone, himself included, was going to break.

-

Curled up behind Crowley Bobby held his demon. He couldn’t take watching this happen for much longer. Crowley didn’t deserve to suffer through this. Crowley had already been through this once before and, as far as Bobby was concerned, that was enough. By now Crowley would usually already be awake. Bobby wasn’t sure if he was happy or not that Crowley was still asleep. On one hand it was out of the norm for his demon and it concerned him. On the other hand Crowley was sleeping fairly peacefully and not having a nightmare.

He’d had a nightmare earlier and had woken up terrified. It had taken more than an hour before Bobby could calm him down enough to even lay down. When Bobby placed an arm over him Crowley had flinched and then began shaking. By the time Bobby had managed to calm him down Crowley was almost in tears. He couldn’t take watching his demon suffer through this much longer before he snapped and did something to stop it.

Crowley whimpered softly and Bobby whispered quietly trying to comfort him. Crowley shifted slightly and seemed to still. Bobby held his breath waiting, watching. When Crowley remained still Bobby let his eyes slide closed. If this didn’t end soon he didn’t know what he was going to do. Not only was the torture was causing Crowley’s nightmares to happen more frequently it seemed to making them worse. Something definitely had to give.

-

Still in a side dimension that allowed him to observe without being seen Castiel ported from Bobby and Crowley’s room to the kitchen. He could feel the worry radiating off Sam but what concerned him the most was Dean. The spark of Grace all humans had was still there but there was something different about it. After studying Dean for a while Castiel realized it was darkening more and more every time Dean had to torture Crowley. Castiel found this development unacceptable. There had to be a way to help Crowley that didn’t require Dean to darken his soul in this manner. If anyone knew of any other way it would be Raphael. Castiel ported to heaven to confront the Archangel. 

-

“This can’t continue,” Castiel stated. “It’s harming them all.”

“Don’t tell me you’re worried about the demon having bad dreams,” Raphael replied dismissively. 

“It’s not just about Crowley. Look at them Raphael, all of them. Sam, Dean, and Bobby are suffering as well.”

Castiel watched as the other angel inspected Sam and Dean. 

“Where is the demon?” Raphael asked.

“Upstairs with his mate,” Castiel answered.

“Demons don’t have mates. They can’t love, Castiel.”

“Crowley loves Bobby. Maybe it’s the Grace but he does love him.”

“Perhaps,” was all Raphael said before porting upstairs.

Castiel shook his head and followed. When he arrived Bobby was still in bed but he was now leaning against the headboard. Crowley had shifted positions and was now leaning against Bobby’s side with his head resting on the hunter’s chest. The demon’s eyes were closed and his arms were wrapped tightly around Bobby.

“Told you I’m not going to leave you idjit,” Bobby stated affectionately.

“Everyone leaves me,” Crowley said sadly.

“I ain’t everyone else, baby. I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Instead of answering Crowley shifted slightly and nodded in response.

“Everything’s going to be alright baby. I promise, and I always keep my promises don’t I?”

Crowley nodded once more snuggling closer to the hunter.

“I love you,” Bobby told Crowley.

“Me too,” Crowley replied. “I mean…” 

“I know what you mean baby.”

“Interesting,” Raphael murmured. “A demon that can love.”

“Interesting? That’s all you have to say about this?”

“Yes. Interesting but ultimately unimportant.”

“Unimportant? How can you say-”

“Because it is unimportant,” Raphael stated, cutting off Castiel’s question. “What is more important right now is Dean. His soul shouldn’t be darkening this quickly.”

“I believe it’s because he never fully recovered from his time in hell.”

“Perhaps,” Raphael mused.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably in the silence. “So if you know of anything that might help…” he prompted.

“I _might_ know of another way but I doubt it will help you,” Raphael answered cryptically.

“Tell me,” Castiel insisted.

“There are tablets that could help.”

“Tablets?”

“The word of God inscribed in stone, or so rumor has it.”

“Do you know where they are?”

“I have a few ideas where one of them might be but I can’t promise anything.”

“Tell me,” Castiel ordered.

“Even if you find one you would never be able to read it.”

“Let us worry about that. Just tell me where to find the tablet.”

-

“Are you insane?” Robert shouted.

Though the words weren’t directed at him Crowley still flinched at the tone.

“It’s a better option than having Dean torture Crowley,” Castiel insisted.

“That don’t mean I’m going to run off for who knows how long to find some hunk of rock that might not even help. You and Sam can go look for it on your own!”

“Bobby,” Sam began but Robert cut him off before he could continue.

“Not happening Sam. I’m not leaving Crowley alone for however long it would take to find that thing. Besides, we don’t even know if it’ll work.”

“Raphael seemed pretty sure it would work,” Castiel interjected.

“Raphael also wants Crowley dead. Why the hell should we trust him?”

“Because he’s more worried about Dean right now,” Castiel stated.

“I don’t need or want his help,” Dean snapped. “There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m fine.”

“I’ve been watching you over the past few days, Dean,” Sam said quietly. “You’re not fine.” 

“Stay out of this Sam, I’m not in the mood.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. You’re irritable all the time and you snap at everyone now.”

“What did you expect Sam? That I’d be happy about having to torture Crowley? Well I got news for you, I’m not.”

“Perhaps we should all calm down,” Crowley offered cautiously. Dean turned to glare at him and Crowley involuntarily flinched sideways against his Robert. Robert’s arm slipped around his waist and Crowley tried to relax.

“Sam is right,” Castiel interrupted. “You are not ‘fine’. I’m fairly certain that the more you continue to torture Crowley the worse it will become.”

“I’m all for stopping,” Dean snarled. “It’s not like it was my idea in the first place.”

“I second that,” Robert agreed.

“I am unsure if that’s wise,” Castiel told them. “If you stop for a decent length of time it might negate the progres you have already made. If that happens and we cannot find the tablet you would have to start over again.”

“How sure are you this tablet can help?” Sam asked.

Crowley turned to watch Castiel carefully, hopeful about the answer. Anything that would spare him another day of suffering was worth anything it would take to find it. Even, as much as Crowley hate the idea, if it mean his Robert having to be gone for several days.

“I’m not sure but if there’s a chance it might help I think we should look for it.”

“You two can look for it without me,” Robert growled.

Crowley resisted the urge to whimper at the anger in Robert’s voice. He tried to remind himself it wasn’t directed at him. It didn’t help. It wasn’t until Robert’s arm tightened around him slightly that Crowley even realized he was actually shivering slightly.

“Bobby,” Sam started. “You can’t be here when Dean’s, uh, when it’s happening. You may as well come with us.”

“And who’s going to take care of Crowley afterward,” Robert argued glancing down to look at Crowley.

Crowley met Robert’s eyes and instantly felt calmer. Robert would never hurt him or leave him. His Robert cared about him. _He loves you,_ his mind reminded him. A shiver he couldn’t repress shot through his body. Robert wrapped his other arm around him and pulled Crowley closer. Crowley had never been so grateful to be comforted in his life in spite of how weak it probably made him look.

“I promise I will stop in every day to check on him,” Castiel told Robert.

“If it lets up help Crowley without having to hurt him anymore isn’t it worth at least looking into?” Sam asked.

“So go look for it,” Robert retorted.

“Bobby,” Sam pled.

“Robert,” Crowley said softly.

Robert turned to Crowley and waited.

“They’re right, if it will help fix me without me having to be tortured any more then it’s worth looking into. I’ll be alright love, promise.”

“Oh yea? And what happens if you have-” 

Robert stopped speaking suddenly and glanced around the room. Sam watched them looking curious, Castiel cocked his head slightly and Dean, who wasn’t looking that them to start with, continued glaring straight ahead seemingly at nothing in particular. Robert didn’t have to finish that statement though. Crowley understood what he was asking. _‘What happens if you have a nightmare?’_ That’s what Robert had been about to ask.

“I’ll be alright,” Crowley assured him. “Promise.” At least, he hoped he would be. Since he had managed alright enough before he met Robert, he was fairly sure he could last at least a few days alone. Though before all this his nightmares had never been this bad. Probably because he had chosen to forgo sleep whenever possible. Demons didn’t require sleep all that often and most chose to eschew it. Crowley was never certain if other demons were plagued by nightmares or merely found sleep tedious. Either way it didn’t much matter.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Robert said quietly.

“I know love but I’ll be alright. Besides, with you looking for it as well the chances of finding it are better. You’re one of the best researchers I know and you have more of a reason than anyone else to find this tablet.”

“I still don’t want to leave you,” Robert told him, bring his head down to rest his forehead against Crowley’s forehead. 

“I know love, but it’s better if you do. You won’t be here to hear anything that might upset you and I won’t be worried about you worrying over me. I’ll be able to give myself over more easily if I know I don’t have to worry about upsetting you. Also, if the tablet can help me without me having to endure anymore sessions so much the better, right?” When Robert didn’t answer Crowley held his gaze and spoke again. “For me, love?”

Robert was silent a moment longer before responding. “For you baby. Only for you.”

“Right,” Crowley announced. Pulling back he stood and reached a hand down for one of Robert’s hands. When Robert took his hand Crowley pulled him to his feet. “If that’s settled then you and I are going to spend some time upstairs.” Crowley turned to the others and eyed them meaningfully. “Alone.”

“We really should-” Sam began.

“Nope,” Crowley disagreed. “Whatever it is it can wait. This can’t.” Turning proceeded to drag Robert out of the library and towards the stairs. As much as he wanted deny it three days of torture had taken their toll. Limping up the stairs was slow going until finally Robert reached down and lifted him. Crowley grinned as Robert carried him the rest of the way upstairs. Once again he was struck with awe at how much he loved Robert. Suddenly Crowley frowned. Something was wrong. Yes he still loved Robert but it seemed harder to feel it. Like it was more distant and he had to reach farther for the emotion. Confused Crowley tried to puzzle out what this meant.

When they reached the door Robert leaned down and kissed him. Hard. Instantly all of his worries flew out of his mind and there was only Robert. He wasn’t aware of them entering the room and only realized they had when Robert laid him down on the bed. Robert moved and began undressing him. As always, the care Robert used when undressing him left Crowley in awe. No one in his long life had ever been so gentle with him as his Robert.

When Crowley was wearing nothing more than his boxers Robert straightened and moved to undress himself. Crowley lifted his head slightly and watched. Robert removed everything including his own boxers before sliding into the bed with Crowley. Reaching over Robert gently laid a hand on Crowley’s right cheek. Crowley closed his eyes and sighed happily. It had taken quite a while for him to be comfortable enough to close his eyes around another when he was mostly naked and vulnerable. So far the only person he had ever allowed himself be that trusting around was the hunter currently laying next to him.

Hand still on Crowley’s right cheek Robert leaned forward and nuzzled against Crowley’s neck. Crowley arched his back and tilted his chin upward, moaning softly. Robert responded by peppering Crowley’s neck with soft kisses causing Crowley to shudder in pleasure. When Robert drew back Crowley suppressed a whine of disappointment. Aside from the first two nights Robert had never rushed and their sex had always been perfect. The only reason the first two nights had been rushed and frantic were because of him. Crowley hadn’t wanted it soft those times; couldn’t even fathom it soft. He also hadn’t been able to relinquish control. Crowley had been the top those two times and Robert hadn’t objected. The third time Robert had drawn a devil’s trap under the mattress rendering Crowley powerless.

Internally Crowley had panicked, externally he had raged. Robert had watched calmly and unconcerned until Crowley had calmed down enough to hold a conversation. Robert explained he wanted to take it slow that night but didn’t care if Crowley remained the top. Crowley had been suspicious to say the least but Robert had remained true to his word. Crowley began a slow, drawn out night of fucking and never once had Robert complained or tried to take charge. The next night, out of guilt over his suspicions, though he would never admit it, Crowley had suggested they change roles. It had been wonderful.

A nip to the side of his neck just under his ear brought him back to the present. Crowley inhaled sharply, rolled his hips, and arched his back once more. Gods he needed this. Robert never failed to get him so revved up before they began Crowley would almost have begged to be fucked. Almost. Robert shifted a leg over Crowley and straddled him. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, Robert moved lower. Still with eyes closed Crowley lost himself in the sensations. The feeling of Robert sliding down his body, the feeling of Robert’s fingers at the waistband of his boxers. Gods he needed this.

“Please,” Crowley begged.

“Sh baby, I’ve got you,” Robert whispered.

“I need,” Crowley moaned.

“I know baby,” Robert soothed. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. Lay still and let me take care of you. Okay?”

Unable to speak Crowley nodded frantically. Painfully slow Robert removed Crowley’s boxers. A low groan escaped Crowley’s lips as Robert slid back up Crowley’s body. Robert’s actions weren’t accidental. Both of them had spent day after day exploring the other’s body, their likes, their dislikes. Each of Robert’s moves was designed to get Crowley even more hot and bothered than he was already. Crowley wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

“Love,” Crowley whispered.

“I know baby. I’ve got you,” Robert whispered back. “Turn over baby.”

Trembling with need Crowley wasn’t sure he was going to be able to comply. He might not have been able to on his own but Robert helped him. Once on his stomach Crowley arched his back again while pressing his chest into the mattress thus raising his ass. Robert’s hands rested lightly one on each cheek before massaging slowly. Crowley hummed happily. One hand finally disappeared from his ass but Crowley didn’t worry. Instead he waited patiently. 

His patience was rewarded when he felt one lubed finger enter him. Crowley groaned in pleasure. Slowly, ever so slowly, the finger moved. Crowley fought against the urge to rock back against the finger. He wouldn’t be able to resist long, he knew, but he would hold out as long as possible. A second finger slipped inside and the urge to rock back increased drastically. He had desperately missed this. Robert took his time stretching Crowley and, as anticipated, Crowley didn’t last long before he was rocking against the fingers pressing inside of him. Crowley would love to say he outlasted Robert’s ministrations but that would have been a lie. After who knew how long he began to beg once again.

“Robert. Please Robert, please. I need, please.” The fingers withdrew and Crowley whined loudly. 

“Sh baby, soon. Okay?”

Crowley let out another loud whine and rocked back slightly. Finally he felt Robert’s hands grip his hips. Soon he felt Robert lining up and pressing into him. Crowley groaned loudly and pressed backward until Robert was fully inside. Pressing his chest farther into the bed he shifted all his weight to his shoulders. As he had from the beginning, when Robert began to move it was maddeningly slow. Crowley revealed in achingly slow, deliberate movements.


	15. Chapter 15

The first night Robert was gone Crowley hadn’t had a nightmare. He began to feel more hopeful about his chances of being alright until Robert returned. Now, nine days later he didn’t understand how he could have ever been that stupid. Nine days Robert had been gone. Only nine days and Crowley’d had twelve nightmares. Well, twelve that he remembered. He supposed there could have been more. The first night and one other night somewhere in the middle of the nine days so far were the only two days he hadn’t had a nightmare. Some nights he had more than one. Most of the time he curled up around Robert’s pillow and laid awake the rest of the night. 

Today would mark the beginning of the thirteenth day of sessions with Dean. Crowley pulled the covers around himself tightly and shook. He couldn’t do it. At this point he couldn’t even remember why he thought he could do this. He had already paid his dues when he first became a demon. There was no reason for him to go through this again. He would learn to live without using his powers, he decided. No way he could continue with this. Yes he decided, he would be fine never using his powers again. No reason to go through any more sessions.

Despite everything, the thing that hurt the worst was losing his emotions. After becoming a demon Crowley had never given emotions a second thought. He hadn’t had experience with many positive emotions so the loss of them hadn’t bothered him. While he was a demon and unable to truly feel any real emotions they hadn’t mattered. When he had been struck by Lucifer’s powers and absorbed the Grace everything had changed. Crowley had never truly cared about another person in his life. When he absorbed the Grace he was finally able to feel love for the first time in his life. Even if he couldn’t admit it to Robert he couldn’t deny it to himself. Love was what he felt for his Robert.

The more sessions he went through, the more the Grace inside dimmed, the harder it was to hold onto his emotions. Yes each session hurt more than the previous one. Yes he would have been ready to run without any other reason. The dimming of the Grace and the loss of emotions were just the last straw. He couldn’t finish this. If he lost the Grace completely he would never be able to feel his love for Robert ever again. He couldn’t willingly let go of the one positive thing he could remember feeling in his life. This had to stop. Now.

-

When the door to Robert’s room opened Crowley flinched and scooted backward until he was pressed against the headboard of the bed. As he moved he drug the covers with him keeping the blanket wrapped around himself. Dean strode into the room and stopped just inside the door. _No_ , Crowley thought. _I won’t do it. Even if it means I remain powerless I won’t lose the remaining love I still have for Robert._

“Move it,” Dean ordered.

“I… I don’t think I want to continue,” Crowley said carefully.

“Tough. You said even if you wanted to quit we shouldn’t let you. Out of bed, Crowley.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Dean asked gruffly.

“Can’t,” Crowley said quietly.

“I’m more than willing to help you out of that bed,” Dean growled.

Crowley shook his head. “No, if… if I continue then…”

Dean crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently.

“I… The things I feel…” Pausing Crowley took a deep breath and tried again. “I’m losing my emotions. If we continue I’ll lose how much I care about Robert,” he whispered. “I can’t lose how much I care about him Dean, I just can’t. Don’t try to force this, please? I… I need this.”

“You already told us you would resist this.”

“I’m not resisting this, I’m refusing to participate any longer. I can’t lose my emotions. If I do I’ll lose how I feel for Robert permanently. I’ve suffered through everything you’ve done so far. That’s the one thing I honestly cannot handle. For the first time in my life I’ve found something worth fighting for more than mere survival. I need this Dean.”

“What you need is to get your ass downstairs and finish what you started.”

“I can’t,” Crowley repeated. “If I do-”

“If you don’t you’re seriously not going to like the consequences,” Dean warned.

“The consequences of following through with this is that I will lose all my feelings for Robert,” Crowley argued.

“If, and that’s only if, we decide to stop doing this it should be a group vote. It was a group vote to begin in the first place. Now, get out of that bed.”

Dean wasn’t going to take no for an answer. _I should be used to this by now_ , Crowley thought. He had never been allowed to have someone to love while he’d been alive, why should it be any different now? Shoulders hunched Crowley slowly unwrapped the blanket. He put his left foot down first, followed by his right. Standing he let his head drop and stared at the floor. His eyes stung as they began to tear. Still, he wouldn’t give Dean the satisfaction of seeing him cry if he could help it.

“Crowley,” Dean growled.

“Y-yes?”

“Panic room. Now.”

Crowley nodded defeatedly and exited the room. When they hit the stairs he descended slowly feeling as if each step was his last. He paused when they were halfway down the stairs and turned to Dean. For several moments all he could do was stare. Dean cocked an eyebrow and waited.

“Look at us, Dean. We’re killing each other. The others should be back soon. Missing one session isn’t going to hurt anything.”

“Don’t make me start on these stairs, Crowley.”

“Are you even listening to yourself Dean? If things continue this way Robert’s going to lose not only me but you as well. Don’t make him lose two people he loves.”

“Whatever,” Dean grumbled. 

Crowley froze and Dean paused slightly when they heard the sound of a car pulling up to the house.

“Robert,” Crowley whispered. 

After a few seconds Dean cursed and stormed back up the stairs and turned down the hall towards his bedroom. Taking the rest of the stairs two at a time Crowley made it to the bottom and rushed to the door. The door opened and revealed his Robert. For several seconds the two merely stared at each other. Finally they moved. As Crowley wrapped his arms around Robert, Robert’s arms came up to encircle him. Gods he had missed this.

They stood there embracing each other until someone behind Robert cleared their throat noisily. Crowley raised his head off of Robert’s chest and looked behind his hunter. Castiel and Sam stood behind Robert. Castiel was watching them with his head cocked slightly and Sam was purposely not watching the two. Crowley smiled.

“It’s alright Sam. We’re not going to make out in the doorway,” Crowley teased.

-

What the hell was wrong with him? Dean barely resisted punching something. He knew what was wrong with him. He was beginning to like torturing Crowley and it made him hate himself. A part of him knew he shouldn’t be feeling this way but it was becoming more difficult to remember why. If they didn’t find an alternative soon he worried about this part of him taking over for good. Hopefully the return of the others meant they had been successful. 

-

Tentatively, hesitatingly, Crowley reached out and trailed his fingers over the stone tablet resting on the desk. He recognized some of the markings as a form of Enochian but he wasn't familiar with a form this old. According to Castiel no one but a Prophet would be able to read something this old. A Prophet. So they had the tablet but it still didn’t help. Crowley sighed wearily. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or not. No matter how it happened getting rid of the Grace would kill any chances he had of keeping his emotions intact.

“Where is Dean?” Castiel asked.

Crowley shrugged. “His room I suppose. He was headed that way just as you arrived.”

Castiel nodded absently. Still not sure if he was happy or not Crowley sighed again. The tablet was a much better alternative then continuing with the torture sessions, not only for himself but Dean as well. At least that much good would come of it if they were able to translate the damned tablet. 

“Crowley?”

Crowley turned at the sound of Robert’s voice and raised and eyebrow questioningly.

“You alright?”

“As alright as possible I suppose,” Crowley sighed. Reaching sideways he took Robert’s hand in his own. “So what next?” Crowley asked.

“You can’t read it at all?” Sam asked. 

“No,” Castiel admitted. “Only a Prophet could read it.” Castiel shrugged. “Well, a Prophet or possibly the scribe.”

“Scribe?” Sam asked.

“The scribe of God,” Castiel clarified. “He’s the one who wrote them in the first place, but no one’s seen him in a long time.”

“Great,” Robert muttered irritably. “Okay. So basically only two people can read this hunk of stone and we have no chance of finding either?”

“Three,” Castiel stated. “God would also be able to read it.”

“Great,” Robert huffed. “So let’s just mosey up to heaven and ask God what this says then.”

“God is no longer in heaven and no angel knows where He is anymore,” Castiel stated.

Robert rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to go check on Dean,” Sam informed them as he stood.

Crowley nodded absently, turning his eyes back to examine the tablet.

-

While he didn’t actually _need_ to sleep as much as humans he usually had no problem sleeping laying next to Robert. Tonight, however, he couldn’t force himself to sleep. It wasn’t anything to do with the nightmares though he really couldn’t stand the thought of having another one anytime soon. No, what kept him awake tonight was their new dilemma. They had the tablet and yet it was useless if they couldn’t translate it. 

Unable to stay still Crowley slipped out of bed to keep from waking Robert. Quietly he exited the room and closed the door behind himself. Walking down the hall he made his way to the stairs. Halfway down he heard movement in the library. With Sam, Dean and the angel also in the house Crowley didn’t give it a second thought. As he reached the bottom of the stairs a person he had never seen before exited the library. Both Crowley and the other person froze at the same time. It was several moments before Crowley realized the other had the tablet. The other tensed and Crowley realized he was fixing to flee.

“Hey!” Crowley shouted just as the other bolted for the door. “Damn it,” Crowley muttered as he took off after the stranger. He was fast but so was the other. Crowley reached the door just as the other flung it open and fled the house. He tried to follow but the warding held fast and stopped him. “Damn it!” Crowley cursed.

“Robert!” Crowley yelled, turning to look back up the stairs. “Robert! Castiel!”

While it felt like an eternity more than likely it was less than ten seconds later before Castiel appeared next to him. 

“Crowley?” the angel asked.

“The tablet! Someone broke in and took off with it!”

A split second later Castiel was gone.

“Crowley?”

At the sound of Dean’s voice Crowley turned. Sam, Dean and Robert stood at the top of the stairs watching them. Dean had a gun in his hand and started down the stairs glancing left and right as he descended. Unable to stop himself Crowley raised his arms and held them out towards Robert. Robert hurried down the stairs and held him.

“Baby? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Someone stole the tablet,” Crowley told Robert still snuggling against him.

Robert growled and turned to look sideways. Crowley opened his eyes and spied Dean watching them. With a nod Dean took off out the front door. Robert led them into the library and together they sat down on the couch. Crowley let his eyes slide closed. He had just accepted attempting to use the tablet to get rid of the Grace and now it was gone. He couldn’t go back to being tortured. He just couldn’t. Finally he reopened his eyes.

Sam joined them and sat in the nearest chair. Together the three of them waited in silence for Dean and Castiel to return. Crowley leaned sideways snuggling against Robert. He wouldn’t submit to anymore torture. He couldn’t. If they didn’t get the tablet back… Nope, not going to go there, he thought. No matter what happened he wouldn’t submit to anymore torture. Besides, the loss of being able to feel love for his Robert was too much. Perhaps it’s better this way, he mused. Did he really want to return to hell anyway?

After several minutes the front door closed. Crowley frowned slightly as he realized no one had bothered to shut the door when Dean and Castiel had taken off after the stranger. Damn it, he needed to remember the little things like that. Still cursing himself Crowley waited until Dean and the stranger entered the library. Castiel followed not too far behind. 

“Please don’t hurt me,” the stranger stated, holding the tablet tightly to his chest.

“Who are you?” Sam asked.

“I’m Kevin, Kevin Tran, advanced placement,” the stranger said.

Crowley’s frown deepened as he eyed the kid. “There’s something about you,” Crowley stated.

“He’s a Prophet,” Castiel informed them.

“He can read the tablet,” Crowley stated immediately.

Castiel hesitated. Yes,” he finally answered.

“Why are you hesitating? If it keeps Dean from having to-”

“Crowley,” Robert interjected. Crowley turned to look at his love. “We’ll talk about that later, okay?”

The look on Robert’s face told Crowley he considered this topic closed. Frowning Crowley let it pass for the moment. He made a mental note to ask Robert about it later. Nodding he let the subject drop for now and waited for someone else to speak.

“So,” Sam began slowly. “can he or can’t he read the tablet?”

“Theoretically yes,” Castiel answered.

Crowley inspected the so called Prophet. He looked uncomfortable. 

“We’re not going to hurt you,” Crowley stated. The Prophet, Kevin, turned to him and paled slightly. Crowley almost winced when he realized how he looked. Yes, his demonic nature allowed him to heal naturally faster than a human but it would still take quite a while to fully heal without being able to draw on his powers. 

“What happened to you?” Kevin asked shakily.

“I’ve had a few bad weeks,” Crowley grumbled.

“Not just you,” Dean growled.

“We really need you to read that for us,” Sam interrupted, nodding at the tablet in Kevin’s hands.

Kevin stared at it for a while and squinted. “Is this even a language? How am I supposed to read something like that that?”

“You’re a Prophet of the Lord. The ability to read it is inside of you. You just have to concentrate,” Castiel told him.

“It’s just squiggles. Whoever you think I am, I’m not. I’m not a Prophet or anything else either, I’m just… me.”

“I assure you, you are a Prophet of the lord,” Castiel repeated.

Crowley rolled his eyes. This was going to get old fast. 

“Give the kid some proof eh Feathers,” Crowley broke in. “I’d do it myself but I’m a little ‘incapacitated’ at the moment, remember? He’s never going to believe this without some proof and I don’t really have the ability if you know what I mean.”

With a nod Castiel took several steps back and inspected the area around him. As the room waited Castiel’s wings spread. An angel’s Grace and demons didn’t generally go well together Crowley looked away involuntarily. 

“This… this is a trick. It’s a trick. I has to be. I mean…” Crowley winced slightly before turning back to Kevin. The Prophet was staring at Castiel and backing away slowly. “This… I mean, it can’t be…”

Crowley realized the Prophet was fixing to pass out seconds before it happened.

“Someone catch him,” Crowley shouted as Kevin began to fall.

-

_“Prophet of the lord.”_

_“Just stop. He doesn’t know how.”_

_“He will.”_

_“Not immediately. Give him time.”_

_“We don’t have time for this crap.”_

_“Shut it Crowley!”_

“Crowley!” Kevin shouted sitting bolt upright. The others looked at each other. Someone was missing he thought. There was Mr. Muscles, the scrawny guy, the tall guy and the old guy but the one with the accent was missing. 

“Don’t you worry yourself about Crowley,” the old guy said. Mr. Muscles scowled and stalked over to the other side of the room. Kevin glanced upward at the tall guy. 

“Crowley’s the one of us that’s not here right now. I’m Sam by the way. That’s Bobby, that’s Cass and that one over there is my brother Dean.” Sam pointed at each of the others as he introduced them.

Kevin shifted and put his feet down on the floor. At some point someone had moved him to the couch. He turned to look at the one Sam had called Cass. “Did I imagine things or did you…” 

“Cass is an angel,” Sam told him.

“An angel,” Kevin echoed skeptically.

“And you’re a Prophet,” Cass stated.

“Like an actual angel?” Kevin asked.

“Yes,” Cass answered.

“And the others here? Are they angels too?”

“Cass is the only angel,” Sam said. “Everyone else here is an ordinary human.”

“Well not everyone,” the one named Dean disagreed.

Kevin turned back to Sam and waited.

Sam sighed. “Crowley’s a demon.”

“Right,” Kevin stated as he stood. “Crowley’s a demon, you’re an angel and I’m having one really screwed up hallucination.”

“You are not hallucinating,” Cass said. 

“Right,” Kevin repeated with a sharp nod. “Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get home before my mom kills me.”

“You can’t leave,” Cass told him. “The warding I’ve put up to keep other angels from sensing Crowley or being able to get in here to kill him is also keeping them from being able to sense you. If you walk out that door other angels with show up to take you away to the desert.”

“Other angels. Right.”

“You’re a Prophet of the Lord. It’s their duty to watch over you while you fulfill your duties as a Prophet.”

“Just stop. I don’t know why you think I’m a Prophet but you have the wrong person. I’m just a kid trying to get into Princeton, not some Prophet of the Lord.

“Read the tablet,” Cass stated. “Only a Prophet will be able to read it.”

“It’s just squiggly lines. I told you I can’t read it.”

“Try,” Cass insisted.

Kevin took the tablet from Cass and sat back down on the couch. Holding it he stared at the stone trying to make sense of the squiggly lines. Nothing happened. He was about to give up and hand it back when the lines blurred. Blinking a few times Kevin stared at the stone more intently. The lines blurred, came back into focus again, and blurred slightly before he started to realize they were actually words. Not in the sense that he was used to but still words. Startled he realized he actually could read the squiggly lines.

.

Crowley stood hesitating at the top of the stairs and debated just heading back into Robert’s room. The fewer people around the kid the better. Besides, with the reaction the kid had when he had seen the various injuries and bruises on him Crowley felt it would be better if he wasn’t there when the kid woke up again. There was nothing he could do to help. The kid had to translate tablet before they knew anything for sure. Kevin, Crowley reminded himself. The kid had a name. Should he go downstairs or not? 

Screw it, he thought. I’ll go down for a second or so and see if I still make him nervous. Besides, he really needed to see Robert again. I can always leave again, he reasoned. Quietly he made his way down the stairs and poked his head into the library. Leaning against the far wall Dean lifted his head and glanced at Crowley. Crowley tensed and waited. After everything that had happened he wasn’t sure where things stood between he and Dean. Finally Dean returned to watching the Prophet. Everyone else was focused on Kevin. The Prophet was sitting on the couch holding the tablet and staring intently at it. That had to be a good sign, didn’t it?

“They’re not words exactly. It’s more like, they’re symbols that inspire words,” Kevin stated without looking up.

“Inspire?” Sam asked.

“When I look at it I just ‘know’ what words they mean. The symbols aren’t exactly words but they inspire the words to form in my mind.” Finally Kevin raised his head. When he noticed Crowley he turned to look at him more directly and frowned. “Are you really a demon?”

Crowley winced involuntarily. He had never been ashamed of being a demon before but now the term only served to remind him how much he was unworthy of Robert's love. “Yeah,” he answered uncomfortably.

Kevin inspected him for several moments. “Did you piss off the angel or something?”

Crowley pressed his lips together unsure how to reply to that.

“No,” Robert answered. “He got those injuries from someone else. Now back to the tablet. What’s it say?”

“I need time before I can get it all. It only comes in flashes and I have to focus. If I can take this home-”

“That hunk of rock is not leaving this house and neither are you until you translate it,” Robert growled.

“I can’t stay here. Besides, if I don’t get home soon my mom’s going to kill me.”

“If you leave here you will never make it home. Other angels would sense you and show up to take you away,” Castiel stated. “They’ll also take the tablet as well.”

“We kind of need to know what it says,” Sam chimed in.

“Why?” Kevin asked.

Sam turned to glance over to Robert and Crowley shifted uncomfortably.

“None of your business,” Robert growled.

“I just learned angels and apparently demons are real. I’m not going to translate this until I know why. For all I know you want to wipe out humanity.”

“That was Lucifer,” Dean informed him. “We’re the ones that stopped the apocalypse.”

Kevin turned to stare at Dean. “The apocalypse?”

“Yep. Lucifer, the four horsemen, the end of all humans on the planet, all of it.”

“I think if the apocalypse happened I would have known about it,” Kevin replied skeptically.

“Cause it didn’t happen,” Dean told him. “We stopped it before it could happen. Hell, Sam even spent time in the pit with Lucifer.”

“That’s kind of why we need your help,” Sam broke in. “See, when Crowley pulled me out of the cage he kind of left my soul there.”

Kevin glance from Sam to Crowley. “But you’re a demon. Why would you rescue a human and not try to free the devil?”

“Lucifer may be a fallen angel but he’s still an angel,” Crowley stated. “He would have wiped out demons as well. It was in my better interest _not_ to free him.”

Kevin turned back to Sam. “So, you don’t have a soul?”

“I do now. Crowley went back a second time to retrieve it.”

“Why?” Kevin turned back to Crowley. “I get you not wanting to free someone who would kill you but if you’re a demon why would you help a human?”

Crowley bit his bottom lip.

“I made a deal with him,” Robert said. Kevin turned to face Robert. “I made a deal with him to get Sam out in the first place and then to get Sam’s soul.”

“What did you have to do to get him to agree?”

“Not important,” Robert growled. “What’s important is Crowley got hit with Lucifer’s Grace while he was down there and now he can’t use his powers. Without them he can’t protect himself. We need to find a way to help him.”

“And that’s why we need you to translate the tablet,” Sam finished.

Kevin turned inspecting everyone. Finally he turned back to Crowley. “So,” he said slowly. “You can’t do anything… uh, ‘demonic’ anymore?”

“No,” Crowley huffed crossing his arms.

Kevin turned back to Sam. “And you already have your soul back?”

“Yes,” Sam answered.

Kevin turned to face Castiel. “And you’re an angel?”

“Yes,” Castiel agreed.

“So… Why are we helping him again?” Kevin asked.

“Kid, that was my question,” Dean stated. “But he did get my brother out of Lucifer’s cage and risked his neck a second time to get his soul back. We do kind of owe him.”

“The least we can do is get his powers back so he can protect himself,” Sam interjected.

“Protect himself from what?” Kevin inquired.

“Other demons, maybe hunters if he happens to run across any others,” Sam answered with a shrug.

“Hunters?”

The three hunters shared a look with each other and Crowley sighed. “Hunters like them,” he said nodding his head at the others. “They track down supernatural things and end them. Normally their kind and my kind don’t mix but on occasion our goals aligned and we’ve had to work together.”

“Like when Lucifer escaped the cage,” Sam said. “Crowley helped us get him back into the cage and stop the apocalypse.”

“So we need you to translate the tablet to help us fix Crowley’s powers.”

“You want me to help a demon be able to use demonic powers? What’s to stop him from killing me when I’m done?”

“For fuck’s sake,” Crowley growled. “It’s either you translate that rock or I get tortured. If you translate that stone I won’t have to be tortured anymore. I won’t kill you for sparing me untold days of pain and suffering.”

“Torture?” Kevin whispered, eyes going large.

“I swear to Lucifer, if you pass out on us again I’ll-” 

“Crowley!” Robert shouted.

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” Crowley muttered.

“That’s where you got all those injuries? They’ve been torturing you?”

“Not ‘they’,” Dean growled. “Me, and I’ll have to keep doing it if you don’t translate that glorified rock for us. It’s the only way for us to get the Grace out of him. Until I can manage to wipe out all the Grace Crowley’s powerless. That tablet’s not leaving this house and neither are you until it’s translated.”

Kevin turned and gawked at Dean.

“Damn it, you two,” Robert barked. “I was trying _not_ to terrify the kid!”

“He needs to know why it’s important,” Dean argued. “If it keeps Crowley from being tortured I don’t see what your problem is!”

“Don’t yell at me in my own house boy,” Robert cautioned. 

“We all just need to calm down,” Sam stated rationally. 

Crowley fought not to roll his eyes again. He could have told Sam that wasn’t a good idea right now.

“You stay out of this,” Robert growled, still eying Dean.

Crowley actually did roll his eyes this time. He was going to have to break up this little disagreement. Sighing he took a deep breath and hissed loudly. As expected, Robert’s head turned instantly to face him.

“Crowley?” Robert asked worried.

“It’s fine,” Crowley said making sure to keep his tone just right. “Just hurts a little.” As a demon he didn’t generally have issues with lying but he hated lying to Robert. He supposed it wasn’t technically a lie. He really did still have a lot of pain but there hadn’t been any sharp spike of pain. “Would you mind lying down with me, love?”

“Damn it Crowley,” Robert grumbled. “What did I tell you about outing us?”

“You didn’t really specify beyond not outing us to your boys who, by the way, already know.”

“I also told you our relationship only our business.”

“Sorry love,” Crowley said tilting his head and batting his eyelashes at his hunter.

“Stop flirting or I won’t go lay down with you,” Robert sulked.

“So if I stop flirting you _will_ lie down with me?”

“Damn it! Fine but only because you’ll just keep annoying me until I cave in.”

Crowley held out a hand and waited. 

Robert moved to stand in front of Crowley and shook his head. “Damn demon,” Robert muttered before reaching out to take Crowley’s hand. Together they left the library and headed back upstairs.


	16. Chapter 16

“What the hell was that?” Kevin shouted. 

Sam winced. He had completely forgotten about the Prophet during the argument. He turned to face Kevin to try and explain.

“Hunters! He said you were all hunters and he was a demon! Didn’t he just get through saying you normally kill things like him? Wait! If they’re sleeping together then how is he even okay with you torturing him? None of this makes any sense!”

Sam saw Dean flinch subtly at the mention of torture. “It different with them,” Sam tried to explain. “They both care about each other and-”

“How can any of this really be real? Demons and angels don’t really exist. This really is a hallucination isn’t it? I’m just having mental breakdown or something brought on by too much studying. That’s gotta be it. Yeah it’s just too much studying, or stress, or something. That’s all.”

“I assure you it is not,” Cass stated.

“Kevin,” Sam began.

“Nope, I’m not listening. You’re not even here.” There were a few seconds of silence before Kevin bolted for the door. Sam had just enough time to snag a part of the kid’s shirt before Kevin could fully slip past. Wrapping an arm about Kevin’s middle he tried to hold him still while Kevin struggled to get free.

“Little help here Cass?” Sam asked. 

Castiel reached out and touched Sam on the shoulder. Sam felt a slight shifting feeling before he realize Cass had ported them all into Bobby’s panic room. Inspecting the room he finally found Kevin asleep on the cot. Dean stood nearby with his arms crossed. Sam turned to Cass, cocked an eyebrow and waited.

“I figured putting him to sleep would be best for now,” Cass said simply.

Sam sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. “Probably,” Sam admitted. “Come on. We better get back to the others.”

-

Bobby’s head raised and his eyes shot to the door as it opened. Sam, Dean, and Cass walked in and Bobby dropped his eyes back to Crowley. His demon was laying in the bed with his head in Bobby’s lap. Crowley hadn’t looked up or even open his eyes when the three of them entered. Softly he returned to running his fingers through Crowley’s hair. Crowley sighed, shifted slightly and finally settled curling up around Bobby’s waist. Sam shook his head. 

“Where’s the Prophet?” Bobby asked.

“In the panic room. Cass put him to sleep.”

Crowley finally cracked an eye open and Bobby scowled.

“He started to panic again and Cass thought it would be better to put him to sleep temporarily. The panic room was the safest place to leave him until we could discuss everything,” Sam answered with a shrug.

“What’s to discuss? He translates the tablet and then leaves.”

“So rude,” Crowley murmured closing his eyes again. 

“It’s not rude,” Bobby grunted. “It’s just the way it is.”

“Manners Robert,” Crowley tsked. “It would be impolite to shove him straight out the door immediately afterward. At least invite him for tea.”

“He’s not a bloody house guest,” Bobby grumbled.

“You are keeping him here against his will,” Crowley pointed out. “It’s only polite.”

“I don’t care if you invite him to stay for a week,” Dean snapped. “Just so long as he gets that damned stone translated. I swear if it doesn’t help us, though, I’m hunting down Raphael to let him know what I think of his ‘help’.”

“Yeah cause dicking with Archangels always works so well for us,” Sam shot back rolling his eyes at his brother.

“Both of you hush,” Bobby ordered. “Dean, you go see how he got in here in the first place. Sam, go make some tea.”

Dean scowled before turning to stalk out of the room. Sam opened his mouth to say something but Robert glared at him until Sam turned and left as well. When both of them were gone Bobby turned to Cass. “How sure are you he can translate the tablet?”

“He’s a Prophet,” Cass answered simply. 

“And,” Bobby growled.

“He means the kid will be able to do it,” Crowley translated. Opening his eyes he finally sat up and met Cass’ eyes. “He’s just not telling us he's not sure how long it will take. Probably because he doesn’t know and he doesn’t want us to worry.”

“Great,” Bobby grumbled.

-

“We should probably have him call his mother,” Crowley advised.

Robert huffed. “I suppose we should,” he finally acknowledged. “As soon as Cass wakes him we’ll ask him if he wants to call her. Did you find out how he got in?” Robert asked Dean.

“Climbed in through one of the library windows,” Dean informed them.

Crowley nodded distractedly at that revelation and turned to the angel. “Are you planning on waking him soon?” Crowley asked. 

“As soon as everyone was ready. Since he is already sleeping I thought I would wait until everything was settled first.”

“You go wake him up, I’ll go start another pot of tea.”

“You really were serious about asking him to tea?” Robert asked ask Castiel left.

“Of course,” Crowley replied. Turning he gave Robert a light kiss on the cheek. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll bring the tea to the library. There’s not enough room in the kitchen for six people to be comfortable and I fear we’re in for a long discussion.”

Grumbling Robert left and Crowley turned to start the tea. Hopefully the Prophet had calmed down enough to hold a rational discussion. They needed the tablet translated. Crowley paused. Or did they? Even if it would work could he really go through with this? In the beginning it had been about wanting to avoid the torture but now… If he lost the last of the Grace within him he would no longer be able to feel love for his Robert. Could he really live with that?

Stupid, he thought to himself. He wasn’t exactly ‘alive’ in the traditional sense already. He was a demon and what human could love a demon? _Robert_ , his mind answered. Crowley frowned at that thought. Robert told him over and over again he loved him but it was still hard for Crowley to accept it. He didn’t doubt it precisely. He just wondered how long it would last. When would Robert get tired of him? When would Robert stop wanting him to come around? When would Robert send him away? Crowley repressed the urge to growl at that thought. 

He was a demon and demons didn’t live in a world of what if’s. They did what they wanted and took what they wanted, damn it. He shouldn’t be having these doubts. Damned Grace. He should be thrilled to get rid of it. And yet, he wasn’t. Why couldn’t there be some way to fix him that didn’t cost him his love for Robert? As loathed as he was to admit it he actually did understand the reasons. Demons weren’t supposed to love. No matter how you dressed it up being a demon was about suffering. Love as well as a good many other things were denied to demons as a punishment for the choices they’d made that led them to become a demon in the first place. Sighing Crowley turned on the burner and waited for the water to boil.

-

It would be easier to put everything, including two cups of coffee, on some kind of tray than to try and carry everything individually. Because Robert didn’t have a tea tray Crowley settled on a serving platter he found in the back of one of the lower cabinets. It probably hadn’t been used since Robert’s late wife had been alive. That thought gave him pause. Crowley glanced at the tray. Should he use it or not, he wondered. If it belonged to Karen would Robert get angry? 

Sod it, Crowley thought. If he gets angry then so be it, there were bigger things to worry about for now. Picking up the tray Crowley carried everything into the library. As he entered Robert glanced over, his eyes went straight to the platter in Crowley’s hands. Crowley didn’t pause as he moved to set the platter down on the nearest end table. Straightening Crowley met Robert’s eyes and waited. Finally Robert nodded once and turned back to watch the others in the room talking with each other or, more precisely, arguing.

Picking up a cup Crowley started to hand it to Kevin. Without breaking eye contact with Sam who he was talking with Kevin waved a hand dismissively at the cup of tea. Crowley scowled and tried again. Again Kevin waved away the cup. The scowl deepened and Crowley took several deep breaths. Finally Crowley calmed himself, reached over, took Kevin’s hand, and firmly wrapped the Prophets fingers around the handle of the cup. This time it was Kevin’s turn to scowl at Crowley.

“You’re agitated,” Crowley informed him. “Tea helps calm the nerves. Drink it. If you want milk or sugar they’re on the tray, help yourself. I made the tea, you’re more than capable of fixing it to your liking.” 

Not giving Kevin time to protest Crowley turned and fixed two more cups with sugar in both and milk in only one of them. He picked the two cups of coffee and gave one to Robert. He offered the other to Dean but Dean didn’t make a move to take the cup. Crowley set it on a corner of Robert’s desk before returning to the makeshift tea tray. Picking up both cups of tea he handed the one without milk to Sam and went to sit on the far end of the couch. Kevin was staring at him but Crowley ignored him and focused on stirring his tea instead. Holding the spoon against the rim with a finger Crowley took a sip of his tea and finally turned his attention to the others. “So, what are we discussing?” Crowley inquired.

“Tea?” Kevin asked sounding indignant. “After everything you people have told me you want to have a tea party now?”

“Tea is good for soothing frayed nerves,” Crowley responded calmly. “So yes, after everything we’ve told you I think a cup of tea might be just the thing.” Sighing Crowley set his tea down on the side table next to the couch. “Look, I understand what we’re telling you is difficult to believe but what is, is. I _am_ a demon, Castiel _is_ an angel, and you _are_ a prophet. We need assistance to translate the tablet and you’re the only one who can translate it. There’s nothing we can do to change the facts. Best just to accept what is and move forward. I’ve found that tea is amazing for clearing one’s mind and helping to calm one’s nerves. So yes, I think now is the perfect time to sit calmly and have a cup or two.”

For a while Kevin only stared. Crowley waited patiently but Kevin turned and began spooning sugar into his cup. Resisting the urge to smile Crowley picked up his own cup of tea and took a slow sip. Setting the cup down he refocused his attention on the others and waited for the discussion to resume. Sam cleared his throat.

“So the sooner you translate the tablet the sooner this will all be over,” Sam coaxed.

Crowley snorted and Sam turned to him cocking an eyebrow.

“He’s a prophet. It’s never going to ‘end’ for him,” Crowley stated.

“You keep saying I’m a prophet,” Kevin interrupted. “What does that even mean?”

Crowley took another sip of tea, happy that it wasn’t his job to explain to Kevin what being a prophet truly entailed.

“You will occasionally get visions,” Castiel began. “It is your duty as the prophet to record them and write the new gospels.”

“Excuse me?” Kevin asked loudly. “Gospels? Like in the bible?”

“Yes,” Castiel answered.

“Kevin,” Crowley cut in.

“What?” Kevin shouted.

“Take a sip of your tea.”

“Do you realize what he’s saying?”

“Yes, now take a sip of your tea and just listen for a few minutes,” Crowley told him. With a sigh Crowley carefully set his tea back down on the table beside the couch. Taking a few seconds he thought about how best to phrase things. 

“Becoming a demon is a choice,” he finally started. “I don’t believe that anyone who agrees to the terms fully understands what it really means but still, it is a choice. If someone doesn’t willingly agree to sell their soul and willingly sign the contract then the contract would become void. _Demons_ get a choice.”

“Are you trying to say you became a demon on purpose?” Kevin asked.

“No, now hush and listen. The people who end up as demons made a decision that led them down that path. _Prophets_ , on the other hand don’t get a choice in the matter. The people destined to become prophets are chosen before they’re even born. In a sense it was my decision that caused me to become a demon and-”

“Like hell it was,” Robert growled.

“Robert,” Crowley said gently, still holding Kevin’s eyes with his own. “If you could refrain until I’ve finished that would be lovely.”

Robert huffed but didn’t say anything else so Crowley continued. “He is partially right though,” Crowley admitted. “Due to situational circumstances beyond my control I was left with a path where becoming a demon was actually more preferable at the time. However, I did still have a choice. You didn’t have a choice at all. I can understand your frustration but we really could use your help. As Sam has said, the quicker the tablet gets translated the better. Don’t let this encounter jade your opinion of these four. They really are good people and they wouldn’t be doing this if there was any other way. Trust me, they really don’t want to hold you here against your will. I’m asking you, please, translate the tablet so we can all put this behind us?”

Crowley stopped talking and the room remained silent for a long time. _Please let him agree_ , Crowley begged mentally. He didn’t know what he would do if Kevin didn’t agree to translate the tablet for them and they had to revert back to torture. Finally Kevin gave a single nod and turned to the others.

“Okay,” Kevin agreed. “So what’s the plan?”

“First you should call your mother and let her know you’re alright,” Crowley advised. “After that we can figure out what you need to help translate the tablet.”

“A spiral, a pen and a lot of time is probably all I’ll need,” Kevin replied.

Crowley nodded and took another sip of his tea.

-

Standing in the doorway Crowley watched Kevin. The Prophet was sitting at Robert’s desk and attempting to decipher the tablet. When Kevin had started everyone had been in the library and offered suggestions. Eventually Kevin had gotten fed up and ordered everyone out of the library. After several hours Crowley had come downstairs to watch quietly. He looked up as someone approached and noted Dean standing nearby.

“How’s he doing?” Dean asked.

Crowley shrugged. “It’s hard to tell but he’s writing a lot in the notebook so that has to be a good sign, right?”

“Possibly,” Dean answered noncommittally. 

Crossing his arms Dean leaned against the other side of the archway and turned to watch the Prophet work. Neither spoke for several moments. Finally Dean turned to face Crowley.

“I hope this works,” Dean said quietly.

Crowley nodded in agreement. “So do I.”

“I’m going to go outside for a while to work on Baby.”

Crowley nodded again and returned to watching the Prophet.

-

After a few hours Crowley had moved to sit in one of the chairs in the library. Kevin hadn’t even looked up so Crowley figured his presence in the room was fine. For several more hours he relaxed in the chair and watch as Kevin worked. When he heard someone approach the library and stop somewhere behind him Crowley turned to look. Robert stood in the doorway watching them. Crowley gave Robert a small half-smile.

Robert moved until he was behind the chair Crowley was sitting in and wrapped his arms around Crowley. Sighing contentedly Crowley relaxed into the embrace. He really missed quietly cuddling with Robert. Maybe when all of this was over they could spend some time alone together just snuggling quietly. Crowley’s heart sank. When this was over he wasn’t going to be able to feel love for his Robert any longer. If there was anyway to help fix his powers that allowed him to keep access to that feeling he would do it in a heartbeat no matter what kind of suffering he had to endure. 

Kevin straightened, stretched, and yawned. As he stretched his back popped. Looking up Kevin lowered his eyebrows. He stared at Crowley and Robert as if he hadn’t even noticed their arrival. With how intently he had been working on the translation perhaps he hadn’t noticed them until just now.

“About halfway done,” Kevin told them. “I should be able to finish it tomorrow.”

The look on Kevin’s face made Crowley frown. “There’s something you’re not telling us, isn’t there?” he asked.

Kevin fidgeted.

“Tell us,” Robert ordered. 

Kevin fidget for a few more seconds before answering. “The uh, basic gist of the tablet seems to be about ‘curing’ a demon.”

“Curing?” Robert asked flatly.

“I suppose you could say ‘curing’ fits what we want,” Crowley said slowly.

Kevin’s pressed his lips together and began to fidget with the spiral on the desk.

“What?” Crowley asked instantly suspicious.

“I’m not sure that’s what it means,” Kevin answered without looking at them.

“Well what does it mean?” Robert asked.

“It seems to be about, um…” Kevin muttered something so quiet Crowley couldn’t hear the words.

“What was that?” Robert growled.

Sighing Kevin stopped picking at the spiral and looked up to them. “It’s about how to close the gates of hell for good,” he replied bluntly.

Crowley blinked several times trying to process that. Close hell. For good. He tried to understand what that entailed.

“How does closing hell for good help cure a demon?” Robert asked.

Crowley returned his attention to the Prophet and waited anxiously.

“I don’t know. It’s the third and final step. I haven’t translated that part completely yet. So far as I can tell it means you have to undemon-ify a demon.”

“That’s not possible,” Crowley argued.

Kevin shrugged but didn’t answer.

“No, it’s not possible,” Crowley maintained. "If it were possible I would have found the way to do it already.”

Kevin shrugged once again. “I told you I haven’t translated that part yet,” Kevin answered quietly.

Crowley crossed his arms and scowled.

“It might not be that,” Kevin offered.

“But you’re sure it is,” Crowley stated flatly.

“I’m not sure of anything anymore. I just found out supernatural creatures were real.”

Crowley nodded woodenly and lost himself in his thoughts.

-

“Robert?”

Bobby turned his head to face the demon lying next to him.

“Can we have sex again tonight?”

Bobby frowned. It wasn’t that he doubted Crowley’s desire to have sex but he could feel there was something more to the request than mere desire. The more he thought about the more he realized Crowley had been acting strangely for the last few days. While Crowley had always been a very touchy-feely person he was even more clingy than usual lately. “Crowley?”

“Yes?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Besides me not being able to use my powers,” Crowley snapped, turning his head away and sulking.

“Yes,” Bobby agreed. “Besides that. I know you Crowley. Something else is worrying you. What’s up?”

“It’s nothing,” Crowley muttered, still glaring at the far wall.

“I haven’t forced you to talk about anything before and I’m not going start now so don’t you start lying to me,” Bobby grumped.

Some of the tension left Crowley’s shoulders but he still didn’t turn back to face Bobby.

“If you don’t want to talk about that’s fine but don’t lie to me baby.”

After a few seconds Crowley sighed loudly and moved to lay on his back. Staring at the ceiling he finally spoke. “I don’t _want_ to talk about it,” Crowley admitted softly.

“Okay then,” Bobby told him.

“No. You’re not understanding,” Crowley stated.

Bobby waited for Crowley to continue.

“I don’t _want_ to talk about it but maybe I should.”

Frowning Bobby remained silent, opting to continue to wait instead of pressing.

“I…” Crowley paused for a moment before starting again. “Ever since I was struck with Lucifer’s Grace I’ve felt something I can’t remember feeling before.”

Bobby lowered his brows in confusion trying to understand what Crowley was saying.

“Love,” Crowley whispered. “I finally was able to feel… love.”

Silence reverberated throughout the room. Bobby had no clue how to respond to that news. “You haven’t felt love before?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

Crowley shook his head. “My mother never hid the fact that she didn’t care for me. I never knew my father. After my mother left…” After a short pause Crowley began again. “After that I still didn’t find anyone I could love. When I became a demon I lost the ability to ever feel love. But then…” Crowley trailed off.

“But then you absorbed Lucifer’s Grace,” Bobby prompted. Crowley nodded. “And it caused you to start loving me?”

Crowley lowered his brows as he seemed to contemplate that. “No. At least, I don’t think so. I think if I had been able to feel it I before that I would have. I’m pretty sure I would have already been in love with you before that but I just couldn’t feel it.”

“Okay,” Bobby drawled slowly. 

“The, uh, the more of the Grace we get rid of the harder it is for me to keep ahold of how much I care for you.”

Bobby took time to contemplate what that meant before responding. “So, what you’re saying is, if you were to be fully cured…” 

“I would lose my ability to feel love completely,” Crowley confirmed sounding miserable.

The pain in Crowley’s voice pulled at Bobby’s heart. Without a word Bobby slipped an arm over Crowley and pulled the demon closer. Though no tears fell he could feel Crowley trembling against him. Shaking his head Robert wrapped his other arm around Crowley and held him tightly. 

“I’ve got you baby and I’m not going anywhere. Promise.”

Crowley nodded silently and let Bobby comfort him. Bobby started rocking Crowley trying to soothe him while also trying to process what this meant. For the first time in his life Crowley was able to feel love. If they didn’t get rid of the Grace then Crowley wouldn’t be able to protect himself. If they did get rid of the Grace Crowley would lose the ability to feel love. Was it really worth it to restore his powers?

“I just…” Crowley began.

“Yeah baby?”

“I wanted to be with you as much as I could before that happened. I wanted to be able to build up as many memories as possible. Just in case,” Crowley said quietly.

“Yeah baby,” Robert agreed. “If that’s what you really want then we can have sex.”

Without speaking Crowley nodded.

“Alright baby. Lay still for now and let me take care of you.”

Crowley nodded again and Bobby felt Crowley relax. Sitting up Bobby reached down and began unbuttoning Crowley’s shirt. Crowley’s eyes slid closed. His baby looked so sad it hurt Bobby’s heart. If he ever doubted how much Crowley actually cared those doubts were banished in that instant. When the buttons were all undone Bobby carefully laid open the shirt. Reaching down he put his arms under Crowley’s shoulders and helped him to sit up before finally removing the dress shirt. While he had Crowley sitting up he also removed the undershirt before helping Crowley lie back down.

Crowley let out a soft moan and shifted slightly before settling. Robert moved lower and unbuttoned Crowley’s slacks. As he lowered them Crowley raised his hips. When he finally had the pants off Robert started to fold them but Crowley put a hand on Bobby’s arm. When Bobby lifted his head to look at him Crowley shook his head.

“It’s not important,” Crowley told him. “Please? I need you.”

Bobby nodded and tossed the slacks at a chair near the bed. Reaching up Bobby lightly ran his fingers down Crowley’s sides until he reached the boxers Crowley wore. As he slipped his fingers into the waistband Crowley’s eyes slid shut once again. Slowly Bobby tugged the boxers down and slipped them off of Crowley. Leaning sideways he opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube. He moved until he was between Crowley’s legs and lubed his first finger. Reaching down he slowly ran a finger over Crowley’s hole. Crowley shivered slightly and let out a soft moan.

“Yes,” Crowley whispered. “Yes, please.”

“I’ve got you baby. I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere,” Bobby whispered before slowly pressing his finger inside. Crowley let out a low groan and arched his back, pressing down onto the finger inside of him. “That’s it baby,” Bobby said encouragingly. “Just relax and let me take care of you.”

Crowley nodded frantically still pressing down on Bobby’s finger. Carefully Bobby put his other hand flat on Crowley’s stomach and gently pressed down. Crowley let out a soft whine but finally relaxed back onto the bed. Slowly Bobby began moving his finger. The noises Crowley made brought a smile to Bobby’s face. He loved it when Crowley was able to relinquish control and let him take charge. 

“Robert,” Crowley moaned. “I… I…” 

Crowley gave a low growl and Bobby gave his demon a sad smile. Crowley might not be able to say the words but Bobby still understood what he was trying to say. “I know baby,” Bobby assured him. “I love you too.”

Still with his eyes closed Crowley nodded.

Bobby lubed his middle finger and carefully slipped it inside with his index. Letting out another moan Crowley began rocking slowly. Carefully Bobby stretched his demon with just the two fingers until Crowley begged for a third. Lubing his ring finger he inserted it just as conscientiously as he had the first two.

“Robert,” Crowley moaned. “Please, Robert. I need you.”

“Soon baby. Soon.”

After another minute of stretching Bobby withdrew his fingers and began to lube himself.

“Please Robert,” Crowley begged.

“Sh baby, I’ve got you.” Reaching down he placed his hands under Crowley’s thighs and lifted them slowly. Crowley wrapped his legs around Bobby’s waist and locked his ankles behind Bobby’s back. Lining up with Crowley’s entrance he shifted forward just enough for the head to enter and waited. Crowley arched his back and shifted until he had managed to finally slide all of Bobby inside of him.

“Gods yes. Move. Please,” Crowley begged.

Bobby slid back slowly drawing himself out almost all the way before slowly sliding forward once again. This time when Crowley moaned Bobby moaned with him. He did his best to keep things as slow as possible for as long as possible. If Crowley was using this time to make memories for later Bobby was determined to make it as good of a memory as possible.

-

After they finished Crowley moved and snuggled back into Bobby’s chest. Bobby gently put an arm over his demon and held him. After only a few seconds he felt Crowley begin to shake softly. Sighing Bobby tightened his hold and nuzzled the back of Crowley’s neck. Crowley only shook harder. Bobby sighed again and kissed the back of Crowley’s neck.

“Sh baby, it’ll be alright.”

Crowley shook his head but didn’t otherwise answer. Silent tears streaked down Crowley’s face and Bobby’s heart broke. Demon or not nobody should have had to go through half of what Crowley had been through in his lifetime. Bobby whispered what he hoped were reassuring things to his demon. After a long time Crowley finally calmed. Turning onto his other side Crowley wrapped his arms around Bobby and curled up against his chest. After a few minutes, still snuggled firmly against Bobby’s chest Crowley drifted into sleep. Bobby curled up protectively around his demon and let himself fall asleep as well.

-

“What do you mean unusable?” Dean growled.

“If the point of using the tablet is to help set Crowley’s powers back to right then it _is_ unusable,” Kevin maintained. “The third trial _would_ get rid of the Grace but that’s because it’d get rid of _everything_ ,” Kevin explained. “He’d still be powerless.”

“You’re absolutely sure?”

“Positive. I don’t know you guys. For all I know you’d kill me for giving you bad news but I’m still telling you this. That has to count for something.”

“You said you couldn’t finish translating this until later today.”

“Not couldn’t, wouldn’t. I thought I should get some sleep and then work on it some more but when I laid down all I could see was the tablet. I stayed up all night translating it. I’m positive there’s no way to complete the third trial that would allow him to keep his powers,” Kevin insisted.

“Damn it!” They’d been counting on the tablet being able to help them. How the hell was he supposed to break this Bobby and Sam? The stupid Archangel had promised them… Dean paused. Raphael had promised them the tablet could help but he hadn’t said how. It would be just like the angel to think taking Crowley’s powers away would be helping him. He heard movement coming from another room on the ground floor and realized one of the others had to be awake. He was going to have to figure out what to tell them and soon.

“You’re positive you translated it right?” Dean asked.

“Positive,” Kevin affirmed.

“And you translated everything? I mean, there’s not like any side notes or something?”

“Positive,” Kevin repeated.

“Damn it. Okay, you don’t say anything. Let me be the one to tell them,” Dean ordered.

Kevin nodded.

-

Blinking several times Bobby winced against the sunlight filtering through the curtains. It was brighter than when he normally woke. As he tried to discern what time it was he felt Crowley shift against him. Suddenly the time didn’t matter. The Prophet would finish translating the tablet today and they would be able to right Crowley’s powers. Then what, Robert pondered. Would Crowley leave immediately after? Suddenly Crowley inhaled sharply and Bobby felt Crowley’s muscles tense. Slowly he lifted his arm, letting Crowley know he wasn’t trapped. Crowley reached up and grabbed the arm dragging it back down over himself.

“Morning,” Bobby whispered.

Crowley didn’t respond.

“Baby?”

“‘S fine,” Crowley muttered. “Just don’t feel like talking.”

“Okay baby, that’s fine. You don’t have to talk just let me know if you’re okay please.”

Crowley gripped onto Bobby’s arm more tightly and nodded.

“That’s all I needed to know baby. We’re just going to snuggle for a while if you don’t mind. Okay?”

Again Crowley nodded silently.

They lay together for almost an hour before Crowley loosened his grip on Bobby’s arm and gave it a couple of soft pats. Bobby lifted his arm and waited. Crowley turned to lay on his back and drew Bobby’s arm back down over him.

“I think… I think I’m ready for tea now,” Crowley said, not looking over to Bobby.

“Okay baby, whenever you’re ready.”

“Now?”

“Sure baby.”

Bobby waited. It was still several seconds before Crowley finally released Bobby’s arm and sat up. Sitting up Bobby got out of bed and gathered Crowley’s clothing first. Handing everything to Crowley Bobby moved to find clothes for himself next. When they were both finally dressed they left the bedroom and headed downstairs.


	17. Chapter 17

Crowley sat on the end of the couch blinking disbelievingly. One hand holding onto one of Robert’s hand Crowley tried to process what Dean was saying. The tablet would actually help get rid of the Grace but would also leave him as powerless as he was already. _What else did you expect_ , his mind asked. Crowley was too numb to even argue with that thought. Not only would using the tablet leave him unable to feel love he wouldn’t even get his powers back. He should have realized something like this would happen. 

“What the hell?” Robert snarled angrily. “So basically it’s useless?”

“It would get rid of the Grace,” Kevin offered.

“And _still_ leave Crowley powerless!” Robert shouted.

“Robert,” Crowley whispered.

“What kind of ‘help’ is that?” Robert growled. “How exactly is leaving Crowley defenseless helpful?!”

“Robert,” Crowley repeated.

“What?” Robert snapped.

“Raphael never promised it would help me,” Crowley reminded him. “He only promised it would help get rid of the Grace. He was telling the truth about that much of it.”

“I don’t care if ninety-nine percent of everything he said was true. He let us believe that this would help you!”

“It will in a sense,” Crowley stated quietly.

“Not if it still leaves you powerless,” Robert argued.

Crowley dropped his eyes and shrugged.

“Wait,” Sam interrupted. “What about the rest of the tablet? What does it say?”

This time it was Kevin who shrugged. “It’s, uh, about closing the gates of hell.”

Crowley frowned at that as his mind worked.

“What does that mean exactly?” Sam asked.

“As far as I can tell it means demons would be trapped in hell and unable to leave,” Kevin answered.

“So,” Crowley said slowly, “if we complete the trials then we won’t have to worry about demons bothering _any_ of us?”

“Something like that,” Kevin muttered.

“Not happening,” Dean argued. “We’re supposed to be getting your powers back not rendering you defenseless.”

“Exactly,” Robert agreed.

Crowley didn’t answer.

“Wait a minute,” Sam cut in again. “If we can keep all demons from being able to-”

“We are _not_ sacrificing Crowley’s safety,” Robert growled.

“I accept,” Crowley whispered.

“No,” Robert disagreed.

“Yes,” Crowley stated.

“No Crowley. If-”

“Yes Robert. If we do this you and your boys will be safer.”

“But you won’t be able to defend yourself ever again.”

“But I won’t have as much need to defend myself. Demons won’t be able to leave hell so we don’t have to worry about them anymore.”

“No Crowley.”

“Yes Robert.”

“I can’t let you-”

“It’s not your call to make,” Crowley argued, his voice raising. “I don’t need anyone’s help to protect myself, I’ve been doing it my whole life!”

“You shouldn’t have had to!” Robert shouted back

“It’s too late for should haves! The fact of the matter is that I can take care of _myself_. I cannot ensure that _you’re_ safe!”

“I can take care of myself,” Robert yelled.

“But you think I can’t take care of myself, is that it?” Crowley shot back.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Robert growled.

“It’s my choice to make!”

“Guys,” Kevin tried to break in. 

Both Crowley and Robert ignored him and continued glaring at each other.

“Guys,” Kevin tried again.

“What?” Robert growled, still holding Crowley’s glare with one of his own.

“This isn’t helpful. I think we should all calm down and discuss this rationally.”

“What’s rational about Crowley wanting to sacrifice his ability to protect himself?” Robert asked angrily.

“You act like my demonic powers are the only thing I have at my disposal,” Crowley argued. “I’m also witchborn, remember?”

“That doesn’t mean-” Robert began.

Crowley growled and cut him off before he could continue. “I can take care of myself. I need to know that you’re protected!”

Nothing changed for several moments. Suddenly Robert’s face softened. “Crowley,” Robert whispered. “I just…”

“I know,” Crowley whispered back. “Robert? Are you…”

“No baby, I’m not mad at you.”

“Can I… Can we…” Unable to continue Crowley gave up asking and scooted sideways snuggling against his Robert. When Robert slipped an arm around him Crowley finally let himself relax against Robert’s side. “Thanks,” Crowley said quietly.

“Anytime,” Robert assured him.

Everyone remained silent. Crowley took the time ponder the things the Prophet had revealed. ‘Curing’ him would leave him powerless. Could he accept that? Suddenly he was struck by a thought; something else Kevin had said. He raised his head too fast and accidentally smacked into Robert’s chin. Crowley hissed in pain and Robert cursed.

“Sorry,” Crowley muttered, rubbing the back of his head. “Kevin what did you mean by ‘undemon-ify’?”

“I don’t know how else to put it. The tablet seems to suggest that curing a demon turns them human again but I can’t be positive,” Kevin said uncomfortably.

“I’ll do it,” Crowley stated instantly.

“Whoa,” Robert began.

“No,” Crowley said, shaking his head. “I have to do this, don’t you see? It’s the best option for us.”

Everyone in the room glanced around at each other. No one spoke. Crowley rolled his eyes and sat forward on the edge of the couch.

“Don’t you see? It’s the best option we have. We can close the gates, trap demons in hell, get rid of the Grace inside of me.”

“But then won’t you get trapped in hell as well,” Sam asked.

“Does it matter?” Crowley asked. “Without the Grace blocking my powers I’ll be able to protect myself once again.”

“And I’ll never be able to see you ever again,” Robert said quietly.

Crowley bit his lower lip and didn’t answer. This was the best option, he just had to convince the others. Still, never being able to see Robert again… “I have to do this love,” he whispered. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” Robert stated.

“I don’t want to lose you either,” Crowley admitted. “This is just something I have to do, okay?”

“You don’t have to,” Robert disagreed.

“I do. As much as you want to keep me safe I need to keep you safe. I appreciate everything Robert. I would never have known…” Crowley cleared his throat. He still couldn’t force himself to say the word no matter how much he meant it. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me since we’ve been together more than I’ll ever be able to express but this is something I have to do Robert. It’s about more than just you and I. Doing this will help keep all humans safe.” He paused for a few seconds. “It’ll help keep your boys safe,” he finished quietly.

“I can’t talk you out of this can I?” Robert asked.

“No,” Crowley said sadly.

-  
The Next Day  
-

Crowley studied the altar making sure it was set up correctly. Everything looked exactly like it should. So far so good, Crowley told himself. Without being able to use his powers to call for a hellhound they would have to summon one. Hopefully the others were prepared. Taking the knife Crowley drew it across his palm making a deep cut. Holding his hand over the bowl Crowley began chanting as he curled his cut hand into a fist. The cut stung but Crowley ignored it. When the chant was finished Crowley tensed, ready to defend himself if necessary.

A loud growl sounded behind him and Crowley tensed. The familiar demonic feeling of a hellhound prickled the hairs on the back of his neck. He recognized the feeling of this particular hellhound and his heart sank. Of course it would be this one, he thought. Untensing Crowley turned around and eyed his baby sadly. ‘I’m sorry,’ he mouthed. She cocked her head and watched him curiously. She didn’t stand a chance as Dean stepped out of the shadows and slit her throat. 

The look of confusion in her eyes as she stumbled forward broke his heart. Instead of even turning to defend herself she kept trying to make her way over to him. Crowley shook his head slowly. ‘No,’ he mouthed. ‘Stay.’ Pausing she continued to stare at him in confusion. A sad whine issued from her throat and a tear slid down Crowley’s cheek. Stumbling forward another step she finally fell to the ground. Out of all the hellhounds inhabiting hell this was the one Crowley had actually bonded with. It was just his luck that she was one that had showed. There was no way he could watch her be killed without stepping in to help her. Dean approached and Crowley turned away from them. 

“Crowley?”

Turning at the sound of Sam’s voice Crowley finally noticed Sam and Robert standing next to him. When Robert held up his arms Crowley rushed into them and let Robert hold him. Out of all the hellhounds that could have shown why did it have to be her? As much as he tried to deny it he knew why it had been her. He should have spent longer thinking about it before they began this. When he cast a summoning spell for a hellhound she would be the first to respond because of the bond between the two of them.

“Juliet,” Crowley whispered.

“What’s that?” Robert asked.

“Her name. Juliet.”

“You knew her?”

Still clinging to Robert Crowley nodded. “I should have realized she would be the one to show up when I summoned a hellhound. I raised her since she was a pup.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Robert told him softly. 

“My fault,” Crowley whispered. Taking a deep breath Crowley steadied himself. Finally he straightened and pulled back out of Robert’s arms. “It’s fine,” Crowley told them. “I’m going inside now to check with Kevin about the second trial. Dean,” Crowley said without looking back to the hunter standing behind him.

“Yeah?”

“Clean up before you come back in please.” Without another word Crowley turned and headed back into the house. He desperately hoped Dean listened and cleaned up before joining them. Crowley wasn’t prepared enough to be able to deal with seeing Dean covered in Juliet’s blood. _Not thinking about that right now, _he told himself. _Focus on the second trial._ As he entered the house Crowley made his way straight to the library but Kevin wasn’t there. __

__Frowning Crowley started to head upstairs when he heard a sound in the kitchen. Altering directions Crowley headed for the kitchen and found Kevin standing near the stove watching the tea kettle. Crowley walked forward and sat down at the table without a word. They were both silent until the kettle boiled. Kevin switched off the stove and placed a coffee mug on the table in front of Crowley. Crowley stared at the mug frowning. Finally he stood and pulled his mug out of the cabinets. The look Kevin gave him caused Crowley to pause temporarily._ _

__“It’s just… this one’s mine,” Crowley said quietly holding the mug Robert had bought him._ _

__Kevin nodded. “I just thought you might want a cup of tea after…”_ _

__“Yeah,” Crowley acknowledged._ _

__“Yeah,” Kevin agreed. “So…” Kevin drawled._ _

__Taking a deep breath Crowley shoved his emotions away. “Okay, what’s step two of the trials?” he asked._ _

__“So the first one’s-”_ _

__“What. Is. The. Second?”_ _

__“Uh, the second trial is to find and rescue an innocent soul from hell and ‘deliver it unto heaven’, Kevin told him._ _

__Crowley nodded trying to think of the easiest one to rescue. Anything to take his mind off of the fact it was his fault Juliet was dead. It wasn’t news to him that there were innocent souls in hell. Truth be told he had taken a few of them there himself. A twinge of guilt shot through him at the memory. “I know of a few that would work.”_ _

__“A few?” Kevin asked._ _

__“Yeah. Never said was proud of it,” Crowley muttered._ _

__-_ _

__Sam and Dean entered the kitchen and Crowley frowned. “Where’s Robert?”_ _

__Sam dropped his eyes to the ground and Dean refused to meet Crowley’s eyes. “Dean, where is Robert?” Dean stalked to the counter, poured himself a cup of coffee and left the kitchen. Crowley turned to Sam. Sam raised his head and finally met Crowley’s eyes._ _

__“Bobby’s still outside. He’s watching over the body while it burns,” Sam said quietly._ _

__Crowley’s frown deepened. He knew they’d have to salt and burn her. That’s just what hunters did when they killed her kind._ _

__“He, uh, he’s burning her on a pyre and will probably be on lookout all night.”_ _

__Crowley was stunned. He turned back to stare at Sam. “Isn’t that what you do for a hunter’s funeral?” he asked._ _

__“Yeah,” Sam answered. “He, uh, told us how much she meant to you and wanted to make sure she had a proper send off.”_ _

__Crowley couldn’t speak._ _

__“It’s why Dean’s a little out of it right now,” Sam added quietly._ _

__“I… I think I’m going to go… outside,” Crowley stumbled._ _

__Sam nodded and moved so Crowley could make his way past._ _

__-_ _

__“What’s a ‘hunter’s funeral’?” Kevin asked._ _

__“Being a hunter you make a lot of enemies,” Sam explained. “We burn their bodies to protect them against other things. That way they don’t raise again as a ghost, no one can raise them as a zombie, and no one can use their body or pieces of it for a spell.”_ _

__“So why burn a hellhound?”_ _

__Sam wet his chapped lips before answering. “Crowley was close to her. He raised her since she was a puppy. Bobby wanted to show respect for her sacrifice so he’s giving her a hunter’s send off.”_ _

__“And Dean doesn’t like it?” Kevin asked._ _

__“It’s not that. It’s just, Dean’s…” Sam swallowed hard and forced himself to continue. “Dean’s not dealing with it very well at the moment. He wanted to use the tablet to keep from having to hurt Crowley again and even using the tablet he still caused Crowley more pain.”_ _

__“Oh,” Kevin said quietly._ _

__Sam nodded silently and checked the kettle._ _

__“Water’s probably cold by now,” Kevin stated softly._ _

__Without a word Sam moved to the sink to refill the kettle. Turning the stove on he put the kettle on a burner to heat. He needed to keep himself busy to keep his mind off of everything for now. If he let himself dwell on everything he didn’t know what would happen._ _

__-_ _

__Not being able to even watch her lifeless body burn on the pyre Crowley stood next to his hunter, holding hands, head resting against Robert’s shoulder. As he stared sideways across the yard neither of them said a word. Occasionally Robert would give his hand a light squeeze and he would return the gesture. It wasn’t until a few hours before sunrise that the flames finally consumed her body. While he didn’t need sleep he knew Robert had to be exhausted._ _

__“You need sleep,” Crowley whispered._ _

__“We need to ask about the second trial,” Robert stated._ _

__“I know what it is and you can’t help with it. Get some rest love, please?”_ _

__“Not without you,” Robert insisted._ _

__He knew exactly how Robert felt. “At least lay down while I talk with Dean. I’ll be up to join you immediately afterwards,” Crowley promised._ _

__Robert nodded and, hand in hand, they started toward the house together. Just before they reached the door to the house Crowley stopped. Robert turned toward him and waited silently. Releasing his hand Crowley stood on his tiptoes and kissed Robert’s cheek. “Thank you. For the send off I mean,” he told Robert._ _

__Robert nodded once, opened the door and entered the house. Crowley followed just behind only pausing long enough to close the door before making his way upstairs. Instead of stopping at the room he shared with Robert Crowley stopped one door past their room. Knocking softly he waited. When there was no response he knocked again. An agitated _“What?”_ sounded through the closed door. Sighing heavily Crowley opened the door and entered._ _

__“Dean?”_ _

__“It’s not my fault,” Dean growled crossing his arms. “You summoned her. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s yours.”_ _

__“It was,” Crowley agreed. “And I don’t blame you for any of it. That’s also not what I came to talk to you about.”_ _

__“What did you want then?” Dean huffed._ _

__“I came to discuss the second trial with you. I,” Crowley broke off and fidgeted for a second or two before continuing. “I also wanted to apologize.”_ _

__“For what?” Dean asked eying Crowley warily._ _

__“The second trial is to rescue an innocent soul from hell and deliver it to heaven.”_ _

__“ _Are_ there innocent souls in hell?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“Let me guess, you’re responsible for them being there,” Dean growled._ _

__“Some of them, yes,” Crowley admitted._ _

__“And you’re apologizing because I know some of them, is that it?”_ _

__“I’m apologizing because what I did was wrong,” Crowley answered quietly. “But yes, you do know at least one of them.”_ _

__“So why shouldn’t I just kill you and be done with everything?”_ _

__“Because it would hurt Robert,” Crowley whispered._ _

__“You sure it’s his feelings you’re worried about and not just saving your own skin?”_ _

__“Yes,” he whispered again. “If it was only myself I was worried about I would have stopped you before you killed Juliet.”_ _

__“Damn it! I refuse to take responsibility for that, Crowley. You summoned her, it wasn’t my fault!”_ _

__“I told you I don’t hold you responsible for that. I accept one hundred percent of the blame for her death.”_ _

__“You should have said something,” Dean growled._ _

__“Why?” Crowley asked miserably._ _

__“We could have done something Crowley. I don’t know, maybe summoned a different one or something. The point is, you should have said something.”_ _

__“Would it have made a difference?”_ _

__“Yes! It damned sure would have.”_ _

__“I made a decision Dean. If anyone’s to blame it’s me. I don’t hold you responsible for her death in the slightest.”_ _

__“You’re seriously not getting it are you?” Dean shouted. “Let me spell it out for you! I hold myself responsible! You should have told me before I killed her! You also shouldn’t have left it up to Bobby to tell me what she meant to you!”_ _

__“Dean!”_ _

__Robert’s shout from behind Crowley startled him and Crowley whirled around._ _

__“That’s enough,” Robert growled._ _

__“He does have a point,” Crowley said. “I don’t apologize for not speaking up sooner but I do apologize for leaving you to explain it,” he told Robert._ _

__“What’s done is done,” Robert stated. “Yelling at each other and arguing about it won’t change anything. None of it was _anyone’s_ fault. Now you,” Robert began, eying Crowley pointedly, “head back to the room. I’ll be there shortly.”_ _

__Crowley wanted to argue but one look at Robert’s face stopped him. Without a word he made his way back to Robert’s bedroom to wait._ _

__._ _

__“I already warned you to stop yelling at Crowley in my house,” Bobby told Dean. “What’s it going to take to get it through your thick skull?”_ _

__“Crowley should have been the one to say something. He shouldn’t have pushed that off on you,” Dean maintained._ _

__“He didn’t push anything off on me. You asked a question and I answered it. It’s as simple as that. I chose to answer you, Crowley didn’t have anything to do with that. I get that you’re having a rough time with all this crap, Dean. Hell, we’re all having a rough time with it, but you are going to stop fighting with Crowley. He’s having just as rough of a time if not worse.”_ _

__“How the hell can it be worse for him? I mean, he’s not even being hurt anymore.”_ _

__“The hell he’s not,” Bobby argued. “Just because you can’t see it don’t mean he ain’t hurtin. He’s just used to hiding it. Something you should be pretty familiar with yourself. At least when this is over you’re still going to have Sam. Who do you think Crowley’s going to have when ends up stuck in hell for helping close the gates? Not to mention how I’m going to feel about never being able to see him again. Did you ever think about that?”_ _

__Bobby seethed as he thought about what would happen when this was over. Sure, he was upset at Dean’s attitude but he also realized he was being too hard on the boy. He needed to calm down but he wasn’t sure if he could. Just the thought of Crowley trapped in hell for the rest of eternity hurt._ _

__“I didn’t mean… It’s just…”_ _

__“It’s just what?” Bobby growled._ _

__“Love?”_ _

__Bobby stiffened at the sound of Crowley’s tentative voice. He turned his head to glance back over his shoulder and spied Crowley standing in the doorway, eyes trained on the floor._ _

__“What’s up?”_ _

__“I can’t sleep without you in the bed,” Crowley told him. “Almost the entire time you were gone I, uh…” Crowley’s eyes flicked upward and focused on Dean briefly before returning to the floor. “I just had trouble sleeping,” Crowley mumbled._ _

__“Yeah baby, I’ll be right there,” Bobby assured him._ _

__“Now please? I really want to spend time with you before-”_ _

__“Crowley,” Bobby huffed._ _

__“Never mind,” Crowley said quietly. “I’ll be fine.”_ _

__“Wait,” Bobby called as Crowley turned to leave._ _

__Walking over to Crowley Bobby put a hand on his cheek. Crowley’s eyes slid closed and he sighed happily. Was he really going to stay here and argue with Dean when Crowley only had a limited amount of time before he would be gone for good?_ _

__“Yeah baby, I’ll come back with you.”_ _

__“Now?” Crowley asked opening his eyes._ _

__“Yeah baby. Now.”_ _

__“Robert?”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“I’m sorry. For everything, you know?”_ _

__“No need to be sorry baby. There’ll be more than enough time for that later. For now let’s go make a few more memories, okay?”_ _

__Crowley smile was more than enough confirmation for Bobby._ _

__-_ _

__Dean watched as Crowley and Bobby left. Walking to the door he watched them enter the room next door before closing his door. He had been so wrapped up maintaining the proper head space needed for torture he hadn’t realized he could finally relax. A part of him didn’t want to let go of the anger required to accomplish what was needed and Dean had to remind himself that torture was no longer needed. Maybe Crowley wasn’t the only one that needed help. He was going to have to let go of the anger before it consumed him._ _

__Checking the time he realized it would be morning soon. He probably should be tired but he wasn’t. Nobody would probably be awake anytime soon since everyone just recently went to bed but Dean couldn’t stand just sitting in the room any longer. Instead of closing the door and laying back down he made his way down to the kitchen. He was surprised to find Sam and the Prophet already sitting at the table._ _

__“Hey,” Sam greeted._ _

__Dean grunted an acknowledgement and went to pour himself a cup of coffee. Sitting down at the table he looked left and watched as Kevin studied the tablet. “Thought you were done translating that thing,” Dean said._ _

__Kevin glanced up and blinked several times. “Huh?”_ _

__“Said I thought you were done with that thing.”_ _

__“I am. I mean was. I was just, I don’t know, double checking. I wanted to see if maybe there was something I missed.”_ _

__“That likely?”_ _

__“Not really.” Sighing Kevin put down the pen he was using and took a long drink of his coffee. When he set the cup back on the table he made a face._ _

__“Cold again?” Sam asked._ _

__“Yeah,” Kevin confirmed. Taking the cup Sam stood and left the table to dump it and refill it with hot coffee. Kevin turned back to Dean. “I’m fairly certain there isn’t anything I missed I just wanted to double check, you know?”_ _

__“Yeah. Did you miss anything?”_ _

__Kevin shook his head as Sam placed the cup in front of him and sat back down._ _

__“Nope. I was just, you know, hoping. I thought, maybe if I missed something there would be some way we could keep Crowley from being trapped in hell. No luck though,” Kevin said as he pushed the spiral notebook away._ _

__“It was a nice thought though,” Sam told him._ _

__“Yeah well, it still doesn’t help us.”_ _

__“You gave it your best effort, that’s what counts.”_ _

__“I wish I could do something. I kind of feel responsible, like it’s my fault.”_ _

__“How’s that?” Dean asked._ _

__“If I hadn’t translated the tablet they wouldn’t be in this situation,” Kevin answered._ _

__“The tablet says what it says man. Nothing about that’s your fault,” Dean told Kevin._ _

__“I guess,” Kevin muttered._ _

__For a while the three sat in silence. Finally Kevin yawned and excused himself to get some sleep. Dean looked over at his brother and Sam shrugged. Rolling his eyes Dean returned to drinking his coffee and thinking._ _

__-_ _

__Bobby woke up feeling like something wasn’t right. No matter how hard he thought about it he couldn’t place the cause of the feeling. Shrugging off the sensation he opened his eyes and frowned. Crowley wasn’t in bed with him anymore. Lifting his head slightly he found Crowley sitting at the desk holding a picture frame. He didn’t have to ask. He knew which picture Crowley was holding. Sighing he shoved the covers off and got out of bed._ _

__Crowley didn’t even glance up as Bobby approached. Without a word Bobby walked up behind Crowley and wrapped his arms around his demon. Looking down he inspected the picture Crowley was holding. Suddenly Bobby realized it was the only picture they had of the two of them. Should he keep it or let Crowley have it?_ _

__“Crowley?”_ _

__“Hm?” Crowley hummed._ _

__“Do you want to keep the picture?”_ _

__Crowley didn’t respond, he merely ran a thumb lightly over the frame._ _

__“Baby?”_ _

__“Yeah, no. I mean, you keep it.”_ _

__“You sure?” Bobby asked._ _

__“I’d like you to keep the picture,” Crowley replied softly. “I will never forget you and I’d like to make sure you you always remember me.”_ _

__“Trust me baby, I’ll never forget you either.” Bobby reached down and gently took the photo out of Crowley’s hands. Lifting it he inspected the picture. It _was_ actually a good picture of both of them. Reaching down he put it back into Crowley’s hands. “You keep it,” he said._ _

__Crowley turned and look back at Bobby. “I want to know that you won’t forget me when I’m gone,” Crowley reiterated._ _

__“Trust me baby, I’m never going to forget you. Besides, I’ll eventually die. When the gates of hell are closed you’ll be stuck down there forever. You need it more than me.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Crowley told him._ _

__“You’re welcome baby. You ready to go downstairs?”_ _

__Crowley gave a weak smile and shook his head slightly. “No but I suppose we should go down soon.”_ _

__“Not until you’re ready,” Bobby insisted._ _

__“I’m not going to get any more ready the longer we wait. We might as well go down.”_ _

__-_ _

__As they entered the kitchen they found Sam flipping through a spiral notebook. He was the only person in the kitchen. Crowley spotted the kettle on the table and snagged it. Checking the temperature he noted it was cold. Crowley poured the contents into the sink and refilled the kettle with fresh water. Placing it on the stove he turned on the burner and sat down at the table next to Robert. They shared a smile for several seconds before Robert turned to Sam._ _

__“That the Prophet’s notebook?” Robert asked._ _

__Sam looked up and nodded. “Yeah,” Sam affirmed, setting down the notebook. “Kevin stayed up trying to see if there was anything he missed. He was trying to find a way to keep Crowley from being stuck in hell when the gates closed.”_ _

__Crowley was hit with a wave of gratitude. Kevin didn’t owe him anything. In fact it was partially Crowley’s fault the kid was even in this situation. Kevin had every right to dislike him for getting him caught up in this mess and yet he had spent the night trying to help Crowley. He owed the Prophet a debt he was never going to be able to repay._ _

__“Did he find anything useful?” Robert asked._ _

__“Sadly no,” Sam told them. “I was glancing through the notebook trying to see if a pair of fresh eyes might find something he missed.”_ _

__“But you haven’t,” Crowley stated knowingly._ _

__“No,” Sam agreed._ _

__Crowley nodded absently._ _

__“So, the second trial?” Robert asked just as the kettle began to whistle._ _

__Sighing heavily Crowley stood and retrieved the kettle. “The second trial is to free and innocent soul from hell and deliver it to heaven.”_ _

__Robert leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “There’s innocent souls in hell?”__

“Yeah,” Crowley revealed. “And yes, some are those I’ve put there.”

__“Okay. Well, now’s the time to make it right. How do we get into hell?”_ _

__“It won’t matter,” Crowley sighed. “I can tell Dean how to get into hell and find one but we can’t help Dean with the trial. No matter how much we hate it we’re going to have to stay here while he does this on his own.”_ _

__“Can’t you go down there with him just to-”_ _

__“Sam,” Robert snapped._ _

__“It’s fine,” Crowley assured Robert before turning back to Sam. “No. It’s more than just my being powerless. The trials are more ancient than anything I’ve come across before. I fear to alter any aspect of them in case it causes them not to work. Magic can be a funny thing. It’s best not to alter any aspect of it if it can be helped.”_ _

__“So you’re not going to help him at all?” Sam questioned._ _

__“I’ll give him as much information as possible but that’s all I can do, Sam. Accompanying him might be too much interference. We can’t risk it.”_ _

__“So we’re just going to send Dean to hell without any way to protect himself,” Sam spat._ _

__“Damn it Sam-” Robert began._ _

__“No Robert,” Crowley interrupted. “He has every right to be worried about his brother. I would be worried if I were him.”_ _

__“Neither of you need to be worrying about me.”_ _

__Dean’s voice sounded from just behind him and Crowley turned._ _

__“I’ll be fine Sam and Crowley’s right. If we screw this up then everything so far will have been for nothing. We can’t take that chance. Crowley’s right, I have to do this alone.”_ _


	18. Chapter 18

On the couch, snuggled against Robert’s side, Crowley fidgeted as they waited. Sam had gone with Castiel to wait for Dean’s return leaving Crowley, Robert and Kevin at the house waiting for any information. Crowley snuggled against Robert, Robert lightly rubbed a hand up and down one of Crowley’s arms and Kevin glared at his notebook. The three of them waited in silence, hoping to receive news soon. It was already several hours past time when they should have received word.

“Why?” Kevin asked suddenly.

Crowley blinked in confusion. “Why what?” he asked Kevin.

“If a person wants to sell their soul okay, but what do you get from taking souls to hell that don’t belong there?”

“Power,” Crowley said quietly. “Souls are power. The more souls you have access to the more power you have at your disposal.”

“So basically you imprisoned people in hell who don’t belong there just for power?”

Crowley shrugged halfheartedly. “I’m a demon.”

“But you admitted you knew it was wrong. So if you knew it was wrong then why-”

“Because I’m a demon,” Crowley interrupted, raising his voice. “Hunters are the ‘good guys’, not demons. Demons don’t worry about right or wrong, good or bad. Don’t try to appeal to our conscious. Demons don’t have one.”

“You do have one,” Kevin argued.

“Whatever,” Crowley muttered.

“If you didn’t have one you wouldn’t know what you did was wrong,” Kevin stated simply.

Crowley opened his mouth to argue but just then heard the sound of the impala’s engine pulling up the driveway. The three of them stood and rushed to the door. Crowley got there first and flung open the door. Sam, Dean, and Castiel were just getting out of the car and Crowley breathed a sigh of relief. All of them had made it back.

Crowley was just starting to think it couldn’t have gone too badly if they all made it back when Dean stumbled slightly. Sam reached out to help Dean steady himself but Dean shoved his brother’s hand away. Crowley frowned. Maybe it hadn’t gone as smoothly as he had assumed at first. As if by mutual agreement no one said a word as the other three entered. The group made their way silently to the library. Kevin returned to sitting at Robert’s desk. Sam and Dean sat on the couch with Castiel standing nearby. Robert and Crowley sat in the two chairs positioned in front of Robert’s desk. Crowley watched Dean carefully trying to figure out what was wrong with the older Winchester.

“So the second trial,” Robert began.

“Finished,” Sam answered distractedly.

“Sam, what’s wrong with Dean?” Crowley asked.

Sam didn’t respond so Crowley asked again. “What’s wrong with Dean?” Crowley demanded.

“It’s the trials,” Castiel told him. “They’re taking a toll on him. I am leaving soon to discuss it with Raphael.” 

“What exactly do you mean by ‘taking a toll’?” Crowley asked.

“It will take a large amount of energy to close the gates of hell. It seems that the energy is created by performing the trials and stored within the person’s body until it’s needed for closing the gates. The energy is not very compatible with human physiology. Holding it inside until it’s time to release it is taking a toll on Dean’s body.”

“Then we should begin the third trial immediately,” Crowley insisted.

There was a loud clattering sound and Crowley turned immediately to look. Kevin had knocked over a cup of pens and several had fallen to the floor. Kevin hurriedly scrambled to collect them and put them back into the cup. Crowley got the distinct impression Kevin’s sudden klutziness was a direct result of the mention of the third trial. 

“Kevin, what is the third trial?”

Kevin continued collecting the pens but his muscles seemed to tense up when Crowley mentioned the trial. 

“Answer the question Kevin,” Crowley stated flatly.

Kevin’s hands stilled but he remained staring at the pens in his hand. “The third and final trial is curing a demon. After that the gate can be closed and theoretically all demons would be trapped in hell.”

“Theoretically?” Sam asked.

Kevin, still not looking up, shrugged. “It’s only my second day knowing that supernatural creatures really do exist. As far as I know that’s all there is to it.”

“So, uh, how do we go about curing a demon?” Sam asked nervously. 

Robert growled.

“I’ve written out the instructions as they are written on the tablet.” Kevin finally looked up and met Crowley’s eyes. “Sorry about this. I get the impression it’s not going to be pleasant.”

“Nothing in my life has been pleasant, why should this be any different?” Crowley grumbled. Finally he turned to Dean. “Whenever you’re ready let me know.”

“May as well get it over with,” Dean huffed.

“You need rest,” Sam disagreed.

“I need to finish this Dean argued.

“You can’t perform the trial here,” Kevin broke in. “It has to be performed on consecrated ground and you have to purify your blood through holy confession. You’re going to have to inject the demon with purified blood every hour for eight hours before you can recite the incantation.”

“Confession,” Dean stated blandly. “Great.”

Again, Kevin shrugged. “I don’t make the rules, I just translate them.”

“Fine,” Dean consented. “Come on Crowley, let’s go.”

Crowley started to stand but Robert gripped his arm. When he looked down Robert shook his head and motioned for Crowley to stay seated. Crowley stayed where he was waiting to see what it was Robert wanted.

“Tomorrow is soon enough,” Robert told him. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can before the trial. Besides, if the trial really is going to take that long then Sam’s right. Dean probably should get some rest before then. If I’m going to lose you forever then I want to spend as much time as I can with you before then.”

“I will also need time to talk with Raphael about the consequences of the trials,” Castiel added. “I have no idea how long it will take.”

“Fine, we’ll wait until tomorrow,” Dean consented. “But if you’re not back before we leave we’re still doing this,” he told Castiel.

Castiel gave a sharp nod before porting away.

.

“I’m curious about something,” Kevin spoke up just as Cass left.

“What about?” Sam asked curious.

“I was thinking. If we cure Crowley and it undemon-ifies him…”

“Yes?” Sam prompted.

“Then he’ll be human.” Kevin stared at them as if the meaning should be obvious.

Sam took time to process the words but remained confused. “And?”

“And we’re closing the gates of hell to trap demons,” Kevin stated.

“And?” Bobby asked leaning forward slightly.

“And I’ll be human,” Crowley said slowly.

Sam frowned at the tone in Crowley’s voice. It sounded like the demon understood whatever point Kevin was trying to get across. Suddenly the answer struck Sam. “We’ll I’ll be damned,” he whispered. “Human,” Sam repeated. “As in not a demon.”

“As in I won’t be trapped behind the gates with the other demons,” Crowley continued.

“Wait,” Bobby broke in. “So after we cure you…”

“I’ll be human,” Crowley told him. “I won’t be trapped with the other demons. I’ll be able to stay topside.”

“With me,” Bobby whispered.

“With you,” Crowley confirmed.

Crowley and Bobby shared a look before they burst into matching grins. Crowley twisted at the waist and wrapped his arms around Bobby. Bobby’s arms wrapped around Crowley and the two held each other tightly. As the two leaned in to kiss Kevin turned away to give them privacy and Sam smiled as he did the same. Sam gave them a few seconds before clearing his throat to get their attention.

“You can wait,” Bobby grumped.

“No,” Crowley disagreed. “If I get to keep you for… well, however long we live, then he’s right. We should get ready for the final trial.”

“That’s what I was saying,” Dean huffed.

“We’ll have the rest of our lives Robert. The quicker we get this done the better,” Crowley told them. “Ready Dean?”

“I’ve been ready,” Dean grumbled.

“Right, let’s go,” Crowley said standing.

“Hold up,” Bobby interjected. “I’m going with you two.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” Crowley disagreed.

“I don’t see that it’ll matter. As long as they don’t enter or do anything to interfere with the trial I think it’ll be alright,” Kevin stated with a shrug.

After a few glances between each other the five of them, Crowley and Bobby still holding hands, got up and began to get ready. Sam shook his head. Even knowing the third trial was supposed to cure a demon they had still be thinking of him as a demon. Until this moment he hadn’t realized how much he’d doubted this would work. For the first time since they’d begun the trials he finally began to let himself hope that this might actually work.

-

The impala pulled up to the church with the five of them in the car. Kevin had insisted on coming and Sam had to hand it to the kid. Kevin could have gone home after translating the tablet but he had chosen to stay. The kid’s got guts, Sam thought. Maybe he’ll be alright when this is all over. One by one they exited the car. Sam moved to the back of the car to talk with Dean before his brother entered the church to begin the final trial.

“Hey,” Sam greeted.

“‘Sup?” Dean greeted back.

“Are you sure you’re up to this? Maybe we should wait.”

“Nope. No time like the present. Besides, the quicker we get this done the quicker we can get back to normal.” Dean stopped digging in the trunk and turned to face Sam. Finally he shrugged. “Well, as normal as our lives ever are.”

They watched as Crowley and Bobby got out of the car and began to talk quietly.

“I hope this works,” Sam said, talking more to himself than anyone else.

“You and I both,” Dean replied. 

Sam frowned. “Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“About Bobby and Crowley’s relationship.”

“Don’t worry about it Sammy, we’re good.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked.

Dean turned and watched Bobby and Crowley talking with each other. Sam waited patiently for Dean to respond. After some time Dean finally turned back to Sam. “Yeah,” he finally agreed. “Yeah, we’re good.”

-

Dean wanted to say something to reassure the demon but couldn’t find any words that sounded right. Instead of saying something stupid just to have something to say he remained silent. He needed to do this for the others; for Crowley, Bobby, and Sam. Taking a deep breath he steadied himself and prepared to begin.

“Well? Let’s get on with it,” Crowley complained crossing his arms.

“I, uh, have to confess first to prepare myself.”

“Dean?” Crowley asked fidgeting slightly.

“Yeah?” Dean asked.

“I’ve been a demon for a long time. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not really proud of. Do you think… maybe…”

“I think everyone can be forgiven,” Dean told him quietly.

Crowley merely nodded, not even looking in Dean’s direction.

“I’ve been to hell Crowley, I know what it’s like down there.”

“You don’t know half the things I’ve done,” Crowley muttered miserable.

“That’s true,” Dean agreed. “But you still try to do the right thing whenever possible. I don’t know if I could have retained enough of myself to worry about right or wrong if I’d spent that long in hell. The fact that you can tells me all I need to know about you. Trust me, Crowley, you’ll be alright.”

Again, Crowley nodded silently.

-

For the first few hours Sam, Kevin and Bobby sat outside the church half-heartedly making pointless conversation. None of them wanted to enter the church and take the chance that it would alter the trial or change anything but none of them wanted to leave Dean and Crowley unprotected either. After the first few hours they lapsed into silence. As they waited Sam fretted about his brother and Crowley. 

-

After another few hours of waiting and sporadic conversation they were more than half way through. Sam’s uneasiness grew but still he didn’t dare enter the church. Hopefully all was well inside. In just a few more hours they’d know how everything was going for sure. His eyes scanned the area surrounding the church nervously but all was quiet.

-

Crowley could feel the changes working their way throughout his body. As painful as it was he’d had too much practice keeping pain hidden. If possible he would keep Dean from knowing how much this hurt. He couldn’t stand another person’s suffering weighing on his conscious. Dean was already suffering enough. He couldn’t let Dean know how he felt. If he could spare anyone else suffering he would. He wished there was a way he could ask for forgiveness for his trespasses but there were just so many.

“Dean? Would it be possible, Squirrel, I'd like… to ask you a-a favor, Dean. Earlier, when you were confessing back there… what did you say? I only ask because, given my history… it raises the question… Where do I start… to even look for forgiveness? I mean…”

“How about we start with this?”* Dean asked holding up the syringe of his purified blood.

Dropping his head Crowley resigned himself to his fate. If this is what it took then he would suffer through it. Anything if he could help ease the suffering of those he wronged. He wasn’t stupid. He knew the change in attitude was due to the injections but he didn’t care. All that mattered right now was righting some of the wrong he’d done in his long life. Finally he raised his head and tilted his neck to allow Dean access for the next injection. 

-

Somewhere just after the seventh hour passed a fluttering noise reached Sam’s ears. The three people waiting outside the church stood and readied to defend themselves. Castiel and a female angel appeared. At the sight of them Sam winced slightly remembering that they were supposed to have waited for Cass to show up before beginning the third trial.

“Sorry about not waiting for you. We meant to but then-”

Cass cut in interrupting Sam. “We can’t let Dean finish the trials.”

“Why not?” Sam asked instantly concerned.

“If your brother is allowed to complete the trials he will die,” the female angel stated.

“Cass?” Sam questioned.

“It’s true.”

“Did Raphael know Dean would die?” Sam asked. 

“No,” Cass answered. “But he also said he did not expect Dean to be the one attempting to complete them. I believe he anticipated Bobby would undergo the trials.”

“So he deemed Bobby’s death acceptable?”

“We don’t have time to discuss this,” the female angel urged. “We have to stop your brother before it’s too late.”

The three humans and two angels rushed to the door. Sam got there first and flung the door open but was stopped short in his tracks. Some invisible force kept him from being able to enter the church. He yelled loudly trying to get Dean’s attention. “Dean!”

Dean turned and locked eyes with his brother. 

“You have to stop! If you don’t you’ll die!”

There was a long spate of silence before Dean spoke. “So?”

Bobby attempted to shove his way past Sam but soon found out he also couldn’t enter the church any more than Sam. Bobby growled in frustration and beat his fist against the invisible barrier until Cass stopped him. Cass took a few cautious steps forward and Sam was surprised when the barrier didn’t stop the angel.

“Dean,” Cass said slowly. “You have to stop. If you don’t you’re not going to survive.”

“So?” Dean repeated.

“Dean don’t,” Crowley pled. “Your brother needs you.” He paused. “Robert needs you,” he whispered.

“Bobby needs _you_ ,” Dean growled.

“And you,” Crowley protested. His voice was quiet but Sam couldn’t deny the genuine pain resounding in the tone. 

As odd as it was agreeing with a demon Sam couldn’t deny Crowley genuinely seemed concerned for Dean’s health. Crowley might be able to help them talk Dean out of continuing the trials. If the choice was life or death then Sam wasn’t going to turn down any help. 

“Look at him,” Dean yelled. “Look at him! Look how close we are! Other people are going to die if I don't finish this!”

“Think about it,” Sam yelled back. “Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can't do it without you.* Please Dean,” Sam begged.

-

No one spoke. The silence was almost deafening. Crowley desperately processed everything Sam was saying. If curing him cost Dean his life how would Robert feel? Suddenly Crowley’s heart broke, and not because he was envisioning Robert’s feelings. Could he let this continue if it cost Dean his life? At any other time he might not have thought twice. Maybe it was the blood injections. Maybe it was a new found sense of love. Maybe it was just being around humans for too fucking long, hell he didn’t know. All he knew was that he couldn’t let Dean die.

“Dean don’t,” Crowley demanded. “Please, I’m… I’m begging you. I’ve never begged for anything in my life, but I’m begging now. Please? Don’t do this.”

Dean, needle still held tightly in his hand, looked back and forth between Sam and Crowley. Finally his eyes settled on Crowley. Crowley held Dean’s gaze desperately willing him not to continue with the ritual. When Dean began shaking his head Crowley knew he was losing the battle. 

“No,” Crowley pled. “Don’t!” 

Without thinking Crowley drew on his powers and attempted to shove Dean away from him. The only thought in his mind was to prevent Dean from doing something that might cost him his life. In the heat of the moment he had completely forgotten the reasons why he shouldn’t draw on his powers. Pain, sudden and immense, slammed into him and Crowley gasped. Lucifer’s voice echoed throughout his mind blocking out all other sounds and sensations. Unable to believe there was a way he would survive the pain this time Crowley resigned himself to dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * = direct quotes from 8x23 Sacrifice. I do not own these lines. No copyright infringement intended.


	19. Chapter 19

Eyes fluttering Crowley attempted to inspect his surroundings. Crowley grimaced in pain temporarily as his eyes attempted to adjust to the lack of light in the room. Gods, his eyes were sore. Scrunching his eyes he rubbed at them trying to clear away the leftover sleep goop. A loud growl assaulted his ears and Crowley paused. Something was definitely different. He felt… He felt… _Hungry_ , his mind told him. Crowley shook his head, that couldn’t be right. Demons didn’t need to eat or drink, how could he be experiencing hunger or thirst?

Opening his eyes he realized he was laying in bed in his and Robert’s room. _'What in hell is going on here?'_ Crowley wondered. How long had he been out of it? Shoving the covers off of him Crowley got out of bed and made his way to the door. When he reached the door he paused with his hand on the knob. Without knowing what happened after he passed out he was worried about heading downstairs. What if Dean had gone through with the trial? Crowley suddenly stood stock still. Dean. _Had_ Dean gone through with the trial? If he had was Crowley now cured? Was Dean now dead? Suddenly he had to know. Gripping the doorknob tightly Crowley flung the door open and left the room.

Rushing down the stairs he took them two at a time. At the bottom he headed left and entered the library. No one was present. Crowley began to panic. “Robert!” he called. “Robert!” he yelled again, leaving the library and heading across the hall. He was met at the kitchen doorway by an annoyed looking Robert.

“Damn it Crowley, hush,” Robert whispered harshly.

Crowley ignored the tone and flung his arms around Robert.

“Gods Robert, I was so worried. Please tell me you’re alright!” Another thought struck him. “Dean! Tell me he’s alright as well! Please! Tell me he didn’t-”

“Hush!” Robert growled in another loud whisper. “Damn it Crowley, everyone else is asleep and you’re going to wake them.”

_Asleep?_ Crowley wondered.

“God Crowley we were so worried. We didn’t know if you would wake up or not,” Robert said, holding Crowley tightly. Suddenly he straightened his arms and held Crowley at arm’s length inspecting him. “How are you feeling?”

“I think I feel hungry,” Crowley told him slowly.

“You think?” Robert asked.

Crowley shrugged. “I haven’t felt hunger in several centuries. I’m not exactly how sure how it feels anymore.”

“I meant are you alright idjit,” Robert scowled.

“I’m pretty sure I’d be alright if I got something to eat,” Crowley pressed.

Robert growled. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“But I’m hungry,” Crowley whined.

Robert sighed. “Made myself a sandwich. If you’re that hungry you can-”

“Thanks Robert,” Crowley stated as he pushed past his hunter. Making his way straight to the table he found Robert’s sandwich and began devouring it.

“If you don’t slow down you’re going to-”

*Hic* Crowley frowned. _What the-_ *Hic* _Damn it!_

Much to Crowley’s displeasure Robert burst into laughter.

“It’s not-” *Hic* “funny,” Crowley finished.

Robert continued to laugh and Crowley scowled. Still laughing Robert made his way to the cabinets near the sink and snagged a glass. Crowley continued to hiccup as Robert filled it with water. With a smirk he handed it to Crowley. Crowley stared at the glass skeptically until he hiccuped once again. Finally he downed the water. The bit of sandwich lodged in his throat finally dislodged. At last Crowley breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank the gods,” Crowley muttered before returning to eating Robert’s sandwich. 

.

As amusing as it was watching his demon wracked by hiccups Bobby was worried. Not a demon, he reminded himself. Well, not fully a demon, he amended. Technically, to the best of his knowledge, Dean hadn’t fully finished the ritual. No one knew quite where that left Crowley. After Crowley had passed out a bright light had filled the church and rendered the rest of them unconscious. By the time they’d regained consciousness Cass and the other angel were gone. 

He’d gathered the still unconscious Crowley, Robert sat him in the backseat of the impala and went back to check on the boys. Dean was still out cold but Sam was stirring. After Sam was finally fully cognizant they managed to move Dean into the impala. By the time they’d made it home all three of the other men were once again asleep. Shaking his head Bobby had transferred them, one by one, into the house. Since then both Sam and Dean had woken up a few times, Sam more than Dean. Both boys seemed to be doing well so most of Bobby’s worry had been focused on his Crowley. His thoughts were interrupted when Crowley held out the glass he had been drinking from while still cramming the remnants of the sandwich into his mouth with the other hand.

“You’re going to get the hiccups again,” Bobby warned taking the glass.

Mouth full of the last bits of the sandwich Crowley rolled his eyes. Finally he swallowed the last little bit and moaned happily. “Another?” he asked looking at Bobby expectantly.

“Damn it Crowley, we need to talk.”

“We can talk while I eat. Another?”

“Fine,” Bobby assented. “But we discuss things while I make it.”

“Deal,” Crowley agreed.

With a sigh Bobby refilled the glass with water and handed it back to Crowley.

“Sandwich?” Crowley asked.

“Fine, but only if you promise to answer a few questions while you eat.”

“Yes agreed,” Crowley consented. “Another,” Crowley insisted.

Bobby shook his head and set about fixing another sandwich.

.

Crowley waited impatiently for Robert to make another sandwich. He had no clue how it happened but for some reason he was starving. Maybe he really was human. That thought actually gave him pause. If he was human did that mean Dean had finished the ritual? “Robert?” Crowley asked hesitantly. Robert grunted noncommittally but Crowley took it to mean assent anyway. “How is Dean?” he asked nervously.

“No clue,” Robert admitted placing the sandwich on on his plate.

“What do you mean, ‘no clue’,” Crowley asked worriedly.

Robert shrugged. “He wakes up from time to time but he’s still pretty out of it.”

“Did… Did he finish the ritual?”

“Not sure but I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?” Crowley asked.

“I don’t know what happened exactly. Cass showed up with some other angel saying we couldn’t let Dean finish the ritual. Something, not sure what, kept us from entering. Not long after that you passed out and there was a bright light. After that I’m not sure what happened. When I woke up everyone was out cold and Cass was gone. The boys have been in and out a few times since I got us back. No clue what happened but I figure the central point of the energy had to have come from the church.”

Crowley frowned. “Why do you say that?”

“It seems to have hit the boys more so than me,” Robert said with a shrug. “They were closer to the door than I was so it was an educated guess. Since we’ve been back this is the first time you’ve woken. How are you feeling?”

“Hungry,” Crowley stated immediately. Picking up the sandwich, and remembering what happened with the first sandwich, he began eating this one slower than the first. Hiccups really sucked Crowley thought to himself.

“Are you…” 

Robert trailed off and Crowley frowned. Slowly he set the sandwich down and looked up at Robert. “Am I what?”

“Do you feel… human?”

Crowley’s frown deepened. He actually didn’t feel any different. He could try to check by using his powers but wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. Although if he really was human nothing should happen, right? 

“Crowley?”

“Just thinking,” Crowley divulged. “I don’t feel any different,” he admitted. Before he could continue the sound of soft footsteps descending the stairs caught Crowley’s attention. Both he and Robert turned to the kitchen archway and waited. Kevin walked into the kitchen and froze when he caught sight of the two watching him.

“What?” he asked tensely.

“Nothing,” Crowley muttered, returning to his sandwich.

“How are you feeling?” Robert asked.

Shrugging Kevin made his way to the table and sat. “No worse for the wear I suppose,” Kevin answered. “How are the others?”

Crowley and Robert exchanged looks. Crowley opened his mouth to say something but suddenly Castiel appeared in the kitchen. Crowley frowned. Yes, he could still feel the angel but it wasn’t quite the same as normal. Crowley was still trying to understand what was different when the angel spoke.

“Crowley,” Castiel greeted.

Crowley nodded once in greeting.

“How are you feeling?” the angel asked.

“Odd,” Crowley replied honestly. “I feel hunger like a mortal but I can still sense you as an angel.”

Castiel nodded as if this was to be expected.

“What?” Crowley growled. The expression on the angel’s face made him nervous though he was loathed to admit it.

“How are your feelings for Bobby?” Castiel answered ignoring Crowley’s question.

Frowning Crowley paused at the question. Turning he inspected Robert and checked to see if his emotions had altered. After only only a few seconds a soft smile spread on Crowley’s face. Gods he loved his Robert. Suddenly Crowley froze. When he could feel Castiel he had figured he was still a demon. If he could still feel his love for Robert then that meant he had to be human didn’t it? 

“Crowley?” Robert asked sounding worried.

Crowley blinked several times refocusing his thoughts. “It’s nothing,” he muttered dismissively. He turned back to Castiel. “I can still feel my love for Robert yet I can also sense you as an angel. How is that possible?”

“I was hoping it would work,” Castiel sighed, sounding relieved.

“What did you do?” Crowley demanded instantly. Standing up he glared at the angel. If the bloody angel had done something that would backfire on his Robert… 

“Peace Crowley. I only meant to help.”

“What did you do?” Crowley repeated.

“Your sacrifice did not go unnoticed,” Castiel told them cryptically.

Before he could speak Crowley felt another presence. Crowley growled and moved to stand in front of Robert instantly. 

“Peace little demon,” the new arrival stated calmly stepping into the kitchen doorway.

“Leave,” Crowley hissed.

“Come now, is that any way to treat someone who has done you a favor?”

Crowley frowned but didn’t move from in front of his Robert. “What favor?” he asked cautiously.

“Someone want to tell me what’s going on?” Robert asked.

“Not in particular,” the new arrival stated.

“He’s Cain,” Crowley growled.

“Cain? As in…”

“Cain and Abel,” Crowley answered without turning. “Yes.”

Robert started to move around Crowley but Crowley held up a hand to stop him.

“Crowley,” Robert grumped.

“No,” Crowley dissented. “I won’t chance your life unnecessarily.” 

“Oh please,” Cain huffed. “If I wanted to cause harm to your human you would not be able to protect him.”

“What is he doing here?” Crowley demanded glaring at Castiel.

“As far as I know he’s the only person that’s ever managed to retain the ability to love after transforming into a demon. As soon as I realized I had been banished from the church I set off in search of Cain for advice. As to why he’s here now I don’t know.” Castiel turned to Cain and gave him a questioning look.

Cain shrugged. “Not since I was turned has a demon fallen in love. I wanted to get a look at the human that inspired such feelings in another demon.”

“He did nothing to deserve your attention,” Crowley insisted. “If you must take a life take mine instead.”

“I told you I mean no harm to your human little one. I merely wanted a glimpse of him.”

“You’ve hand your glimpse,” Crowley stated.

“And I still don’t understand the attraction. Love isn’t always logical though, I suppose,” Cain answered with a shrug.

“Someone want to explain what’s going on here?” Robert broke in.

“Closing the gates of hell would kill the person performing the trials,” Cain said blandly.

“But Dean didn’t die,” Robert replied slowly.

“Because the gates aren’t closed,” Castiel told them. “When Crowley used his powers to attempt to stop Dean it should have finally opened the gates and released Lucifer. The energy that would have been used to close the gates was expended to keep Lucifer contained. It also, uh, turned Crowley human… Well, human-ish.”

“Then how can I still feel Cain’s aura?” Crowley asked.

“You weren’t turned fully human as most of the built up energy went to keeping Lucifer’s cage closed,” Castiel informed him. “Still, you were turned human enough that your powers wouldn’t have been useful. When I realized what happened I went in search of Cain.”

“Why?” Crowley demanded.

“Because for some reason the angel seems to have acquired a soft spot for you,” Cain announced. “I must admit I was curious why an angel should care what happens to a demon. I also have to admit I was fairly surprised that an angel should care what happens to a demon. I had to see for myself what made you so special. After inspecting you I decided to gift you with demonic energy similar to the way Lucifer imbued you with angelic energy.”

“So what exactly happens if I try to use my powers?” Crowley asked.

Cain shrugged. “Not a clue,” he admitted. “Theoretically it should draw on the demonic energy base I used to possess similar to when it tried to draw on Lucifer’s Grace. The difference is I freely gifted that energy to you so it should have no effect on me.”

“Theoretically,” Crowley stated looking nonplussed. 

Cain shrugged once again.

“And if you decide to no longer share your energy?”

“I gifted it to you whereas Lucifer was attempting to destroy you. I cannot retract the energy I’ve given you. It is yours so long as you survive.”

“Why?” Crowley inquired.

“Because I wished to do so,” Cain asserted. “As I’ve said, I know of no other demon that has fallen in love since I was turned. You are the first. Perhaps I merely wished to see how this would play out,” he finished with another shrug. “In any event it is polite to say thank you when someone gives you a gift.”

“A gift,” Crowley repeated in stunned shock.

“Yes, a gift. I did not have to part with any of my powers. I could have left you defenseless with the entirety of hell out for your blood and that of your love. Instead I gifted you with the power to defend yourself and those you care for. I believe a thank you is a minor price to pay for such a gift.” 

Crowley turned and met Robert’s eyes. _‘The entirety of hell…’_ Suddenly he turned back to Cain. “So, I’m still a demon?”

Cain rolled his eyes and turned to Castiel.

“We’re not exactly sure what the effects will be,” Castiel admitted.

Crowley sighed. There was only one way to check. He was going to have to use his powers to see what would happen. Inhaling deeply he shut his eyes and felt for his powers. He felt them exactly where they should be but their was a slight difference he couldn’t place. Drawing on them he attempted to blink. It wasn’t immediate but he managed it and suddenly found himself on the opposite side of the kitchen. Crowley sighed in relief at finally being able to use his powers normally. Cain started forward walking towards Robert and Crowley panicked. 

Crowley drew on his powers and shot a bolt of energy at the demon knight. Cain deflected the bolt of energy which hit a nearby cabinet causing it to explode and Crowley found himself pinned against the wall. Crowley struggled against the energy pinning him but it was no good. Cain slowly made his way over and held Crowley’s glare with one of his own.

“I told you I meant no harm to you or yours. You would do well not to attack someone attempting to help you. I might not be so forgiving the next time,” Cain growled.

“Let him down now,” Robert ordered.

Cain didn’t acknowledge him. 

“What’s going on?” Sam asked, suddenly rushing into the kitchen.

“I gave you a gift,” Cain stated harshly. “Do not make me regret my decision, little one.”

In the blink of an eye Cain was gone. The force holding him against the wall dissipated and Crowley almost fell. Steadying himself he immediately turned to check on his hunter just as Robert’s hands settled on his shoulders. 

“You alright?” Robert asked.

“Are you?” Crowley countered.

“I wasn’t the one facing down one of the oldest demons in creation,” Robert grumped. 

“Demon knight,” Crowley corrected. “Cain isn’t an ordinary demon. He’s the first demon knight ever created.”

“Whatever the hell he is his attention was focused on you, not me.”

“I’m fine if you are,” Crowley told him.

“I’m fine baby,” Robert said wrapping his arms around Crowley.

“So… Someone want to tell me what’s going on now?” Sam asked.

“After tea,” Crowley agreed, still nuzzling against his hunter. “I’ll explain everything after we make some tea.”

“We should also get Dean,” Castiel added.

“I’m here,” Dean stated entering the kitchen.

Crowley smiled softly against Robert’s shoulder, happy both of the brothers had survived. 

-  
Four Months Later  
-

It had taken four months before Dean was cleared to go on a hunt. Though Dean had been desperate to go on a hunt long before then none of the others were willing to take the chance. He had been about ready to find a hunt and sneak off on his own when Sam had come in with news of possible ghoul attacks. 

When they arrived and confirmed it was ghouls they quickly dispatched them. It was nice to be out hunting once again. Finally he was starting to feel more like himself. Dean frowned slightly. At least he was allowed out of the house without a chaperone. Bobby and Crowley had gone to the store last week and been attacked by a group of five demons. It seems Crowley had shot to number one on hell’s most wanted list since attempting to close the gates of hell. 

In the time it took Bobby to kill two of the demons Crowley had banished two of the other three demons. The final demon they’d trapped and questioned. When they learned all of hell was now after Crowley’s head Bobby refused to allow the demon to go out of the house alone. That had been a week long argument. Tension in the house was still high though Crowley seemed willing to acquiesce to Bobby’s wishes at least for now. If something didn’t happen soon Dean worried about what this would do to their relationship. Something had to give.

As he turned to follow Sam out of the house a sound caught his attention. Frowning Dean followed his ears, passing from room to room in the house. Sam turned up behind him and started to speak but Dean held up a hand to shush him. The sound came again and Dean frowned. It sounded like a soft whimpering noise. As Dean opened the door to the back of the house he froze. Cowering in a makeshift doghouse was a trembling puppy, some kind of german shepherd mutt by the look of it Dean reasoned. 

Dean froze. The last dog he’d had anything to do with he ended up killing. Images of the hellhound flashed through his mind. Still, those images were nothing compared to the guilt he felt at the memory of Crowley’s face after Dean had killed the hellhound. Dean paused at that thought. Crowley. There was no way Dean could replace a hellhound but maybe he could still do something to make things right. Slowly, with his hand outstretched, Dean made his way forward towards the puppy. 

-

“Are you sure about this?” Sam asked as he pulled the impala into the driveway.

“I have to do this,” Dean told his brother. 

“He might need a little more time,” Sam stated sounding slightly nervous.

“Maybe but something just tells me this is right,” Dean replied without looking over to his brother. He had broken his own ‘no dogs in the impala’ rule by getting into the car with the puppy they’d found. Yes, they’d killed the ghoul but the family it had attacked had all been killed by the time he and Sam arrived. The puppy had no one to take care of it and Crowley now had no puppy. Despite Sam’s misgivings it seemed only logical in Dean’s mind. Hopefully Crowley would see things the same way.

Exiting the car Dean carried the puppy to the house. Sam opened the door and waited but Dean motioned for his brother to enter first. As Dean followed Sam inside his worry grew but still, this was something he had to do. They made their way into the library and found Crowley and Bobby both engrossed reading books. Dean was about to clear his throat when the puppy in his arms gave a loud yip.

Bobby’s head shot up immediately but Crowley’s head rose much more slowly. When Crowley’s eyes finally saw the mutt in Dean’s arms Crowley stilled. Dean held his breath as he waited. Slowly Crowley closed the book he was reading and set it on the couch. Dean made his way forward and glanced down to the puppy. 

“Ghouls killed her owners and I just… I thought… I mean, she doesn’t have anyone to take care of her anymore and…” Dean’s stuttered words trailed off.

Crowley stood slowly and walked closer. “Can I…”

“Yeah,” Dean said as he transferred the puppy from his arms to Crowley’s.

Taking the puppy Crowley drew her to his chest and stared down at her. “She’s beautiful,” he whispered. 

“She doesn’t have anyone else,” Dean informed him.

“She has me,” Crowley answered quietly, eyes still on the puppy in his arms. “For now and forever, she has me.”

Standing Bobby made his way over and stood behind Crowley. Wrapping his arms around the demon he looked down at the puppy in Crowley’s arms and a soft smile spread across his face. “If she’s going to be part of the family then she needs a name baby,” Robert whispered in Crowley’s ear.

“I was thinking, if you don’t mind, we could call her…” Dean trailed off.

“Juliet,” Crowley stated softly.

“Yeah,” Dean said.

“Yeah,” Crowley repeated.

“Perfect,” Bobby agreed.

Somehow the addition of the puppy seemed to solidify things. Whatever happened from here on out Dean knew they would be alright. Whatever misgivings he’d had about Crowley in the beginning were now completely gone. Bobby loved Crowley and Crowley loved Bobby and ultimately that’s all that mattered. They were a family and they would always take care of each other. After all, that’s what families did, take care of each other. Until now he had never felt as if anywhere was truly home but now, looking around at the others present he realized that home wasn't just a place. Home was wherever your family was and despite everything they'd all lost, they still had family. They still had a _home_.


End file.
